Jul 08 2009

People who think they see Michael Jackson in this tree stump! (Plus, a few other Michael Jackson things)

Published by at 3:15 am under I Don't Get It,Sucky TV,Why?!?

michael jackson tree stump stockton california

“To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us then maybe Jesus did to some people. I think they are both about even, they are both icons.”

Well put dumb-ass, now promise me you will never have children or be responsible for anything living, ever. Don’t buy a hamster or even a house plant. Just sit quietly in your La-Z-Boy, eat pizza-flavored Combos and watch “Jon and Kate Plus 8” until you die.

I’ve already discussed idiots who think they see Jesus in their food, but at least their holy discoveries kind of look like Jesus. This tree stump looks suspiciously like a tree stump. Is this an elaborate joke being played on me? I can’t see ANYTHING that resembles ANYTHING in this Stockton, California tree stump. God, I hate these people.

Michael Jackson rant #2
Did you see the news coverage of today’s memorial service at the Staples Center? All the newscasters were speaking in gentle hushed tones about Michael Jackson and his life. Fuck off, these are the same people who lived to tear him down and exploit any strange thing he did. Too late to play nice, assholes. Yes, Jackson was a weird guy but the media’s relentless condemnation of him helped make him that way.

Michael Jackson rant #3
paris jackson microphone

What could have been the most touching and emotional moment during the memorial was ruined by the Jackson family’s never-ending inclination to “perform.” Michael’s daughter Paris attempted to express her love for her father but was quickly schooled by 50 Jacksons about mic technique. The poor kid literally disappeared in a sea of Jackson hands while trying to say a heart-felt goodbye to her dad. They were telling her to “speak up” while taking turns jamming the mic in her little face. It’s hard enough to speak at your father’s funeral, especially when it’s in a fucking stadium, without being told you are doing it wrong. Watch it here

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “People who think they see Michael Jackson in this tree stump! (Plus, a few other Michael Jackson things)”

  1. jasonon 08 Jul 2009 at 5:42 am

    “They’re both icons”, really? Really, you fucking talking tub of stupidity? Jesus was not the ‘about the same’ as Michael Jackson. If you believe in Christ he was the son of The Lord God, not a very talented performance artist that made an insane amount of money. If you don’t believe in Christ, he was a fairy tale figure not an eccentric fairy that was predisposed to little boys.

    I know, I know, the second kid came forward and said his Dad made him lie. What about the first boy? If someone accused me of child molestation I would never, NEVER pay them money to make it all go away. I would continue to declare my innocence to any and everyone until the false accuser came forward and recanted the allegation.

    There is my rant. Back to the stump. With the shadows playing on it and the right distance I thought for a second it reminded me of the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz especially since they put a picture of the scarecrow next to it!

  2. Great Oden's Ravenon 08 Jul 2009 at 9:19 am

    Micheal Jackson was a child molester and Steve McNair was a victim of his own immoral life and yet we cannot stop talking about how much “we” miss them and how their passing is such a tragedy. People are stupid.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 08 Jul 2009 at 9:35 am

    Nobody REALLY knows the truth about what Michael Jackson did or didn’t do with those kids. I make no apologies for child molesters, BUT there is no way for you or me to know what really went on so we can’t truly say he’s innocent or guilty.

    If I was forced at gunpoint to share my opinion, I would guess that Jackson was weird and snuggly with kids but probably did not actually molest anyone. This is only my best guess, I obviously could be very wrong.

    I don’t know anything about Steve McNair but the truth is I personally DO miss Michael Jackson and find his life to be very tragic. Let’s not forget, the guy was insanely talented too.

  4. Paul in St. Paulon 08 Jul 2009 at 10:24 am

    I think Jackson’s slumber parties were extremely suspect, at best. On the other hand, what parent would send their son to one except somebody looking for a payout? As for his ability to manipulate and get what he wanted, how the hell did he get his hands on Diprivan? That’s no Vicodin.

    I prefer to think of and remember the pre-Thriller Michael Jackson. I don’t know if the adult Michael Jackson ever stood a chance.

