Jun 11 2009
The new Miracle Whip commercial!
“We will not be quiet!
We will not try to blend in!
We will not disappear in the background or play second fiddle!
We’re not like the others, we won’t ever try to be!”
You might think this battle cry was overheard at a recent gay marriage rally but NO, you stupid idiot, that’s your mayonnaise talking, bitch!
Fuck you world, I love Miracle Whip and if you don’t like it you can eat my creamy, white shit. Don’t try and tell ME and MY generation what condiments we should eat. Take your old man sandwich spread and shove it up your old man ass because guess what motherfucker, I’m going to eat Miracle Whip with a spoon while getting a mohawk. Look dude, I don’t care if I spill a little M-Whip on my Ron Paul poster, because that’s the way it goes man when you are fucking vibing on a jar of the Whip! Now if you will excuse me, I have to comb my ironic mustache and down a little Whip before going to my bike messenger job. Jealous?
You can have my Miracle Whip when you pry it from my COLD, DEAD, FAT HAND!
Don’t be boring! You wouldn’t understand, old Man.
I have been deprived for years now. My lady doesn’t like M-Whip, so, I don’t get M-Whip. I know, some of you are temped to make the P-whip reference and I don’t blame you. I am and I’m consigned to the fact that my likes and dislikes are secondary to hers now. Sometimes though, I fantasize about what it would be like to make a nice ham and tomato sandwich with M-Whip instead of Hellman’s Real Mayonnaise. I know I shouldn’t and sometimes I feel dirty but I’m sure the M-Whip would be so freakin delicious that I could never go back again!
i like miracle whip
Mayo makes me nausious I’ve been M-whippin’ sense I was a tot.
I expect to see designer Whip jars now by Ed Hardy, mmm tangy and collectable
Listy, your ire is palpable today, even from behind my firewire.
Strong work.
M-Whip: not a fan, but that’s OK – I would sooner dive, open maw, into a vat of M-Whip than relish or, Satan’s Own condiment, Mustard. Fuck that shit.
Horseradish is the win.
Jason – Didn’t you learn anything from these commercials? DON’T TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE AND EAT SOME FUCKING WHIP!
Joe – Thank you for not talking about raping me for once.
Sara – “Ed Hardy” – Funny!
SanFran – Don’t talk shit about mustard!
Whale’s Vagina – Barf.
I like your prose dear sir. How white can a company be…edgy mayonnaise substitute commercials?
What do you put on your delicious home cooked roast beef then? Miracle Whip? What the hell is Miracle Whip anyway? Is it to mayo what Hershey’s is to chocolate? (i.e. only eaten by Americans and not worthy of international export).
You can keep Bud as well. Don’t start me on that one.
Horseraddish: I wouldn’t even eat it with your mouth, V@gina….
Sadly, I never make home cooked roast beef.
it isnt rape if you shout surprise. and i always do.
who the fuck uses mayonnaise anymore?!
ranch is where it’s at baby!
sadly i learned how great food can be on a virgin atlantic flight. my mom was a terrible cook. now i eat anything and everything but mayo? that’s just boring
if jiffy had an arbrtrairy point. woul you call it ar…f
Roast lamb: mint sauce
Roat pork: apple sauce
Roast turkey/chicken: cranberry sauce
Roast pheasant: bread sauce
Roast beef: horseradish.
I don’t make the condiment rules. I can only obey them.
WTF is bread sauce?!
I’m sorry but M-Whip is disgusting. A teeninsey bit of Mayo on a sandwich just for moisture is okay.
Mustard can suck my balls [Figuratively speaking]
Relish is awesome.
Ranch is the shit but, Ketchup is ruler of the condiments. Goes on ANYthing. End of story.
It all just adds fat to the saddlebags anyways…
Oh and Roast beef with melty cheddar on a dry bun rocks my world.
KETCHUP DOES NOT BELONG ON HOT DOGS!
http://www.youjustmademylist.com/?p=1449
now I HATE Miracle Whip and have to burn my Miracle Whip painting (not made with Miracle Whip, but of an image of the old style packaging)
fuck you Madison Avenue for co=opting my one small condimental piece of nostalgia. assholes
I’ve been waiting for YEARS to get permission to use Miracle Whip on my panini and crostini.
[...] the recent Miracle Whip campaign is much more offensive to the actual demographic Kraft is attempting to market mayo to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel their [...]
That is the most ridiculous commercial! And Miracle Whip tastes disgusting!
[...] like Miracle Whip, Radio Shack is about to dial up their attitude and punch you in the face with their dick, and if [...]
