Dec 30 2008

Wind!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

windy

Much like dropping my keys, an irrational rush of anger fills my body when it’s windy. I HATE WIND!

I once heard about a small community of settlers in the west who went insane because the wind never stopped blowing. I tried to find information on this but couldn’t. Well, by try I mean I googled “wind makes settlers crazy” and when the top result was not what I was looking for I gave up. I’m sure it’s true though.

*My friend and editor of this blog (yes, I need an editor) found it here.

It’s like God is teasing you and trying to fuck with your mind. I’m sure he had a big ‘ol laugh while those pioneers were running around pulling their hair out and watching that hair blow away. God is mean.

Fuck you wind.

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35 comments so far

35 comments to “Wind!”

  1. Yubberson 30 Dec 2008 at 4:36 am

    I hate wind. Sucks living near the lake where it is CONSTANTLY windy. What sucks even more is when you walk down one street and it’s perfectly fine, the second you pass the building and turn you lose your fucking breathe because it’s so GoD DamN windy!

    I hate when wind doesn’t let you breathe.
    I hate when wind blows my hood down.
    I hate when wind makes my hair fly up, then down, then left then up again.
    I hate when wind blows me over (5′, 106 lb).
    I hate when wind blows my car door open causing a freak anxiety attack over whether or not I hit someone else’s care with my door.
    I hate when wind blows plates and napkins, anything ‘picnic’ related around.
    I hate when wind doesn’t let me play badmitten or volleyball.
    FUCK!
    THat’s right Youjustmademylist- FUCK WIND!!

    This one struck a deep seeded nerve. And you’re right again- it’s entirely irrational, but I would be one of those settlers trying to hang myself in the garden shed. At the very least I would stop anyone from breathing too heavily in my direction- I may commit a hate crime without meaning to do so.

    It’s not exactly what you were looking for, but in “the same book” if ya know what I mean:

    http://www.pantagraph.com/articles/2008/04/17/news/doc4807500d59725857996033.txt

  2. AngrySaron 30 Dec 2008 at 7:45 am

    I can see that, about the settlers going insane. I live in KS, where when the weather guy says its going to be windy, he means “more powerful than a locomotive, with bonus 20 degree windchill, all NEW PSYCHOTIC wind!” At least I have an excuse for never doing much to my hair. lol

  3. You Just Made My List!on 30 Dec 2008 at 9:59 am

    Yubbers, I am honestly comforted when people comment that they can relate to my madness. It makes me feel like less of a weirdo.

    Thanks for the link! See everyone, wind KILLS! It wants to make you crazy and sick. WIND MUST BE STOPPED!

    AngrySar, We get the same sort of wind in Chicago thanks to the lake. In the winter it’s like having a giant ice cube blowing in your face all winter.

  4. guilty noodleson 30 Dec 2008 at 10:53 am

    I agree with all of you. I’m tiny too and get blown away with my two noodle boys. I’ve actually seen wind lift my 7 yr old as he held on to the deck.

    It also freaks the shit out of me when I’m on the third floor and I can feel wind shaking the top of my house, threatening to rip off the roof.

    The all time worst is trying to walk the dog and he’s taking his sweet ass time sniffing every blade of grass before taking a dump and my face is being peeled off by the icy wind.

    I too HATE THE WIND.

  5. hodanon 30 Dec 2008 at 10:57 am

    I like the wind during the summer,especially a nice breeze on a hot day. But today is fucking crazy! I’m afraid my roof is gonna blow away.

  6. guilty noodleson 30 Dec 2008 at 11:34 am

    My husband and I owned a condo in Chicago where the roof did roll off the building like a sardine can. The folks on the third floor were rudely awakened at 3am with rain pouring down on them in bed.

  7. Xinaon 30 Dec 2008 at 12:10 pm

    I live in Florida so we have hurricanes that result in big wind. I have a special memory of being, like, 5 years old and my dad tying a rope around my waist and then pushing me out into the hurricane and holding on to me while the wind blew me around.

    Ahhh, childhood.

  8. SanFranon 30 Dec 2008 at 12:14 pm

    I couldn’t disagree more – having grew up on Cape Cod, wind was just a big part of our life. There is just something incredibly humbling about it – especially during a proper ocean storm. Houses there are bolted to the foundations by code, so they don’t blow away. I recall many a storm: power out, no fire in the fireplace because the downdraft would blow it into the house, listening to the house just vibrate while the trees contorted in ways you’d never expect to see.

