May 21 2009

Queen on American Idol!

Published by at 3:00 am under Sucky TV,Why?!?


I made the mistake of accidentally seeing the last 10 minutes of American Idol last night and now I want to hide inside my testicles for the rest of my life. When Adam Lambert and the other douchebag finalist started singing Queen’s “We Are The Champions” I was already booking my flight to L.A. so that I might kick them in their smooth areas. But I was not prepared for what was about to happen next. The stage opened up and there were the surviving members of Queen backing up these turd wads. Yeah, the real fucking god damn QUEEN sharing the stage and taking a backseat to those two motherfuckers! I don’t want to live in a world where Queen has to share a stage with Adam Lambert’s eyeliner. I’m sure as I write this Freddie Mercury’s corpse is zombie walking its way to Brian May’s house looking for answers.

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28 comments so far

28 comments to “Queen on American Idol!”

  1. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 6:08 am

    I feel very alone in my absolute disdain for American Idol. So many musicians and celebrities seem to be getting in on the game, the net result is only Simon Cowell getting richer and richer.
    Never would I watch this show under any circumstances. I am, however, forced to hear about it on the morning shows (aka “the news”) while I’m getting ready for work. Therefore my precious brain cells are now holding on to those little bits of fact-turds and the next time someone starts talking about it, I can’t check out in absolute ignorance. Sigh.

    When will it end Listy? When?

  2. jasonon 21 May 2009 at 6:20 am

    I’m not a fan of the show, or a fan of anything much these days for that matter, but I fail to understand your venom on this issue listy.

    They are talented singers right? We do agree that they can sing well, right? So what’s the problem? Is it that they haven’t paid their dues to the industry? Is it that they haven’t struggled?

  3. You Just Made My List!on 21 May 2009 at 8:01 am

    Jason – What is there to understand? Who gives a shit if they can sing, although I would even argue that point, they are the biggest douchebags on the planet and they don’t deserve to prance around on stage with one of the most interesting, original and talented rock bands of all time. It also pisses me off that the music industry is so fucked up that the only way to be seen or heard is to get on a commercial or TV show.

    My anger makes perfect sense to me. Maybe they can technically hold a note but who gives a shit. Joey Ramone is one of the all time great singers but “technically” he can’t sing. The list goes on and on. I wonder if Johnny Cash (the coolest motherfucker that every walked the planet) would make it past the first round of American Idol auditions. “Yo yo yo, listen dawg, it was just OK for me. It was a little pitchy and yo, I don’t know, your voice is kind of weird. It’s a no for me. Paula?”

    Sorry, I’m not just a casual music fan and I never will be. Imagine if you were a baseball fanatic and they started pulling sucky people off the street to play in the major leagues.

    Music is more than just casual entertainment. Music is important and it makes me sad to watch it die.

  4. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 8:41 am

    I think those are interesting examples Listy… IMO the Ramones weren’t really ground-breaking (musically speaking). To me, they had a shtick and really rode it all the way (and good for them… at least they played live and found their own local scene, cultivated a unique fan base..etc.). And Johnny Cash’s best work was just ripping off other artists (don’t get me wrong, I like the Ramones and love Johnny Cash- just saying. Folsom Prison Blues? Total rip off, and Johnny got caught). I think the Ramones and Johnny Cash would’ve been on American Idol in the same way that the guys from Queen were.

    I think the point for me, which you hit on, is that the music industry as a whole is so off the rails, that respectable musicians are getting in line to play these branded “shows”. Talented,up-and-coming artists are shamelessly quoted saying things like “the only way to make music is to do a commercial” or “advertising is good money”. When did making music, for the sake of making music or having something to say, disappear? When the artist panders to the lowest common denominator, it’s never a good outcome. Sure they get rich (which seems to be the sole motivator now), but the indistry as it currently exists is not sustainable. Piracy and American Idol-type shows gut the work and value of artistry. The line becomes blurred as to what is an ad and what is a piece of art. Look at 30Rock, they are trying to put it out there in a clever way – just how much corporate manuvering the creative industries (television, movies, music) are required to uphold. The machine is making/creating/controlling the musician, instead of the musicians controlling the machine. It sucks, and I think a lot of musicians are trying to figure out what happens to their lives/careers in an industry they did not sign up for.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 21 May 2009 at 8:55 am

    Sure, the Ramones had a healthy amount of shtick, but Rock should be fun and a little bit of theater is part of that fun. It rules that they all dressed alike and had the same last name. Plus, their music totally rules even though every song was exactly the same!

    Johnny Cash is my God, that is all I will say about that.

    I’m not against a band trying to earn a living from selling a song for a commercial. Selling out an trying to get rich is another story though. I mean, selling my song helped buy me our modest house and I think that’s fair after 10 years of making nothing. Plus, I never intended our music to be in a commercial, so it wasn’t like I was writing songs with making money in mind. We made some money from shows, CDs and T-shirts, but really it all went right back into the band. I think there is a balance.

