Dec 24 2008

Local news coverage about snow!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Sucky TV,Why?!?

snow_storm_chicago

Hey guess what happens EVERY winter in Chicago… IT SNOWS!

Keeping this bit of trivia in mind, why does the local news act as if the sky is raining shards of glass and infected hypodermic needles every time a little snow is on the way? Fine, tell me a storm is on the way but do it like this… “Tonight in weather news, some snow is on the way, probably about 5 inches. You know what to do, so let’s leave it at that. On to other news about real things…”

All it takes is a little snow making its way towards our city and the news people start ejaculating all over each other. They will literally use up half of the news to discuss it. They might as well just run the same footage for each storm because year after year, storm after storm, it is always the same.

Here’s a handy how-to guide for creating your own TV snow report:

1) Go to the airport and talk to people in line whose flight has been canceled. Film some people sleeping on chairs and a family in Hawaiian shirts looking concerned. Roll some footage of the departure screen filled with the word “canceled,” that seems to get people worked up!

2) Show the Streets and Sanitation commissioner at a podium explaining that they will first plow and salt the main roads and then the side streets.

3) Interview a fat guy with a Ditka mustache who drives a snow plow. He will say something like “Looks like we will be workin’ true da night ta clear dees streets, whatever it takes.”

4) Cut to a hardware store and explain that a snow shovel can be used to move snow.

5) Interview people on the street about snow. They won’t have much to say but you can see their breath! Extra points if you can find a guy from Africa who has never seen snow before.

6) Footage of people getting blown over by the wind. Impactful and induces fear of wind, NICE!

7) Cut back to the weather guy (with visible erection) and refer to his desk as “Storm Center 3000”.

Repeat each time it snows.

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Local news coverage about snow!”

  1. Xinaon 24 Dec 2008 at 8:02 am

    Snow, what’s that? I live in Orlando and I’m just on my way out the door to go water-skiing.

    Seriously.

    Sucks to be who?

  2. AngrySaron 24 Dec 2008 at 8:36 am

    lmao…. I live in Wichita, KS and this is too damn true here as well! We refer to our multi-medium (they have a sprawling internet, radio and TV weather “center” devoted to this one purpose) as “panic central”. In fact, I used to work there, had to give updates every time some remote county in KS got rained on… UGH!! Yep, its a fun time. Good to know we’re not alone in weather obsessiveness 😉

  3. Paul in Saint Paulon 24 Dec 2008 at 9:01 am

    Chicago news really loses its grip on the weather. When I lived there, some genius came up with the term “Arctic Blast,” which must have been a ratings bull’s eye, because they seemed to use it every time the temperature sank below freezing, which was almost daily. I’m pretty sure one of the accompanying graphics involved a cartoon igloo. Speaking of snow, is that quaint Chicago tradition of shoveling out a parking spot and then holding it while you’re gone by dumping rusted lawn furniture, moth-eaten upholstered armchairs, and broken children’s toys in its place, and then continuing this process until the snow has actually melted? That really turned the city into a Winter Wonderland. I’ll admit, the Twin Cities does its snow better.

  4. hodanon 24 Dec 2008 at 9:35 am

    as a Bostonian every year is the same, but you forgot one vital coverage that anyone really cares to watch the snow news for; work and school cancellations! now that’s an early Christmas present.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 24 Dec 2008 at 10:38 am

    Paul, yes saving “your” parking space with garbage and lawn chairs still exists. In fact last night I saw a box of Pampers used to save a spot. I was planning on writing about this wonderful Chicago tradition soon.

    Xina, that’s just mean! While I’m buried under snow, slush and ice you and your awesome fake boobs are frolicking in the sun. I just seems wrong.

  6. Neishon 24 Dec 2008 at 10:56 am

    Baha, yeah I’m a journalism major and this makes me giggle and weep all at the same time. I’m from Canada and you’d think even we’d have enough of snow but they still lead the broadcasts here with ‘OMFG SNOW! WE SUGGEST MITTENS!” though I do enjoy it when, say Vancouver gets snow, which they like to pretend they never do. Those dicks think they’re the Canadian equivalent to Florida. So when a snowstorm rolls in they shit themselves with actual panic. The only time those weather reports feel genuine lol.