    Good stuff.

    During the “Perfect Storm” storm in ’91, we were outside enjoying it all when those 130mph gusts came ashore. Literally takes your breath away.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 30 Dec 2008 at 12:33 pm

    SanFran, I’m not talking about storms. I love a good storm. I’m talking about your average windy day that is just strong enough to constantly remind you it’s there. Not a nice gentle breeze but a hat stealing, hair messing, shit-you’re-trying-to-carry blowing wind.

  10. Yubberson 31 Dec 2008 at 1:50 am

    *Shit-you’re-trying-to-carry*, hat stealing—–>YES!! This is it!

    Did you go outside last night “YJMML”? With the whisty snow being slapped into your face. I stepped out of my apartment to go to work and turned right back around and stood inside the door for a second (to catch my breathe), then held it all the way to the car cursing like a truck driver in my head.

    The Windy City (downtown specifically) in winter absolutely fucking sucks. All the side streets, alleys, trenches of wind!! Shit from my purse went tumbling in the snow- I wanted to throw the stuff just as soon as I got it back in my hands because I was so angry! I’m done. Jeeze.

  11. SanFranon 31 Dec 2008 at 3:45 am

    So, what are we talking about here, in terms of wind speed? 30mph? 50mph? More? Less? I understand the wind tunnel effect in cities – I frequently wish I didn’t have bladed spokes on my bicycle rims, as it adds some often unnecessary excitement to my commute… But even still – the more the merrier – it just adds to the challenge of whatever it is I’m doing, and makes me realize just how inconsequential we humans are in the grand scheme of things…

  12. Yubberson 31 Dec 2008 at 7:02 am

    SanFran:
    “…makes me realize just how inconsequential we humans are in the grand scheme of thing…”

    While this is a thoughtful statement and a great outlook, but… why wind???? When I think about being one little insignificant blip on a radar screen monitoring Chicago… and imagine all of the other cities and mass I feel that “inconsequential” feeling, but a map doesn’t blow my favorite potatoe salad in the grass. It doesn’t blow nasty city dirt in my eyes. Fuck I hate wind. Teach me your monk ways in all that has to do with wind, SanFran, I think I can become a better person for it- or at least just a tad less prone to accidental violence.

    I think I have a complex.

  13. Jasonon 31 Dec 2008 at 7:10 am

    Wow. At first glance of your post YJMML I think to myself, “really, wind, you hate wind” really? Then I read the comments, especially Yubbers and there are aspects hidden deeply within my soul that come to the surface with exaltation and an explosion of profanity so profound mariners everywhere would be shamed. I play poker and like to smoke cigars and drink bourbon. We have a regular game and we travel to each others houses. No body really enjoys the smell of cigars in their houses for days on end so when possible we like to play outside. I also live in Florida not far from the Gulf and there is always a breeze. Perfectly fine, until we try to move the card game outside and the wind turns gale force and blows cards and ashes and everything else all over the place. Yubbers and YJMML I really feel bad for you guys up north where the wind has that extra bitch factor of being artic cold.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 31 Dec 2008 at 10:17 am

    SanFran, I don’t really know the exact speed where a breeze becomes wind, but it’s basically when it has the power to move stuff you don’t want to move.

    Yubbers, “but a map doesn’t blow my favorite potato salad in the grass.” I hate it when you guys are funnier than me. Stop it!

    Jason, You have no idea how harsh a winter Chicago wind can be. It’s not just annoying, it is painful. It can literally bring you to tears.

  15. Yubberson 01 Jan 2009 at 3:03 am

    It can bring you to tears!!! and then the tears blow all over your face!!!! Freezing the little peachy fuzz of your cheeks!! and then you try to wipe you face with your gloved hand and then you get whatever dirt is all over you gloved hand on your face, and then it doesn’t even work that fucking well!! Now your level of rage is up to a 9.0 and you’re start getting pissy with complete strangers for laughing amongst themselves!! Completely irrational.

    FUUUUUCK!!!

    This post makes me want to throw my glass of apple juice JUST to hear the glass breaking.

    I can’t stop YJMML!!! I CAAAN”T!!!! and I’m not funny. My brain is.

