You just made my list!

Can somebody please tell super honkies Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale that they are NOT Jamaican? First they name one kid “Kingston” and now these turds can be seen pushing baby “Zuma Nesta Rock” around in a $1,500 stroller all over the mean streets of Beverly Hills. They act like they conceived these kids while on a weed break down at the steel drum factory.

In case you don’t watch the news, “Nesta” is Bob Marley’s real first name that was later switched to his middle name. Hey, I like Bob Marley too, what white person from the suburbs doesn’t own his greatest hits? If Gwen and Gavin REALLY want to prove they are the reggae fanatics they pretend to be I expect their next child to be named “Perry Toots Cliff Dekker Paragon Upsetter Stafani-Rossdale.”

Stop being such show off dickheads with the baby names already and name your next kid “Bob” or “Jill.” We get it, you’re cooler than normal people.

I wish I could remember why these two idiots are even famous. Weren’t they in a ska Nirvana cover band or something? They are so painfully boring I can barely continue to type… sleepy… so sleepy…

Hey celebrity jerks, your baby isn’t a toy for you to play with so knock it off with all the stupid names, ironic mullets and mohawks already. Guess what, we already know that you and your dumb baby are cooler than us, the mohawk is just rubbing it in. Gwen and Gavin, we are well aware of your Jamaican heritage and love of classic reggae like Shaggy and Snow, you don’t have to ram it down our throats by naming your kid “Kingston.”

I can not believe the amount of attention everyone who isn’t me gives to these celebrity babies, what they are wearing, what expensive Escalade stroller they get pushed around in and what $200 cashmere diaper they shit into. Don’t you have your own crappy kids to worry about? I swear to god, if Brad Pitt walked up to most people and said “here, hold Maddox’s poop in your bare hands for me” they would be happy to do it and would have photos of their brown hands on Myspace that night. The fact that approximately 900,000,000,000,000 celebrity baby blogs exist is enough to make me think it’s time for global warming to finish us off and let the cockroaches take a crack at it.

Ask the average American who their Senators are or where Iraq is on a map and they will respond with “support the troops, pussy” but ask them who baby Maddox wore to the Oscars and they ask “well, which year are we talking about here?”

I hate everyone.