Feb 25 2009

My shins!

Published by at 3:00 am under Why?!?

shins

I’m on the brink of barfing up the lasagna I just ate just from the mere thought of my shins. Thinking of a thin layer of skin over bone makes me asjhgdddddddddddddd… Sorry, I passed out and my head landed on the keyboard.

I hate all areas of the body where skin is next to bone or cartilage without a layer of delicious fat. My ranking from bad to worse is as follows:

1) Fingers – Not horrible but close to upsetting me.
2) Nose – My face hurts just from thinking about the bridge of my nose.
3) Sternum – I want to crawl out of my skin when I think of my sternum.
4) Shins – FUCK OFF!

My hatred of shins began when I was a child and spent most of my summers with bruised and scraped legs. I remember one day when my shoelaces got tangled in my bicycle and I was forced to hobble home several blocks with my boney shins bumping and scraping against the pedals with every step. I’m pretty sure I cried the entire way home while tied to my yellow Schwinn Stingray. Side note: why the fuck did my parents buy me a yellow bike and why didn’t I just take my shoes off rather than limp home like an idiot? I hate myself.

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17 comments so far

17 comments to “My shins!”

  1. Xinaon 25 Feb 2009 at 4:50 am

    Here’s another one to add to your list. Did you know that the skin on the back of your hand is as thin as the skin on your eyelids? While moving a few years ago I tore the back of my hand open. It didn’t hurt much but I had to keep it closed with scotch tape because I could see the bone and it grossed me out. I have a huge scar, possibly because of my mob doctor treatment of it. There’s one more thing to haunt your dreams.

  2. guilty noodleson 25 Feb 2009 at 8:09 am

    Xina, totally agree. I too have a scar on my hand where I slit it open with a pair of scissors by accident. That was also the first time I fainted at the very sight of it. Also, when I was a kid, I used to fall off my bike and scrap my knees so bad, all I saw was bone. Ick.

  3. LLGon 25 Feb 2009 at 8:54 am

    I was going to write a wonderfully witty and sardonic response about the inherent weirdness of this particular post (seriously, skin against bone…); but unfortunately, I fainted after reading Xina and Guilty Noodles’ comments.

    On a slightly related note, there have been only two times in my life I’ve injured myself so badly that I thought I might faint. (1) When I was twelve and my foot slipped off the tree my friend and I were climbing and this short, squat of a stump limb cut me just below the belly button and ripped upwards towards my neck; catching my shirt (& training bra) as I fell, leaving me bloody, with dangling feet, flashing the entire neighborhood with my mosquito-bite sized developing breasts. (2) When I sliced the back of my foot open with the top of a tin can, and the gash was so big you could see for days into the meat of my foot – I vomited; but did not faint.

    I’d so like to be one of those badass girls who played so hard when they were young, they know exactly what their bone looks like peeking out of flesh. But I’m doomed to admit for the rest of my life, I was the prissiest, most barbie-fied, piece of ruffled pink crap.

  4. RBoneon 25 Feb 2009 at 10:55 am

    I literally shaved the skin off my thumb with a filthy meat cleaver in the back of a Chinese restaurant once. I could see bone and it didn’t even bleed for the first 10 seconds. Enjoy.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 25 Feb 2009 at 11:21 am

    You are all making me sick!

  6. rachelon 25 Feb 2009 at 11:57 am

    ever had an IV in the back of your hand? shitty beatles.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Rachel – I have never had an IV but the idea of it makes me want to die. I hate veins too.

  8. Neishon 25 Feb 2009 at 12:36 pm

    All your stories are gross and I can’t believe I forced myself to read them. I’m a huge chicken about blood and guts and I’ve had ridiculously bad accidents but so far only pass out 1/2 the time.

    All time worse feeling though was:

    I stuck my hand in my brother’s toybox and took it out to find a fishing hook pierced through the skin between my thumb and index finger. I then ripped it out cause I was afraid my dad would do it.

    You have a thing about bone under a thin layer of skin, I don’t like dangly flesh now, just seems like an accident waiting to happen. Like toenails, how many times have I ripped one off cause I ran without shoes on. ARGH I was a dumb kid.

  9. SanFranon 25 Feb 2009 at 1:13 pm

    LLG: Did you vomit into the laceration on your foot? Now THAT is nasty…

    Honestly, blood, guts, bones – all that don’t really affect me. We’ve all got ’em, and i think it’s fascinating how it all works. I was in a bike race years ago (mountain bike), and this guy passed me out in the woods, and he went around the corner of this big boulder on the trail and I heard a sound, similar to how a ski binder sounds when it pops off, only “organic”… I rounded the corner, and there he was, lying there, with his femur poking through his bike shorts.. HIS FUCKING FEMUR! You could see the marrow. Apparently, his leg just snapped under pressure – probably had some degenerative bone disease or something. That was pretty nasty, I have to admit.

    YJMML: i think this is one of the funniest posts since I’ve been stalking, er, following your blog.

  10. You Just Made My Anus!on 25 Feb 2009 at 1:49 pm

    LOL at the side note!

  11. LLGon 25 Feb 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Somehow the simple word “organic” in SanFran’s story made it just THAT much worse. It brought a whole other level of horrific to the image of femur-peek-a-boo.

  12. SanFranon 25 Feb 2009 at 2:22 pm

    never underestimate the power of the word ‘organic’…

    a production company I worked for years ago had a lot of clients in the medical industry, and I feel fortunate to have been invited into numerous operating rooms to witness (videotape) some pretty amazing surgeries – I drew the line though at eye surgery and ball surgery though. I think the coolest one was brain surgery…

    Anyhow, YJMML: what is it about skin on bone that you can’t handle? Is it the thought that, when you tap your finger on your sternum and it makes that hollow sound, you are nearly touching your skeleton, or something more? What about teeth? What about teeth biting into your shin? All bone-on-bone action, baby!

    I think this deserves further research, maybe you’ll be cured.

  13. SanFranon 25 Feb 2009 at 2:23 pm

    I just used “though” twice in one sentence. Dammit.

  14. Yours Trulyon 25 Feb 2009 at 3:55 pm

    I read through all the comments and now I can’t stop barfing.

  15. rachelon 25 Feb 2009 at 5:33 pm

    YJMML

    thank god you don’t have to give birth, because you would be shit-out-of-luck on the IV thing. as a man in reasonable health, you made be able to avoid the IV for a while…but eventually you will need one.

    when that time comes, be sure to piss and moan about what a big baby you are about needles and veins and stuff…also throw in that you are prone to fainting. they will take good care of you.

    also- is it possible that you are an adopted twin? because i think we are the same person.

  16. hodanon 25 Feb 2009 at 9:58 pm

    now i know why i skipped my anatomy classes. the human body is quite gross when injured.
    welcome back Listman!

  17. […] hate anything that has to do with shins, eyeballs or gums. Gums are profoundly disgusting to me. I take good care of my teeth and brush […]