    And that memorial was pretty horrendous. Most of those people weren’t even paying him even lip service until the cult of death got rolling.

    Did he transcend race? Yes, both in a societal and a surgical way. As soon as he really made a musical bridge, he started turning himself into a White Diana Ross.

    And those Stockton assholes stole that Jesus line from the Beatles.

    And speaking of visions, in Chicago it was always La Virgen de Guadalupe, not Jesus, whose mysterious image appeared on everything from dented garage doors to moving trucks. Sightings constituted about 10% of the Spanish-language newscasts.

    In other news, I have witnessed a vision of Farrah glimmering in my neighbors’ filthy above-ground pool – only when the sun hits it just right.

  5. Paul in St. Paulon 08 Jul 2009 at 10:35 am

    Also, regarding the question of whether it was Michael Jackson or The Scarecrow, as the idiotic news wonders, may we all remember that Michael Jackson WAS the fucking Scarecrow in the film version of The Wiz. I’m sold! The tree HAS revealed Michael Jackson AS the Scarecrow. Or the Virgin. I’m on the fence about it.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 08 Jul 2009 at 10:43 am

    Paul – THANK YOU!, I finally understand why they are talking about. I see his Wiz character in the stump now! I take it all back, these people are awesome.

  7. RBoneon 08 Jul 2009 at 11:04 am

    The stump more resembles Dan Halen from Squidbillies:


    or Murderface from Metalacolypse:


    And thats about it.

  8. T-Ravon 08 Jul 2009 at 11:49 am

    I agree about the folks in Stockton regarding the tree stump,but I don’t blame them for saying he means a lot to them because he did perform at an elementary school in 1989 following a devastating shooting.It was obviously meaningful to that community at that time and I am sure many Stockton residents still remember that and are grateful that he was able to do that for them in a time when that community was coping with a tragic event.

  9. Tommyon 08 Jul 2009 at 12:13 pm

    My girlfriend is from Stockton and her mom was a teacher at that school. She met MJ that day. Said he was weird.

  10. Tommyon 08 Jul 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Oh and he didn’t perform he just came to the school

  11. hodanon 08 Jul 2009 at 12:55 pm

    isn’t Stockton the meth capital of northern California? they’re all crackheads.can’t blame them for seeing something on a stump.

  12. Yours Trulyon 08 Jul 2009 at 3:20 pm

    WTF is a pizza-flavoured Combo? Is that food?

    -Remember that I come from a land where a “double-double” is a type of coffee and not a hamburger.

  13. ButteryPaton 08 Jul 2009 at 7:12 pm

    That thing is supposed to look like Michael Jackson? More than one person actually believes this? I don’t understand. Usually when somebody’s got a toilet stain that looks like Jesus, or a potato chip that looks like Chester A. Arthur or whatever, it at least sorta looks like it. I don’t think squinting while being hit over the head with a brick after ingesting several tabs of acid would allow me to turn that tree stump into the undeniable visage of Michael Jackson.

    Oh, and Stockton is a place I try never to venture. It’s easy to accidentally wind up in Stockton, and when you do, you find yourself having one hell of a time getting out.

  14. T-Ravon 08 Jul 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Tommy,I stand corrected.Thank you,he only did just visit the school.

  15. rachelon 09 Jul 2009 at 11:22 am

    the only resemblance that i see between the tree stump and MJ is the lack of a nose.

  16. SanFranon 09 Jul 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Do you know what I see in that tree trunk?

    A sphincter.

    I guess if you squint hard enough, you can see just about anything you want.

    Ooooh, look.. Shiny object!

  17. Christineon 09 Jul 2009 at 2:53 pm

    You missed the lead from the Paul in St. Paul, Listy, the funniest line was:
    “And those Stockton assholes stole that Jesus line from the Beatles.”
    I think that’s going to be my tagline on Facebook now. Well played, St. Paul.

  18. mattieon 19 Aug 2009 at 11:07 am

    Anyone in the mood for cuttin a tree down?