  7. SanFranon 24 Dec 2008 at 12:15 pm

    Ahhh, yes – I remember when living in Boston all the muss and fuss about parking spots – It was really quite funny because well, I had a garage and a driveway… and didn’t really care because I rode my bike everywhere anyhow. Studded snow tires, fenders and lots of lights (think the Family Truckster from the movie Vacation, only as a bike)…

    I am shocked nobody actually got a cap in their ass from taking one of the parking spaces that somebody “owned”. Hoden: didn’t they pass a few years ago, a law that made putting items in ‘your’ spot illegal? Of course, it would never be enforced, but whatever.

    List: Remember this: there is a 100% Chance of Weather, always… Meteorologists should forecast this, and be correct always!

  8. hodanon 24 Dec 2008 at 1:40 pm

    SanFran: illegal or not,it still doesn’t stop anyone from putting their crap outside to own a spot. LOL you have no idea how many times i ‘accidentally’ ran over someone’s chair, baby stroller and Heineken boxes.God i miss living in a condo.

  9. LA lookson 24 Dec 2008 at 5:18 pm

    When I heard about the first snowfall in Chicago this year, it put a smile on my face to know that I didn’t have to deal with the idiots who put junk on the street to claim a parking spot that doesn’t belong to them. All the dickheads who think that it’s OK to do such a thing need to be physically removed from the city and made to live on an island with their own kind. A leper colony of sorts.

  10. Yubberson 24 Dec 2008 at 11:46 pm

    Big congrete buckets are famous in Chicago. It’s the “classy” way of owning a spot. Funny thing- my neighborhood is lazy… they put stuff out even when they haven’t shoveled….. .. 🙁 ? Are they harnessing the anticipation of shoveling?

    I’d move the stuff out of my freakin’ way since I see they haven’t put any effort into their “special spot”, but owning a pick-up truck in the city isn’t exactly inconspicuous. They’d be buzzing my bell ferociously in a matter of minutes. Maybe I should get a little Toyota…. or a BB gun.

  11. MalaSuerteon 25 Dec 2008 at 11:06 am

    Weatherpeople are generally obnoxious. Just because they move from market to market every few years, and encounter new weather, they think it’s new to everyone…
    The latest local weather twat apparently hates snow and gets really excited when a storm passes us over, ignorant of the fact that in Reno, NV snow is crucial to the water supply. It’s the only time of year we get any real precipitation. While we’re not all in love with it, it’s NOT GOOD when the snow starts late. Yeah, and we get all the weather broadcast features you get in Chicago with the Bonus Interview of the Slightly Stoned Skier/Snowboarder who tells everyone they called in to work sick to get to the fresh powder.

    But the REAL assholes are at the top of the broadcast chain down in Atlanta– The Weather Channel. By the time those overly-hairsprayed dickfaces get to the top, they’re so bored with weather they have to invent NEW weather to talk about. Last year it was Snow Event. There were no snow showers, storms, or just plain snow, everything was a Snow Event. This year?
    Pop-up Thunderstorms.
    What the FUCK? Did VH1 buy a weather machine with all their Rock of Love money??? Thunderstorms DO NOT POP UP YOU STUPID STUPID FUCKS!!!!
    aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh…. sorry. I get the audio via satellite radio, and try my best to use it to plan long trips, but instead end up telling my dashboard to fuck off. Repeatedly.

  12. CreatureofHabiton 26 Dec 2008 at 5:36 pm

    Oh man – nothing touches the drama of Boston. They interrupt every 5 minutes with a ‘breaking report’. And there’s a ticker across the bottom of the screen that says “Storm Force”…lol…. and – AND – they preemptively CLOSE all schools. Just cuz. I never had a fucking snow day my whole life. Here, they close schools if it even thinks about dropping a flake (it being the sky). Unreal.

  13. lauraon 01 Jan 2009 at 9:47 pm

    I don’t know what it was in particular about this post (because I live in chicago too?) but I was laughing out loud reading it.

    So thanks for that.