Jul 01 2009

Those new Canada commercials!

Published by at 3:20 am under Sucky TV

Come to Canada and get killed!

Apparently danger lurks around every corner in Canada. If the crumbling glacier doesn’t get you, the aggressive sea creatures probably will.

Visit Canada and watch the ice caps melt, on your face!

Come to Canada, where you will be sexually assaulted by wild seals!

Canada. Our whales don’t give a fucking fuck!

Canada. Prepare to have your nerd ass tossed off a bridge!

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16 comments so far

16 comments to “Those new Canada commercials!”

  1. mister canadaon 01 Jul 2009 at 5:40 am

    Okay, so, here’s the in-joke… these are actually the pet projects of our defense minister, Peter MacKay. The hope was that, if we were to show other countries how craAaAzy Canada was, people would stay away… and this would be the most effective way to keep terrorism from our soil. This backfired. Instead, we got the equally crazy x-treme sports enthusiasts who arrive here only to find out that each of these locations is actually thousands of miles apart from one another, separated by great swaths of barren landscape, blackflies, mosquitos, moose, and shitty little hamlets. The tourists then leave, pissed that they spent 3000 bucks on a return flight and a bed and breakfast that DID NOT serve either back-bacon OR poutine. We never see them again.

    These ads are single-handedly destroying our country’s tourism-based economy. Please help. We will accept canned goods as donations.

  2. jasonon 01 Jul 2009 at 6:34 am

    O’ Can-a-Da! For crying out loud. Get a more upbeat national anthem and stop trying to be anything more than America’s cold hat. Tourism? I guess its the spot for fishing and hunting but it’s not exactly on everyone’s list for spring break now is it?
    On a side note the people from Ontario and Quebec should learn to drive and stop taking over my favorite restaurants. From November to April I am basically living under house arrest conditions because you asshats from Ontario and Quebec won’t go home.
    I will give you one thing, you are more polite than the Jersey snow birds, but that doesn’t make up for the no tipping policy of Cana-fucking-da!

  3. Yours Trulyon 01 Jul 2009 at 6:59 am

    Clubbing rapist seals to death doesn’t seem so barbaric anymore, does it? So next time you jump on the “don’t club baby seals” bandwagon, remember this: that horny baby seal would pillage your tender ass in a heartbeat if it had the chance.

  4. mister canadaon 01 Jul 2009 at 7:22 am

    if canada is nothing more than america’s cold ass hat, does that mean that america is nothing more than an ass?

  5. mister canadaon 01 Jul 2009 at 7:23 am

    i’ve paraphrased and edited the context and content of jason’s post, somewhat…

  6. hodanon 01 Jul 2009 at 11:22 am

    Any country that doesn’t have sex, violence and rock n roll doesn’t get my vote.sorry Canada.oh don’t look so sad, Canada Dry will forever be my favorite soda.

  7. Tommyon 01 Jul 2009 at 1:05 pm

    i like canada

  8. You Just Made My List!on 01 Jul 2009 at 1:22 pm

    Tommy – I like Canada too but I don’t need to be attacked by wildlife every 5 minutes.

  9. hodanon 01 Jul 2009 at 2:30 pm

    damn! Karl Malden is dead too.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 01 Jul 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Didn’t Karl Malden die approximately 200 years ago?

  11. hodanon 01 Jul 2009 at 4:12 pm

    I thought he was dead too.

  12. Perryon 02 Jul 2009 at 7:06 am

    “Canada. Our whales don’t give a fucking fuck.”

    I’m pretty sure this is the greatest slogan I’ve ever heard for my country.

  13. jasonon 02 Jul 2009 at 7:31 am

    mister canada, ass? America? I will agree that America has it’s share off ass/asshats/assheads and any other version there of but I think the country as a whole is pretty freakin awesome. Awesome enough to possess Lord Stanley’s cup for the past couple of years at least. While it is unfortunate that we don’t have free health care we can go see a doctor today while we still have a problem.

    Don’t get me wrong. I love canada. I mean really, who doesn’t want to go shoot a ferocious blood thirsty moose. Who doesn’t want to see wild streams and rivers and throw scent laden lures into them and catch man-eating trout and salmon. And when bears get the mistaken idea that those places are their fishing spots I would like to pop a cap in their furry asses too. Imagine the nerve of those bears!

  14. Godon 02 Jul 2009 at 11:04 am

    I froze half their land, so I gave them extra.

  15. blades runneron 02 Jul 2009 at 3:41 pm

    I really hate these commercials too, especially the seals in Vancouver spot. I refuse to go to Canada until these are off the air.

  16. John daivson 02 Jul 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Wow, looks pretty scary to me dude!