Dec 18 2008

Thinking I lost my wallet!

Published by at 3:05 am under Why?!?

Nothing fills me with panic quicker than not being able to find my wallet. Fear immediately overtakes me after I check all the usual wallet resting places in my home and find nothing but dust outlines of where my wallet once was. I begin to catalog everything in my wallet and fantasize about the fat turd who probably found it on the sidewalk and is currently charging porn to my credit cards. Worse than losing my credit cards is losing my collection of dumb fortune cookie fortunes that has grown over the years. Where will I turn when when I need to be reminded that I “love the nightlife” without those fortunes?

For the record, I always find my wallet eventually and have never really lost one but those 10 or 15 minutes when you think it’s gone forever is the worst feeling in the world.

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16 comments so far

16 comments to “Thinking I lost my wallet!”

  1. Yubberson 18 Dec 2008 at 5:35 am

    I fear a nervous breakdown when a wallet is lost, but I SpaHHHAHAHzzzz out when I can’t find the t.v. remote after I had JUST. SET. IT. DOWN.

    Once everything that was once under the couch cushions are now under my finger nails, the coffee table has been inspected and moved to the other side of the room, and the couch gets flipped… you find it sitting on top of the television all along. Then the self-loathing begins…

  2. Xinaon 18 Dec 2008 at 6:36 am

    I used to carry a purse large enough to tote around an 8 year old child if I ever decided to steal one but I was always losing things inside of it. I could hear my phone ringing but where it actually was in my giant purse was a mystery. So I switched to a smaller one. Sure, now I can’t carry a change of clothes and some sneakers anymore but I don’t misplace things anymore, right?

    Wrong.

    On at least three occasions I’ve had to totally dump my purse out to find my keys, phone, debt card, etc… I’ve always thought men had it so much easier having everything in one small place. My mistake, I’ve now learned the error of my ways.

    Oddly enough, I too have a collection of weird fortunes that I carry with me. My favorite being the one that reminds me that I “should wear more yellow to appear sunny.”

  3. guilty noodleson 18 Dec 2008 at 8:25 am

    Xina, I wrote that fortune!!!

  4. SanFranon 18 Dec 2008 at 9:48 am

    Losing a wallet sucks ass.. That’s why I don’t carry one. Well, no – fear of loss isn’t the reason, but my dislike for having things in my pockets does, especially my back pocket. The solution? No bulky wallet for me, no sireee, I do the money clip thing: and not a proper money clip, either. You see, my money clip, which was a gift for being in a friends wedding, outlasted the marriage it came from by at least five years, and finally snapped in half about three years ago. make that four years. Anyhow, needing something, I sauntered no further than the stationary closet where I was working, and “liberated” one of those black springy clip things – you know the ones that you’ve been dared to keep on your finger (or nipples) as long as you can possibly stand it?

    That has been my clip for four years – it hasn’t broken and you’ll be pleased to know that it is as springy as ever. It’s so ghetto, it’s cool. Not to mention, it’s super low profile, and I can keep my cards, license, BevMo membership card, and well, that’s it, in my front pocket. If I’m up and/or dressed, it’s in my pocket – that’s the policy.

    So, my advice to you is: get something that you don’t feel compelled to take out of your pocket, instead of a big honkin’ wallet which leaves your ass cheek numb. This way, you can leave it in your pocket, it’s discreet, and you’re unlikely to lose it – provided you assign a “place” to put it every night… Like with your phone or keys…

    OK, so maybe I’m a bit OCD with a few things… but I don’t lose shit!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 18 Dec 2008 at 9:53 am

    I HATE having stuff in my pockets. I actually just hate having stuff to lug around i.e. keys, wallet, cell phone etc. My only complaint about the iphone is its size and the fact that I am terrified of losing it.

