Feb 12 2009

Me for not hating Ryan Seacrest!

Published by at 3:00 am under Crappy Music,Sucky TV

ryan seacrest naked

I want to hate Ryan Seacrest so bad! I want the sight of his face to make poop involuntarily explode from my ass. I’m not sure why I would want that to happen now that I think of it. Let’s just say every cell in my body tells me to hate this turd but I can’t do it. I LIKE RYAN SEACREST and I want the world to know it!

You know what, good for him for realizing his only talent is being a bland nice guy and making a career of it. If there was a computer programmed to create humans and you instructed it to create the absolute least offensive person possible it would shoot out Ryan Seacrest. On paper that sounds like reason enough to hate him but it’s not. There are plenty of bland celebrities worthy of your anger but they are offensively boring. Ryan is just lovably boring.

So who’s offensively bland? People like Pete Wentz, Jay Leno and Gwen Stefani are aggressively boring to me whereas Ryan is just lovably middle-of-the-road. He’s smart too. He stays out of trouble and works hard at being America’s nice guy. It’s making him rich and making me fall in love with him.

Maybe it’s the fever talking.

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Me for not hating Ryan Seacrest!”

  1. Yubberson 12 Feb 2009 at 5:57 am

    I love his little mini-outburst in “Knocked up”. He didn’t seem to be acting at all- he was all types of serious! Love it. Poor guy.

  2. Anneon 12 Feb 2009 at 6:10 am

    Ugh, it’s so annoying! I want to hate him but I can’t! I do love watching Joel McHale make fun of his height on the Soup though.

  3. Peteon 12 Feb 2009 at 7:17 am

    You need medicine! Get well soon!

  4. Saraon 12 Feb 2009 at 9:43 am

    Yubbers that outburst was viable,
    “I got four jobs ā€” hell, Iā€™m more famous than half the people we talk to anyway!ā€

    shit the guy doesnt have any time to create debauchurey in hollywood

    I liked when he was trying to be the nice guy and held his hand up for a high five with the blind guy on Idol – DENIED

  5. LLGon 12 Feb 2009 at 9:46 am

    And I thought I was the only one who harbored such thoughts!

    Maybe Seacrest is actually the devil, so bland and nice and unassuming, but he’s taking over our souls one polite joke at a time.

  6. Jeffon 12 Feb 2009 at 11:00 am

    So are you saying you like American Idol then, too?

  7. You Just Made My List!on 12 Feb 2009 at 11:06 am

    Jeff – American Idol is like white noise to me. I don’t care that it exists. I don’t like it or hate it. I do tend to watch the first few episodes with the tryouts but once they pick the finalists I’m out. SEACREST OUT!

  8. You Just Made My List!on 12 Feb 2009 at 11:07 am

    Yubbers – It was that scene in Knocked Up that started to make me realize I didn’t hate him.

  9. Tommyon 12 Feb 2009 at 11:15 am

    Maybe it was the banana i just had for breakfast but as soon as I saw seacrest’s face i felt a sudden urge to visit el bano. brb

  10. You Just Made My List!on 12 Feb 2009 at 11:43 am

    Tommy – Visiting the bathroom can imply a few different activities, you may wish to clarify upon your return.

  11. CreatureofHabiton 12 Feb 2009 at 2:59 pm

    I want to hate him, and I think I do! Wasn’t that him working the red carpet festivites for the Grammy Awards? He was weirrrrrrrd. Ick.

    You need lots and lots of rest. And hydrate!

  12. SanFranon 12 Feb 2009 at 7:35 pm

    I don’t even know who this guys is… never heard of him… But, I need to know: did somebody hijack YJMML’s computer? I think he’s unwell beyond the affects of a common cold. Is someone nearby enough to go check on him?

  13. Ahksehl83on 01 Jul 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Ryan Seacrest has never had pretensions of being anything other than a presenter. He is not talking about politics, he does not have any “causes”, he is not doing the male equivalent of hacking off his breasts to prevent cancer, I guess that would be having his prostate removed. He has no illusions of being relevant or important. If this ever changes, you will start hating him.