Apr 27 2009

Giving a massage!

Published by at 3:03 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?


See the look on this woman’s face? You will never look like this while getting a massage from me.

I don’t care if giving a 5 minute massage would lead to hot, sweaty sex with Lucy Liu on a private Caribbean island while Brooke Burke and Keeley Hazel watch and beg to join in, I’m not doing it so stop asking, Lucy!

I absolutely LOVE to RECEIVE a massage, especially from a professional (insert happy ending joke here), but I despise giving them. I would rather retake the SATs than massage your back. When I try to give a massage I begin with good intentions but literally after 10 seconds I am sick and tired of it. I’m not happy, you’re not happy, so why bother?

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Giving a massage!”

  1. Kieron Mooreon 27 Apr 2009 at 6:12 am

    my girlfriend always grabs my feet and starts massaging them… then after about 1 minute and im committed, she tells me now she wants a back rub in return… she then also moans if i stop about 5 minutes… very very annoying

    i dont think this should be about giving a massage…i think it should be “women who ask for a massage” as i dont mind giving on once in a while… but not ever bloody day !!

  2. guilty noodleson 27 Apr 2009 at 7:08 am

    not true. i only give massages to my husband and don’t get them in return. i gave a 45 minute foot rub to my husband last night and he passed out. i watched CSI.

  3. Tommyon 27 Apr 2009 at 12:31 pm

    once again proving your squareness gn. I agree with you Kieron. My gf thinks it’s some crime against her gender if I don’t feel like giving her massage whenever she asks for it. Also I do some sort of rubbing of her back most every day i see her but of course she is nothing but complaints about me not giving her a “real” massage. Damnit listy, you’re getting me pissed off. The real tragedy is that she is literally incapable of ever giving me a massage as in she doesn’t have the hand strength to do anything for me. Not to mention the fact that I don’t even need massages because I am so great.

  4. Neishon 27 Apr 2009 at 1:43 pm

    I think my boyfriend just gives terrible massages so I wont ever ask for one again. He’s just down right painful and it’s not like I don’t massage him, I try to ‘lead by example’ but he obviously missed the queues :S

  5. icecycle66on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Massages suck. I refuse to voluntarily touch another person, excluding acts of violence in effort to correct the wrong that done to me. And I’ll be damned if I pay another person to give me a massage. If anybody voluntarily attempts to touch me that is the last action they will take with their hands before they end up 12 feet away from their arms.

    My motto is: I won’t touch you because you are gross and you suck, if you won’t touch me in effort to turn your fancy little model hands into wrist stumps.

  6. Xinaon 27 Apr 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Personally, I’m a massage whore. I’ll take it from anyone. And a happy ending is pretty much always guaranteed for me.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:14 pm

    Xina – Guaranteed FROM you or FOR you? Either way you deserve an award or something.

  8. justapersonon 27 Apr 2009 at 8:31 pm

    …..if you know what you are DOING when giving a massage it CAN have a happy ending, without having to PAY for said happy ending, LOL.

    It’s kind of like playing the guitar; it’s ALL in the way you use your hands.

  9. Tommy Rocheon 28 Apr 2009 at 1:10 am

    i think you invited the “way too in to masturbation” crowd in with this topic dude.

  10. Annaon 16 Jun 2009 at 6:33 pm

    k, so this my first time to this website and I must admit, this is very entertaining. However, this is a little over blown. Sorry.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 16 Jun 2009 at 8:24 pm

    Anna – Overblown? This post? Wow, you must not have read the rest of my site if you think this one is overblown. Sorry, I really hate giving massages.

  12. stridayon 31 Oct 2012 at 1:07 pm

    i TOTALLY agree with Kieron Moore. My gf says that as a requirement for marriage, she wants someone who will give her a massage everyday!!!!! That is just not realistic and aren’t massages suppose to be a special thing…..she makes it sound like my purpose in life is to give her massages, regardless of how shitty my day has been!!!

  13. You Just Made My List!on 31 Oct 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Just break it off now, it’s for the best.

  14. Marieon 31 Jan 2013 at 11:58 pm

    My boyfriend asks for a back rub every damn day. EVERY DAY. I make it obvious that I hate doing it, such as taking forever to respond ,or saying “….sure,” or moaning and groaning. I don’t mind doing it every once in a long while, but every night?! Ugh it pisses me off. Especially since I never get one. I’ve gotten only one in the last 6 months.

  15. SO LOSTon 15 Feb 2014 at 5:40 pm

    My partner fights with me bcos i rufuse to give him foot massage every night..i am sick and tired of this attitude..i work hard all day and he does not even lift his finger to help me at home and we have been together for good few years and we got married few months ago and it all started after that. i am so feed up and i so wanted be happly married with him and it just sucks when the person i so wanted to be with turns out to be like this. It is not fair and i refuse to be treated like this and taken for granted. I failed to follow a simple rule in love…only love people who deserved to be loved…i was being noble and kind and forgiving all his wrong doing and now i am being taken for granted. i feel like a fool constantly defending myself with the very person who should protect me. I was a fool and i wasted my good part of my life with him.