Tag Archive 'tits'

Jul 01 2010

As Seen On TV products for your big sloppy boobs!

kush breats support commercial

Ladies, when you go to bed at night do your huge tits slide off the side of the bed and rest on the floor like half-filled beanbag chairs? Have you tried duct tape and rope to hold those jugs in place? There’s got to be a better way! Well, no there isn’t. However, if you are too fancy to stick a can of Coke between your meat pillows, why not try the Kush breast support system.

Ladies, do you like to dress like a whore at night but don’t want to lose your day job at Verizon because your funbags are flopping all over the place? What can you do, bring a nighttime whore outfit to change into after work? What a pain! Thanks to the Cami Secret fake undershirt you can transform effortlessly from boring daytime prude into an awesome, super fun cleavage-rocking slut in seconds! Your boss and coworkers will never know that just under your Cami Secret resides a beautiful, deep canyon of flesh begging to be explored by the lucky guy you are going to hook up with from the “casual encounters” section of craigslist that night.

19 responses so far

Oct 15 2008

Fake Tits!

OK, get it out of your system… call me gay, blah blah blah. OK, feel better now?

There are exactly 2 fake boobs that I like and they reside on Brooke Burke (NSFW – Nudity). Why do I forgive Brooke Burke and her plastic boobs? Because they kind of look real and I just do!

It’s weird to me that there is an entire generation of males who probably don’t know what a real tit looks like thanks to all the perfect round orbs all over the internet. Maybe – MAYBE – these silly things look good in clothes but once they are released into the wild it looks like these girls have Tupperwear glued to their chests. It’s hard to look boobs in the eye when you got one nipple looking over here and another pointing down at the floor. Makes you want to snap your fingers and say, “Hey, over here, pay attention please.”

OK, let’s assume you like the way they look in clothes and you don’t mind the scars and attention deficit nipples, at the very least you have to hate the way they feel. The best part of boob honking is the inherent soft, squishy nature of a real breast. A fake breast on the other hand can actually injure your hand, I have seen it happen!

Stop ruining your boobies girls!

25 responses so far

Aug 18 2008

Man tits! Beautiful, sexy man tits!

I was all set to write about a different crime against nature, American Chopper, but that will have to wait until tomorrow thanks to this guy’s beautiful tits! I was browsing YouTube for some shitty American Chopper footage (turns out only shitty clips exist of those idiots) when I happened upon a thumbnail of what looks like a woman ruining her nipples with a stupid piercing. I had to watch for two reasons 1) it’s a tit and 2) I was curious if they could actually show tits on YouTube. Was this some sort of loophole because it was instructional?

The clip starts with some jerk-ass pacing around and looking greasy. Who is this guy? Maybe he’s the boyfriend or pimp of the girl whose nipple is soon to be pierced. Wait, what? MY EYES! Why is HIS tit out? Why is he twisting and tweaking HIS OWN nipple? What the fuck is happening and where is the god damn girl?

I have to say though, from the right angle this dirt bag has a great rack!

While I’m on the subject, can everyone please stop piercing their nipples? Ladies, why would you want to ruin the best part of the breast? Guys, it’s just creepy and gross and creepy and disgusting and creepy and gross and wrong and creepy and douchey.

I needed to get that off my chest. Tomorrow I will discuss the Teutuls and their man tits.

Try to watch this without barfing.

11 responses so far