Jan 15 2009

TVs at gas stations and supermarket checkouts!

Published by at 3:00 am under Sucky TV,Why?!?

Checkout TVs

Can’t I just buy these Funyuns in peace? I’m already freaked out by being left alone in line, do I really need to have Rachel Ray scream a panini recipe in my face while I wait to check out? Can’t I just fill up my tank without having clips of “Two and a Half Men” forced upon me? Can’t I ride in uncomfortable silence in this elevator rather than listen to the latest gossip about Sarah Jessica Parker’s troubled marriage?

Now, if they were to play People’s Court on these ever-present TVs I would be overjoyed! Yes, put a TV playing People’s Court on every surface I see. I want to see Judge Marilyn Milian’s face smiling back at me when I’m peeing in a public restroom. I want to see the tough but lovable bailiff Douglas McIntosh on my ceiling when I hop into bed at the end of a long day. When my eyes are closed I want to hear the deep, sexy voice of Curt Chaplin delivering difficult but fair questions in the halls of People’s Court. Oh, and how could I leave out that beautiful son of a bitch Harvey Levin? I want that motherfucker permanently implanted onto the back of my eyelids. I want People’s Court on one eyelid and TMZ on the other!

Wait, what was I talking about?

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “TVs at gas stations and supermarket checkouts!”

  1. Yubberson 15 Jan 2009 at 4:15 am

    We keep nudging closer and closer, bit by bit, to the fat fucks in the Wall-E movie. Eventually shopping carts will have mini GPS sytems to help you find everything in the store (Mark my fucking words!!!). I get that lines at the store are boring and redundant but you’ve gotta make your own fun! What ever happened to investigating the cart in front or behind you? It’s impossibly easy to make flat assumptions based upon someone’s grocery cart. I often try to peg whether or not the person is in a relationship if so what kind (gay, straight, loose, marriage…), whether or not they have any medical issues, what their house must look like and on a rough scale of 1-10 whether or not I would be able to stomach a conversation with said person. Deduce as many things are you possibly can about the shoppers around you, and maybe it seems silly… but just try it next time. In fact, after much practice if you get brave enough (and you think you won’t get punched in the face) ask the person if your assumptions are correct, throw it in casual conversation. You’d be surprised how easily talking to someone buying 8 cases of bottled water can turn into a conversation about movie film sets. Peel your eyes off the t.v.! There are people around you!!!!! Interact with them! We’re not robots!! I swear. 😀

  2. Peteon 15 Jan 2009 at 7:38 am

    Advertisements are everywhere these days. I’ve learned to just shut filter out most of it. Most glaring example is at the baseball game–you go there and literally every free space on and off the playing field has been sold to hawk some product few people need or want, and it uglifies the landscape and architecture. Pepsi just kicked off a new campaign (at least here in Cleveland) wherein their red-white-blue globe logo is used as a letter “O” in big-block text ads like “SODA POP.” Who cares? It’s not gonna make me drink Pepsi anymore than I already do, which isn’t often, and it won’t make me drink it more than any old Pepsi ads, which again wasn’t often. There’s something to be said for restraint in advertising. Maybe the best thing you can say about your company or its services and products is to NOT slap its picture up on a wall whenever you get the chance.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 15 Jan 2009 at 9:05 am

    Pete, here in Chicago they are slowly starting to ruin Wrigley Field, one of the last ad free ballparks in the world. There used to be ZERO in the park advertising and it was wonderful. Now, ads are slowly starting to creep in because the world is greedy. People just can’t help themselves. Our country is obsessed with money and nothing can stand in greed’s way. It’s disgusting.

  4. Ronon 15 Jan 2009 at 11:11 am

    I’d fill her gas tank, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

    She’d probably only give me a quarter for a tip though. 🙁

  5. guilty noodleson 15 Jan 2009 at 1:41 pm

    I’m scared of Rachel Ray. SCARED, I tell you!

  6. Saraon 15 Jan 2009 at 2:12 pm

    I will steal and market your ingenious idea for the Shopping Cart with GPS, you will receive no royalties. by reading this post you agree to full forfeit of any patent. Oh and by the way I will install them all in those lazy fat ass mobile carts
    (I see you getting up and walking to your velveta YOUR NOT HANDICAPED!!)

  7. Yours Trulyon 15 Jan 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Rachel Ray gives me nightmares. Her giant mouth could swallow me whole.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 15 Jan 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Yubbers/Sara – no kidding, that is kind of a good idea. A fat lazy idea but one that will no doubt eventually happen. I don’t mean Yubbers is fat and lazy, I meant the idea is good for the lazy masses.

    p.s. Just saw a commercial for Ace of Cakes and had a small rage-induced stroke. FUCK, I HATE THAT GUY!

  9. Christineon 15 Jan 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Wow, this is a real thing? TVs in grocery stores haven’t reached fine-old Sparks, Nevada yet. (Yes, I live in Sparks; bite me, East-coasters). Wow, I thought having to watch TV shows while waiting for a plane landing was enough torture . . .

  10. Xinaon 15 Jan 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Ron, sadly you would probably only give her a quarter for a tip as well.

    And they do have shopping carts with GPS in them. You can find them in a bunch of whole foods. They not only tell you where everything is, they give you recipes for the stuff that is in your cart. Once, one of the GPS things offered me a back massage but I had to draw the line somewhere.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 15 Jan 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Xina – ZING!

  12. Jeffon 15 Jan 2009 at 7:50 pm

    You know where TVs are useful is in elevators in tall buildings. It gives everyone a focal point for those few uncomfortable minutes that 20 grown adults are crammed together in small metal box. It stops people from making unnecessary small talk or even giving the raised eyebrow ‘hello’ glance – though I did find the ladies underwear commercial that played in our elevator a little uncomfortable at times.

    I like Cops in the same way you like the People’s Court. Maybe I should have been a cop – and you should have run for Judge Wapner’s seat when he stood down.

  13. Yubberson 16 Jan 2009 at 12:53 am

    Pretty genius, huh? Maybe I shouldn’t have tossed it on here so Sara could steal it. Oh wells.. I guarantee the patent is already created and the company is just waiting for Jewel to sign a contract. I have many more ideas… I’ll eventually be as rich as the dude who created dice.

  14. Stephanieon 16 Jan 2009 at 8:47 am

    I find it odd that there are TVs in each of my dentist office’s exam rooms. You can’t even see it when you’re getting your teeth cleaned because you’re reclined. I’m kind of worried about it. What if my hygenist gets distracted because she’s too busy watching The Today Show with the scary scraper thingy in her hand trying to pick between my teeth??? Thank God it’s only a once-every-six-months ordeal.

  15. Ronon 16 Jan 2009 at 8:51 am

    I gotta hand it to ya Xina, that was good. Left myself wide open for that one! 🙂

  16. Clint Eastwoodon 25 Jul 2011 at 10:03 am

    This is just another sign that the dumbing down of society is reaching completion.

    People today are all mildly retarded and can’t be exposed to silence or left to their own devices for five minutes without going catatonic. They must be “entertained”

    I am tempted to spray gasoline all over those tvs and set the on fire next time I’m at the pump.

    Fuck you company’s,I don’t give a shit about your products.

  17. Clint Eastwoodon 25 Jul 2011 at 10:17 am

    What’s worse are all the billboards and ads that are in wetback!

    Nothing like standing at the gas pump listening to some 4′ bandit spouting gibberish!

  18. You Just Made My List!on 25 Jul 2011 at 6:42 pm

    WOW! What an incredibly dumb thing to say. It’s ironic that you would refer to OTHER people as “mildly retarded.”