This is the bullshit that Kraft is making us go through? The lovable processed food giant ran by the amiable Phillip Morris Inc., the same rag-tag gang of jolly mother fuckers that pump you full of Marlboro Cigarettes? I guess so. We few enlightened individuals can see through the shitstorm we call the commercial break, but i believe this is a statement of where society is sitting right now as a whole.
The Kraft marketing team sees the North American Demographic for what it is (Exactly what they want it to be), a bunch of Hipsters caught in a purgatory of faux-individuality, a bunch of over-weight kids spurned into social-anxiety by T.V., Playstation, and Facebook. YOU LIKE WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO LIKE!! …pardon my rambling… But they understand that today, you get pummeled by up 5000 ads a day, you go through your daily grind on auto-pilot. They want “The Unique Dip-Smacking Flavour” programed into your auto-pilot function, so when you go to the grocery store, you dump a jar of whipped animal lard into your cart without question or consideration.
I just…. don’t… know…. We’re all doomed if we keep this shit up… Perhaps when my ranting skills are more finely honed, I can do something about it… Till then, try and stifle your remaining brain cells from leaking out of your ears… Or end it all right now, thats your best bet at the moment.
MacRazy – Very nice rant!
There’s no such thing as bad viral marketing.
jjj – I’m not really sure how this commercial is viral though. Plus, I’m going to disagree with you, not all viral marketing is positive for the brand.
this commercial is just silly, its for fucking mayonaise, will this really increase their sale prices? hopefully not when viewers like me see it and buy the opposite brand. which is just as good with my bologna
The heck with MW, I’m just diggin’ the chick.
[...] like the world’s most ridiculous appropriation of “youth culture” for advertising purposes, these commercials ask you to believe the world is filled with [...]
[...] here, complete with hipster mayo-eaters doing bong hits out of old mayo jars…and here is youjustmademylist.com proposing their own much-improved script (this one gets my vote, even over colbert…sorry [...]
Miracle Whip is disgusting.
….and its a fucking salad dressing NOT even comparable to mayo.
According to Kraft foods “Miracle Whip/Miracel Whip salad dressing is known for its zesty taste and creamy consistency. Consumers all over the world use “the zip” in different ways, including in dips, creamy potato and pasta salads, dressings and as a sandwich spread. ”
http://www.kraftfoodscompany.com/brands/largest-brands/brands-m/miracle-whip.aspx
[...] stolen the contents of my handsome head. This time around these pilfering sons-of-asses have taken my genius thoughts about the Miracle Whip commercials and used them word for word. Literally WORD FOR WORD! Well, maybe not literally word for word but [...]
it’s the cocaine of condiments
you can’t deny its dominance
it’s obvious. it’s prominent.
it’s the cocaine of condiments.
it’s Miracle Whip
Miracle Whip
Miracle Whip
Miracle Whip
blend it up and take a sip.
http://www.myspace.com/donaldkrump
lol If I use Miracle Whip on my sandwich I will be COOL! Sorry Kraft I won’t buy into your plan to buy your high fructose corn syrup laden salad dressing. Mayo all the way.
[...] what hipsters, the Hells Angles are here to take your precious Miracle Whip out of your tiny hands and fucking [...]
How do they even attempt to compare Mayo and Miracle Whip? I really like Mayo, and almost anything I like Mayo on I HATE Miracle whip on. We ran out of Mayo and had to make a Tuna sandwich with Miracle Whip, freakin’ gross man! How can they compare these two things? I mean it seems to me like you are comparing two totally different condiments which doesn’t really make any sense…. Why would you compare ketchup to mustard? I like both, but I am not about to put ketchup on my pretzels, or mustard on my fries….
And the commercial is annoying as heck. Makes me wonder who the hell thought it was a good idea and why they are still alive.
How do they even attempt to compare Mayo and Miracle Whip? I really like Mayo, and almost anything I like Mayo on I HATE Miracle whip on. We ran out of Mayo and had to make a Tuna sandwich with Miracle Whip, freakin’ gross man! How can they compare these two things? I mean it seems to me like you are comparing two totally different condiments which doesn’t really make any sense…. Why would you compare ketchup to mustard? I like both, but I am not about to put ketchup on my pretzels, or mustard on my fries….
And the commercial is annoying as heck. Makes me wonder who the hell thought it was a good idea and why they are still alive.
Miracle Whip is just Mayo + 2 cups of sugar. Not only pointless, but disgusting as well.
The only person I pity more than the girl at the end of this commercial doing the ‘sultry’ look at the camera while doing some sort of offensively strange posing with the Miracle Whip jar is ME. I have to watch videos of Maru the cat for TWO HOURS after being subjected to this commercial just to get through the anger.