  16. SanFranon 01 Jan 2009 at 12:57 pm

    Yubbers: Well, I see your point – I really do – however, think about it this way: Here is this force, which you can’t see, that can knock you on your ass and displace your potato salad (and thus feeding the insects)… The collective ‘We’ (maybe not ‘us’) think we own this place, this planet…

    I just love how the wind can come along and bust shit up as it ‘sees’ fit.

    It’s like these a-holes that have their house destroyed by flood or tides, and then rebuild it with insurance money that we all pay into, and then cry foul when the tides take their shack away.. AGAIN… and then look for state money to build a revetment and thus change the natural flow of things… OK, I’m rambling here, but my point is simple: we live here, and no matter where you are or choose to go, the elements will always find you (and your damn potato salad).

    I’m hungry.

  17. Yubberson 01 Jan 2009 at 11:55 pm

    It’ll find my potatoe salad all right… so would the Feds. I’m not completely annoyed by the Feds though. Just really, really freakin’ scared of pissing them off. Otherwise the Feds just leave me be (or at least I think they do).

    My whole thought on is still remains… why wind? Then again… if we are going to talk Mother Nature here I would have to say that facing fire every night as opposed to icy wind would be much worse. I’m beginning to understand your monk mentality even if I don’t approach it the same way.

    Still though- Fuck wind.

    If you had ever tasted our family’s potatoe salad you would begin to hate the wind, too.

    Ditto on the hungry.

  18. andrewon 14 Apr 2009 at 6:01 pm

    i hate the motherfucking wind when it blows dust every where.I wish wind was a person so i could fucking kill it 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times.

  19. mr windon 27 May 2009 at 2:57 pm

    the wind blows because god hates having me look decent and decides to fuck up my hair leaving me to hate going outside because the wind is always lurking ready to strike

  20. mackon 03 Nov 2010 at 9:11 pm

    i love this site and the comments but i still hate the wind.

  21. Lalaruon 21 Dec 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Why is it only windy when it is freezing outside, but never when you’re dying fora breeze on a 100 degree day? 🙁

  22. Josephon 28 Apr 2011 at 7:19 am

    Yes, I agree with you, I fking hate the wind too, especially at night, keeps you awake, it destroys things, it just sucks ass!

  23. Courton 03 Dec 2011 at 9:11 am

    There are gusts of up to 30mph in NorCal this morning. While I’m sure that’s child’s play to the Chicago folks, I have to say I feel better about going outside to run my Saturday errands. I almost blew it off (so to speak) until I got such a good laugh about the potato salad. Keep fighting the good fight against wind, brothers and sisters.

  24. Aliceon 21 Mar 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Yes, I AGREE. Had my hair done nicely in the morning only for the fucking wind to blow it out of place. Walked around with my pride lost.

  25. Jimon 27 Apr 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Im in college upstate in plattsburgh NY. I don’t know how people fucking live here. It’s cold, it’s rainy, it’s windy ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! I’m talking every single day. Every. Single. Day.

    The wind is blowing so hard iight now that I’m sitting in my dorm watching the trees blow and listening to the contestant whistle my window makes and am becoming completely fucking pissed off. I’ve never experienced such consistently awful fucking weather in my life. Worst part about the wind? When your hairline is receding and you fix your hair up so right, then you step outside walk a few feet and

    WHHOOSSSSSHHHH…..WHOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!…..whoooossshhhhhhWWWHHHHOOOOSSSHHHHHHH!!!

    Fuck you wind, fuck you. Come down here and face me like a man! If you had a neck I’d punch you in the fuckng throat!!!

    Sorry for all the cursing. It makes me feel better.

  26. chrison 15 Aug 2012 at 8:07 am

    ANNOYS THE FUCK out of me. You spend time doing your hair just right, and then walk out the door, soon as you hit the street turning the corner. FUCKING BAM. Hair is a cunting fucking bastard mess. Now people are staring cos you look like a cunt awkardly trying to brush your hair back into shape with your hand, but its no use. Theres fuck all you can do as the mother fucking bastard cuntface wind rapes your hair at every angle. Spent an hour getting ready and looking decent, only to do a uturn 40seconds after leaving the house, slamming the fucking door and going back to bed. Makes my fucking blood boil, dont think anything gets me more angrier. It was either go back home or carry on with my journey with hair looking like a fucking afro, feeling like shite, walking slow cos the motherfucking bastard wind is too strong to walk properly and basically having a shit day. I couldnt give a fuck even if I had an interview for an amazing job, fuck going out in that cunt, id rather it be snowing any fucking day. CUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT fucking bastard fucking bastard of fat ginger mother fucking asshole CUNT.