    But yes, the music industry is dead because the concept of cultivating art and good music is dead. I understand that record labels ALWAYS wanted to make money but they used to do it by releasing good music. “Dark Side of the Moon” would never be made today and that album was on the charts for almost 25 years! There exists a scenario where good art can make tons of money. I’m glad Pink Floyd got filthy rich from Dark Side, it’s one of the best albums ever created.

  6. Nickon 21 May 2009 at 9:57 am

    I’ve never seen the show….and I want to keep it that way. Just say no to:

    American Idol
    Guitar Hero
    Rock Band
    et al.

  7. hodanon 21 May 2009 at 10:05 am

    Nick you’re my hero.

    as for Queen on AI, they must’ve needed the money.

  8. mikeon 21 May 2009 at 10:06 am

    @Jason- “Talented Singers”. “Paid their dues in the industry”. Sweet Baby Jesus, I don’t have time to go into detail of why these guys are complete utter douche bag losers, and how the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame needs to place and * next to the 3 remaining members of Queen to describe how on May 20, 2009 they sold their Rock and Roll Souls to the Devil of Douche Bag, boring, Bland Music. Not mention KISS, Rod Steward, and whoever else was on last night. Ofcourse Gene Simmons has long always been a complete Smelly, Ugly Turd with the Ugliest Nappy Perm in the world. Seeing him with up their with his band was no surprise. But yeah, Queen that was a kick to the Genitals

    But the fact that those two, Adam Lambert and whoever the other guy was are complete douche bags isn’t what makes it so bad. If the 2 of them together could even have come close to the voice of Freddie, we would not be mad. We would be like, “Wow, those pansies together almost sound at good as Freddie did.” Shit, I don’t care how much of a douche someone is, if they can sing like Freddie then I’m a Fan, but no. It was alful seeing those guys sell out their Dead lead singer to these chumps for a couple of bucks and a few minutes of nalstagic spot light.

  9. mikeon 21 May 2009 at 10:20 am

    Listy, Music is not Dead. its just a little under the radar.

    The Black Keys
    Ben Folds
    Mountain Goats
    Arcade Fire
    Yeah Yeah Yeahs
    Minus the Bear
    Empire of the Sun
    the Veils
    Bill Callahan
    devendra banhart
    Band of Horses
    Sufjan Stevens
    Death Cab
    the Killers (5 Years ago)

    None compare to Queen or the Stones but still great, talented, original stuff.

  10. icecycle66on 21 May 2009 at 11:10 am

    I don’t get the idea that the winner of the show will become an idol. Elvis (as much as I hate his music) was an idol, The Beatles were idols. How is it that just through this show a person automatically becomes an idol?

    And another thing, what ever happened to working the bar scene for 6 years before getting picked-up by a talent agent. Lemmy said that he likes to sing looking up because it was an easy way to ignore the fact that there were only 10 people and a dog in the audience.

    Just because these hobo-butt hairs sing in church and stand in line for 3 days does not mean they have paid their dues. Paying your dues in the music/entertainment business is important shit. It builds credibility, hones skills, allows for the development and maturity of the artist. These shit-knuckles don’t have any of that, it’s like throwing a rookie pitcher into game 7 of the world series and expecting a win.

    Fuck these assholes with a Boogie Nights dick.

  11. Great Oden's Ravenon 21 May 2009 at 12:17 pm

    Thank you Mike. You just have to search a little harder to find bands that haven’t sold out yet. As for American Idol… what can you expect from the general idiocracy of America? Queen must’ve needed the $CASH$

  12. SanFranon 21 May 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Mike: Have you been snooping through my music library? Just finished an all-morning Mountain Goats binge here at work, and now well into Nada Surf’s “lucky” album. Next up, I think: (SMOG).

    I’ve not seen American Idol, save for a few examples online, nothing I’m personally interested in – and I agree with Listy – just because they can sing doesn’t mean finding fame as a quick-fix works out. Look at lottery winners… within a few months, they’re back to who they were, only their problems have multiplied. Sports sensations: they get paid buko, but have no management skills, having not worked through it from the ground level.


  13. Tommyon 21 May 2009 at 1:47 pm

    Mike has the right idea and this is the idea that I have stressed before. Music isn’t dead. The only way to be heard by “the masses” and to “get rich” is by getting on some show or commercial. That shit is a direct result of capitalism. Exploitation of something familiar to push a product. Music for the sake of music is still out there probably just as much as ever but you have to go out and find it. Just like always. I think the underlying issue here is that if you’re sitting on your ass in front of the tv and not attempting to discover what is outside of your immediate area you’ll miss out on all of the depth that our real culture has. With the internet making everything so readily available to everyone all the time there is this sense of entitlement that is developing in people that makes them think that nothing is worth more than a casual search. Real beauty and intrigue are found through careful and often long fought examination. Generally when you settle for something easy the quality is lacking.

