Sep 30 2009

Cat towers!

Published by at 3:28 am under Why?!?

cat tower

If only there was a way to make my white trash house more white trashier. Hmmmmmm, maybe 30 branches covered in pink carpet will do the trick!

Listen up, I love cats, I really do. If you have never owned a cat you are probably thinking up different ways to call me gay right now. Well joke’s on you buddy because cats rule, end of story. I also understand the desire to give your cat a few cuddly areas in the house for napping and looking cute purposes. Yeah, that’s right, I find it endlessly adorable to watch cats sleep, fuck you. But I will never understand the desire to completely strip what little dignity your shitty living room has left by shoving some giant cat jungle gym up its ass. Sure, Snickers and Doodles might like to climb it and and snooze, but they would be equally happy on your Harley-Davidson pillows or your Dora the Explorer fleece blanket that you keep on your matching La-Z-Boys.

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16 comments so far

16 comments to “Cat towers!”

  1. ben droveron 30 Sep 2009 at 6:35 am

    I love cats as well, and because of this fact I not only built cat houses, junglegyms and towers for mine to play on, I turned most of my living space into a cat house. And I do not mean a vegas whorehouse! Lots of same colored carpet constructed into a vast city and it looks really tasteful, but more importantly fun for the cats, and all the local children who climb and play upon it afterschool. We love it and it barely looks white trashy…unless you can see the other mobile homes thru the towel covered windows.

  2. Jeffon 30 Sep 2009 at 10:19 am

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

  3. SanFranon 30 Sep 2009 at 11:28 am

    Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat!

    Cats…. meh…

    My family always had ’em growing up – my mom & sister still do… It’s not that I don’t like cats, like many suspect – I like cool, dog-like cats, not these fussy “one-person” assholes that many people seem to have. That being said, I have had some pretty kick-ass felines in my life over these 36 some years – I just have no desire to have one in my own home.

    Cats aside though, cat towers are bad, bad news… My friends had (have?) one, and I remember how terrifying it was, sitting there, stoned out of my skull on their couch, with this towering mess of carpet and dangly things and and and… this unfriendly cat named “Thumbs” doing all sorts of freakish maneuvers. From where my ass sat in that sunken couch, the tower looked to be at least 32 stories tall, about to come crashing down on my and ruining my buzz.

    I like how dogs don’t need things like this, and the’ll get stoned and drink beer with you.

  4. SanFranon 30 Sep 2009 at 11:32 am

    *dammit, I’ve been having some spelling/grammatical errors of late – I need to get it together, and stop posting anything pre-coffee…

  5. Patrickon 30 Sep 2009 at 12:00 pm

    Listy, I’m not behind you on this one. Pet lovers love to spoil their pets. These cat towers are a good way to keep the cat entertained (for about 10 seconds, but whatever). I can think of things way more outrageous than the cat tower. Ever heard of doggy daycare?

    http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&=&q=doggy+daycare&btnG=Google+Search

  6. hodanon 30 Sep 2009 at 12:36 pm

    i hate the Killers.

  7. guilty noodleson 30 Sep 2009 at 12:55 pm

    With our very first dog, we used to send her to a doggy bed and breakfast, where there was a large enclosed yard and she had full run over the entire victorian home. She was allowed on the furniture (wasn’t in our home) and slept in the same bed with the owner (what?). I think I just trumped doggy daycare.

    This, however has totally blown my mind:
    http://craziestgadgets.com/2008/07/31/wearable-dog-poop-catching-gizmo/

  8. Saraon 30 Sep 2009 at 1:49 pm

    the only toy my dog has/hasnt destroyed is a trike tire we found and if she’s a good dog she gets a couple of hard smacks on the ass (she likes it rough)
    Might I say I have a pitbull.

  9. Yours Trulyon 30 Sep 2009 at 4:23 pm

    My aunt has one of those. She’s pushing 50, and lives alone with five cats, and she talks to them in annoying “baby talk”. Did I mention that two of the aforementioned cats are dead, and she has their cremated ashes on top of her T.V.?

    The moral of this story: if you have a cat tower, you are most likely bat-shit insane and will die alone. Enjoy!

  10. SanFranon 30 Sep 2009 at 5:08 pm

    if you learn about one thing today, let it be this:

    Toxoplasmosis

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis

  11. Jeffon 30 Sep 2009 at 8:18 pm

    And this:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Closeted

  12. Joeon 01 Oct 2009 at 7:26 am

    i like pooping.

  13. Mrs. Kickerson 03 Oct 2009 at 10:39 pm

    I hate people who call their pets children. They baby talk, put on ridiculous outfits on poor creatures, by organic pet carrots (because Beta Carotene is sooo important for cat’s vision) and insist on being called mom or dad. Ridiculous. Having a dog or a cat does not compare with changing 20000 shitty diapers. I wish I could get a baby tower for her to climb on and go on watching Judge Judy.

  14. Mrs. Kickerson 03 Oct 2009 at 10:40 pm

    I hate people who call their pets children. They baby talk, put on ridiculous outfits on poor creatures, buy organic pet carrots (because Beta Carotene is sooo important for cat’s vision) and insist on being called mom or dad. Ridiculous. Having a dog or a cat does not compare with changing 20000 shitty diapers. I wish I could get a baby tower for her to climb on and go on watching Judge Judy.

  15. Moogon 25 Jan 2012 at 1:58 am

    Do you people really have nothing better to do than comment on how much you hate cat towers, say how you hate people who call pets “children”, and argue about the positive, and negative effects of A CAT TOWER!?

  16. You Just Made My List!on 25 Jan 2012 at 3:28 am

    Moog – You realize the irony of your comment, right? Please say yes.