I heard that the original title of the new Amelia Earhart biopic starring Hilary Swank and her teeth was “Amelia Earhart: Jus’ Wavin’.” Judging from the trailer, this would have been an appropriate title.
I count at least 12 people waving in this trailer, not including the double wave by Swank at 1:35! Considering this represents less than 2 minutes of the film, I am conservatively estimating that the movie itself contains approximately 8,437 waves. This estimate does not include scenes of waving crowds. With crowd waving included, I would increase that figure to about 3.5 million waving hands.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to watch people wave almost as much as I enjoy waving myself. In high school I was Vice President of the Waving Club and after college I thought briefly about turning pro. Sadly, an unfortunate incident with a ceiling fan put an end to my waving career. Sure, I still do a little waving on the weekends when the weather is nice but it’s nothing like when I was at my peak.
Maybe Amelia Earhart should have spent a little less time waving and a little more time not crashing into the ocean.
I’m back from vacation and ready to complain so let’s get started!
Imagine that it is early morning and you find yourself in line at an airport McDonalds. It is a slow moving line but one that offers a good view of the 5 things available on the menu. You don’t even bother glancing at the board though because even though you only eat at McDonalds 4 times a year you have their fart-inducing menu memorized. You probably even know the number of the meal deal you want. It’s all so easy and soon you will be pooping your McDonalds in a Mexican toilet. Life is good.
Now imagine standing in line behind some creepy guy on his way to a creepy Christian camp who is holding a creepy dirty pillow covered in his creepy head filth. Although the sight of this pillow is almost enough to make you second guess breakfast you stick with it because you have a 4 hour long flight to Mexico in a couple minutes. You are FINALLY the second person in line and only have to wait for shit pillow to order and move on. Surely pillow man will say something like “I’ll have a #4 with a medium orange juice” and be on his way to the most funnest Christian camp in the world!
What happens next baffles you though. When dirty pillow is ready to order he says, “um, do you have donuts?” Donuts? McDonuts? When told no he says, “Really, no donuts? Um, how about rolls? Bagels?” ROLLS? DONUTS?