  27. You Just Made My List!on 15 Aug 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Some might think Chris is getting a little too worked up over wind but I am here to support every word of his complaint against wind. He had me at “cunt.”

  28. Rickyon 25 Aug 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Good gracious gravy I fucking hate the wind!!! Going to work in the morning it rips the front fucking door from my hand throwing me outside. Why does it gotta be such a dick? Then I have all kinds of hell trying to open the door to my vehicle cause the wind is blowing against it. Fuck you wind. Fuck you.

  29. guyon 01 Nov 2012 at 10:42 pm

    i love the wind

  30. Tayloron 12 Nov 2012 at 11:01 am

    As a consistent beach goer I must say that I also HATE the wind. Every windy day I go its just TERRIBLE. The problem is is that I LOVE the beach: I surf, skimboard, and play volleyball but the wind ruins ALL of these (depending on the wind direction which, in most cases, is unfavorable). The wind kicks up the sand, stings your shins, gets in your eyes and makes a nice warm day cold. So why not just avoid the beach? I simply can’t and besides it doesn’t make a difference because YOU CANT AVOID THE WIND!!!!!!

  31. California38on 18 Mar 2013 at 12:18 am

    I hate the wind at night ,I don’t mind the wind during the day but at night it makes me crazy..
    I check the weather chanel everyday and hope its not windy at that night or any other night.

  32. cindyon 09 Apr 2013 at 11:29 am

    the older i get the more i hate it. the wind is just whipping all over today, as it has for over a month, and i can barely stand to go outside. i’ve noticed it seems worse every year and that isn’t my age. (60) even my kids bitch about it these days! 3 oak trees (starting to, no hate trees, too) in front yard that drop some kind of crap alllllll year long. i rake and rake and rake and when i start to bag them up….yep, wind comes up and they’re all over again! i was actually in tears last year trying to chase them around and keep the bag open only to have half of them blow off the pan i was using to pick them up. a friend tried to tell me i hate wind because i’m getting older and she’s right. i fucking hate it, it’s maddening. btw, the settlers in kansas did go crazy and kill their kids and themselves in the great dust bowl. i’ve spent a lot of time in that shithole and would NOT recommend it…especially with their 2 year drought. the consequences are gonna be deadly!]

  33. grumpyon 30 Jan 2014 at 10:15 am

    I agree with everyone im getting tired of wind wind wind fucking wind. Then after windy days you have to go outside and pick up sticks and all kinds of other shit that blew in your fucking yard . Its bad when my dogs don’t even like going outside when its windy because they hate the wind to. Only nice thing about wind is it does raise skirts no offense to the ladys. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate wind

  34. Irish Heffon 15 Apr 2014 at 7:49 am

    Thank fuck!!! I thought I was a bit mentally unstable for hating the bastard wind so much.I like a good storm, its the CONSTANT 30 to 40mph IN YOUR FUCKING EARS AND FACE ALL FUCKING DAY – DRIVES ME FUCKING APESHIT!!!
    Fuck the wind.Smug cunt!

  35. Abson 28 Apr 2014 at 8:45 pm

    Where I live along the eastern Front Range, the wind is super-bad this time of year and I too hate the wind. One thing about it that really pisses me off is the lack of any coherent pattern in the way it blows. Like, it pauses for a moment, then all of a sudden it the picks back up in this huge freaking gust. But then, I don’t know if it would be any less awful if it just blew steadily and constantly. I just hate the sudden gusts of wind, hate the way it sounds, hate the way it moves shit around and messes everything up. I remember liking the wind 2 times in my life, but for anyone past childhood or trying to work outside, or go anywhere, or just freaking stay sane, the wind just sucks. So I said to my sister that I hate the wind, and of course she gives some bullshit logical explanation about different temperature air patterns combining and creating wind, and I’m like So? The wind still freaking sucks, doesn’t it. Shit still pisses me off, thnk goodness for this blog and all the rational peeps out there that hate the wind.