Aug 17 2009

Hair salons named “Shear” something!

Published by at 3:45 am under I Don't Get It

shear hair salons

If you are reading this post from your iPhone while sitting in the waiting room at one of the thousands of hair salons hilariously named “Shear” something, I can promise you 3 things… 1) you are about to get a shitty haircut 2) you are sitting within 5 feet of a Nagel-style window decal and 3) you don’t really own an iPhone, that’s your VCR remote.

I’m sure the first person to come up with this hilarious pun probably sat straight up in the middle of the night and screamed, “I’ve got it! Shear Talent! Ed. Ed. Ed. ED, WAKE UP! I finally have a name for my salon!” I’m also sure Ed rolled back over and prayed to the Lord to kill him in his sleep. I will give this first person a pass, but this madness (shear madness?) needs to stop. The Government needs to forget all this health care nonsense and immediately put an end to any new salon wanting to be named “Shear” something. Priorities!

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Hair salons named “Shear” something!”

  1. Jonathanon 17 Aug 2009 at 8:43 am

    Hey Listy,

    I went to a Mets game yesterday, and I’d love to see you rant about the special “club seating” at baseball games where assholes pay $600 to SIT INSIDE, DRINK BEER AND WATCH TV. Here’s a tip: YOU CAN DO THAT AT A BAR. FOR FREE.

  2. Saraon 17 Aug 2009 at 9:29 am

    There’s a place by my old High School called “Curl up and Dye”

    the “Shear Ecstacy” place looks like it might give you more then just a blow dry at the end…I’m thinking blow but more in the happy ending type

  3. You Just Made My List!on 17 Aug 2009 at 9:44 am

    Sara – Yeah, there is a “Curl Up and Dye” in Chicago. That was also the name of the salon Carrie Fisher works at in The Blues Brothers. Yeah, “Shear Ecstacy” sounds like a great place for a hair cut and a handjob.

    Jonathan – Agreed! The best way to see a baseball game is to sit in the Wrigley Field bleachers, baking in the sun and covered in beer and sweat. I don’t even like going to basketball games in person because everyone there is a rich, white, preppy douche. I’m talking about everyone, not just the skybox people. As Mr. Blume says in Rushmore, “Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the cross-hairs, and take them down.”*

    *don’t actually kill rich people

  4. rachelon 17 Aug 2009 at 11:08 am

    this post was a shear delight! *malevolent laughter*

  5. Jonathanon 17 Aug 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Oh, so you’ve been to a Knicks or Rangers game at Madison Square Garden? Aside from the last ten rows in the arena and Spike Lee, everybody at the game is a blue-shirt-and-khakis-wearing hedge fund asshole checking his Blackberry the whole game.

    And don’t even get me started on the $1250 (originally $2500!!) seats at the new Yankee Stadium. IT’S A FUCKING BASEBALL GAME, NOT A LUXURIOUS HAWAIIAN CRUISE. Your view is only slightly better than mine from the $30 cheap seats!!

  6. SanFranon 17 Aug 2009 at 1:28 pm

    this is just fucked. up.

    Saturday morning, my friends and I were having a discussion on exactly this matter… Across the street from their bike shop is a Shear Something salon, and I asked if they all went over there and got gussied up with some sweet hair styles out of some dated book filled with pictures of dudes taken with haze filters and the likes… The assured me “no”, but I don’t buy it.

    Anyhow, it led me to share with them a friend of mine’s sister, who has the quintessential Nagel-style doo… It’s whispy & spikey while being gelled, and has not one, but THREE variations of highlight spiked throughout.

    This isn’t some modern interpretation I’m taking about.. but she could well be the fucking model from which the countless posters are penned from.

    Which now reminds me of some kooky mo-fo on my college campus in vermont.. He had a denim jacket with a silkscreen of a Nagel on the back. It was ridiculous, but he liked it.. A lot.

    OK, I’m going to go listen to Duran Duran’s “Rio” and gaze dreamily at the album cover.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 17 Aug 2009 at 1:35 pm

    SanFran – Jesus Christ, a GUY had the balls to walk around with a Nagel jean Jacket? I don’t care what decade it was, that’s insane.

    Reflex flex flex flex flex

  8. Paul in Saint Paulon 17 Aug 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Do you remember the Shear Madness audience participation hairstyle whodunit play, which had ads on Chicago buses for approximately ten fucking years?

    I was horrified to find this is still running somewhere, namely Albany, NY. The website warns, “It’s guilty of being hilarious!”

  9. You Just Made My List!on 17 Aug 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Paul – How could I forget it? Those ads were everywhere. However, I had no idea it was an audience participation play about hair. The ads were so common that they had the reverse affect on me, at some point I stopped noticing them. I feel like I could hand draw it from memory.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 17 Aug 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Judging from the wacky looks on the faces of the actors on the Shear Madness website, they play is INDEED guilty of being fucking hilarious!

  11. Amandaon 18 Aug 2009 at 3:32 am

    We have a “shear brilliance” and a “shear energy” (I really don’t get that one..) about 4 blocks apart from each other around here. I desperately needed a trim and had very little time, so I settled for shear brilliance. It was either one of those or “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” but that just sounded like a terrible experience.

    Anyway, every person in there was easily pushing 80 years old, and the stylist I got took off about 5 inches when I had asked for 1. It was shear bullshit!

  12. Jeffon 19 Aug 2009 at 8:30 am

    Some of these are pretty good actually:

  13. You Just Made My List!on 19 Aug 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Jeff – there are some good ones in that list. “the dick liquor”