  6. Jasonon 18 Dec 2008 at 10:31 am

    I lost my wallet in class my first semester at college, you know the time when nobody has any money. At the time I had just gotten paid and I had all my money in the world in my wallet($150). My class was from 9:10 to 10:10 and then my next class was from 10:20 to 11:20. After I met this girl from class and was going to be a big shot and buy lunch and try to get in but when I went to pay my wallet was gone! I paniced and got physically ill. I ran out of the cafeteria in hysterics. I ran to my last class and then on to my first class when the last class search was unsuccessful. When I got to my first class no one was there so I looked around my seat and no luck. I went to my Prof’s office and when he saw my face he didn’t even bother to ask what was happening he just smiled and reached behind him and handed me my wallet. My wallet still had all my money in it and I was glad but I was really happy about getting all my personal info back, bank card, social security, driver’s license ect.

    P.S. never got any farther with the girl after looking like such a freak we never really talked again.

  7. SanFranon 18 Dec 2008 at 10:50 am

    Jason: when you did that, you know.. well, at least I know… she was thinking “wow.. he freaked over a missing wallet.. wait ’till I tell him I’m pregnant after we hook up tonight…”

    You could have had it, you could have had it all, man.

  8. deadlytoqueon 18 Dec 2008 at 11:12 am

    I’ve never lost my wallet, but I am notorious for leaving my keys in the pants I was wearing the day before and having them fall out in the laundry hamper, so I have to dig through dirty laundry to find my keys, after I have exhausted the usual key places (bookshelf, desk, kitchen table).

    The worst is underwear-mining for ten minutes only to have my girlfriend say “um, are these your keys underneath this Safeway flyer?”

  9. You Just Made My List!on 18 Dec 2008 at 11:37 am

    Jason, that girl is mean, you are better off without her mean ass! Was it a nice mean ass?

  10. hodanon 18 Dec 2008 at 12:50 pm

    when i was in high school I’d go into panic mode when ever I misplaced my bus pass.those things cost 60 dollars to replace… even if the month was short-ass February.

    Jason: sorry about the chick lol. we girls hardly ever talk to a guy who goes batshit crazy on the second encounter.

  11. hutchon 18 Dec 2008 at 3:33 pm

    I go into a spin…vertigo! My hands pat my pants, I spin in a childlike airplane movement and immediately I think of robbery. “Oh shit…who broke into my car while I was driving and lifted my license”? All rational thought is gone and I completely PUNK myself….Idiot boy strikes again!

  12. ex-stripperon 18 Dec 2008 at 5:49 pm

    luckily as a girl a purse is normally too big to lose (Xina I totally relate)… but what I really hate is locking my keys in my car (when it’s below zero) and then having to call up my neighbor (when he’s at work) so he can call his AAA to come open my car…I need to get an extra set or my own AAA membership!!

  13. You Just Made My List!on 18 Dec 2008 at 5:55 pm

    If you are an ex-stripper I’m sure your neighbor has an entire porn scenario figured out with you as he’s driving from work to save you. “Oh man, she’s going to be SO thankful!”

    We (men) are pathetic that way.

  14. SanFranon 18 Dec 2008 at 8:15 pm

    List: No, not ‘pathetic’… OPTIMISTS!

    (eternally so)

  15. Yubberson 19 Dec 2008 at 12:57 am

    All important items should be accessable by cell phone. Give it a ring and *blipidy bleep, blipidy bleep* — FOUND!!

    Speaking of… Has anyone else lost a cell phone, thought of the clever idea of calling your cell phone only to realize how moronic you are ’cause you can’t call your freakin’ cell phone beause you lost it!!??? Or… am I the only one 🙁 ?

  16. Jasonon 19 Dec 2008 at 7:23 am

    To You Just Made My List

    Yes it was a nice mean ass! Aren’t those the best kind? Don’t feel too bad for me. You know how it is in college there’s always another freshman girl fresh outta Mom and Dad’s house and looking to figure out what adult life and freedom is all about and to SanFran hopefully on the pill and if not there’s always Lifestyles or Trojan or pull and pray.