    So do what I do listman. On the rare occasion that American Idol and I have crossed paths, I immediately change the channel. That cock shit isn’t worth one moment of my time.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 21 May 2009 at 1:54 pm

    I understand that music is not dead, but popular music is. Believe me, I listen to a lot of music and know there are good bands out there in the underground but my point is more generic. I miss the days when at least SOME of the popular music in out culture was not total shit.

  15. Tommyon 21 May 2009 at 2:00 pm

    I spent all day yesterday listening to NWA and eazy e. it was awesome

  16. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Music is not “dead”, the industry is pretty fucked up right now. I feel like Napster freaked them out and they’ve never recovered. They are in permanent panic mode.

    Nick is my hero…

    And that’s a pretty good list Mike. But I’m making farting sounds at the inclusion of Beck and the Killers. pppppphhhhhhhhhtttttttttttt.

    And, once again, I’m with icecycle.

    Listy, have you ever listened to the original Folsom Prison BLues? The first time I did, it broke my heart a little.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 21 May 2009 at 2:24 pm

    What is this original Folsom Prison Blues? Do you mean he ripped it off? I don’t get it.

  18. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 2:44 pm

    You know what… I don’t even want to tell you. It will make you sad. And then you will look up the other songs and your Johnny Cash image will be shattered. So…just know Cash was a good guy and paid up for stealing the song, though he didn’t pay much. At least he made it right (this went to court in I believe the 1970’s).

  19. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 2:47 pm

    All right, I’ll tell you.

    Go to itunes, and look up Gordon Jenkins “Crescent City Blues”….

  20. CreatureofHabiton 21 May 2009 at 2:48 pm

    But that’s all I’m telling you about.

  21. You Just Made My List!on 21 May 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Nothing will ever turn me against Johnny Cash. He can steal all the songs he wants!

  22. CreatureofHabiton 22 May 2009 at 6:18 am

    Lol @ Listy….

  23. motmtrrmon 22 May 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Whatever you think about AI is one thing – but I don’t think you get the Queen thing at all. Queen were always about doing whatever was the biggest, most watched thing at the time. They were four amazingly talented musicians who set out with the sole purpose of being the biggest goddam band on the planet, from day one. They were constantly commercial – from inventing music videos (for BoRhap), to being the first to play South American stadiums, to being the first white band to top the R&B charts (Bites the Dust), to totally kicking ass on Live Aid. Bob Geldof himself said he had to chase Freddie Mercury down to some beach and persuade them to do Live Aid by telling him a billion people would be watching it! In the 70’s when they started to notice that people loved to sing along and clap in unison at their concerts, Brian May actually sat down and wrote a song specifically to encourage it (We Will Rock You). They got Liza Minelli to sing at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert for Chrissakes – and you think he wouldn’t like Adam Lambert???? The fantastic thing about Queen is that they have always been so totally over-the-top mainstream while being the most original band ever AT THE SAME TIME! This is why when Freddie was alive all the music ‘critics’ hated them. Nowadays of course, the irony of that is lost as those same critics look back misty-eyed at the days when music was ‘real’. You didn’t see Elvis tuning down an appearance on the Ed Sullivan show – which was back in 1956 and was watched by 60 million people – 2.5 times as many as AI. Popular music has always been about this kind of thing, whether you like it or not.

  24. You Just Made My List!on 22 May 2009 at 1:21 pm

    I fully understand that Queen was HUGELY commercial and I have NO problem with that. The difference is that Queen had substance and talent. I am not against good bands who are very popular and incredibly successful. If you can’t see the difference between Queen and Adam Lambert then we will never see eye to eye.

  25. jasonon 22 May 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I don’t really think you can judge Adam Lambert on his artistic contribution to music at this point. He’s trying to win a contest and get a contract. At this point the show has a certain format and he has to perform within those parameters. Freddie and the other artists you have referenced had much more time to define who they are/were without the constraints put forth by an outside force. It’s abundantly clear that music has changed and what it takes to be successful today is much different than what it took 30 years ago, but AI isn’t the source of that change. American ‘sheep’ are, people that buy into what is ‘cool’ are why performers like Britany Spears are millionaires. That bitch can’t sing but she is still selling the shit outta albums. Who’s fault is that? AI? Adam Lambert? Doubt it. What’s wrong with letting some guyliner douche have his 15 mins. Who knows maybe one of them might actually be a talented artist, the blonde that now sings country music? I don’t know listy usually I’m right there hateing and ranting with you but on this I think your anger is misplaced.

  26. motmtrrmon 22 May 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Well, the issue is not the difference between Queen and Adam Lambert, but the difference between Queen and AI. My point was that no-one should be surprised or disappointed that Queen appeared on the show. Whether Lambert has substance or not its too early to tell. It took Queen 3 albums really before anyone thought they had substance. But Lambert can sing and understands how to hold a stage, and that’s a start at least. No-one knows of course, but I think Freddie might have liked him a lot.

  27. Jasonon 22 May 2009 at 9:41 pm

    At the very least they would have dated!!!

  28. Jeffon 23 May 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Queen pondering “Idol’s” Lambert as frontman