Oct 20 2009

CNN’s giant iPhone “magic wall” hologram bullshit!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Sucky TV

cnn hologram magic wall

To be fair, CNN is not the only network playing with giant iPhones and ridiculous “holograms,” but I think they were the first so they deserve to be punished.

Every time I see John King or Anderson Cooper fingering that giant screen on CNN, a little barf comes up. Can someone explain to me how some turd in a suit molesting a map helps me better understand election results or the 5 day weather forecast? It may look cool but it’s utterly useless. I hate that the news has to look like the fucking X-Games now. Ooooh look, Wolf Blitzer is standing up, this newscast is EXTREME, TO THE MAX! I think I mostly blame Fox News for this style of news. Maybe I mostly blame dumb Americans. I might also blame Mtv. Maybe I just blame everyone who isn’t me.

I miss the days of anchors like Walter Cronkite who actually understood the news they were reporting. Cronkite didn’t need to slide shit all over the screen to deliver the news, he just looked you in the eye and said “Sit down, shut up, here’s the news.”

“It isn’t a TOY you stupid bitch!”

“There are 35 cameras reaming me… and I LIKE it!”

And finally…

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7 comments so far

7 comments to “CNN’s giant iPhone “magic wall” hologram bullshit!”

  1. Joeon 20 Oct 2009 at 8:08 am

    if i could, i’d make a hologram of my giant penis and parade it around the news studio screaming “WORK THE SHAFT” or something to some hilarious effect. something. poop.

  2. Saraon 20 Oct 2009 at 8:13 am

    Speaking of news channels
    The White house just made a press release stating that all other news organizations are to stop working with and to outright ignore Fox News.

    I mean they’re assholes and all but do they realy need goverment sanctioning?

  3. 8bitheroon 20 Oct 2009 at 10:36 am

    To be fair, the news stopped being “the news” when Rather and Kronkite stopped telling it like it was.

    It’s all infotainment sponsored by Ford and McDonalds with tons of pretty lights and shiny things to hide the fact that they just (really, they just did) spend 30 minutes talking about Jon and Kate, a surfing squirell, and the latest internet fad.

    You want news? BBC World News and NPR.

    Everything else is more mind numbing drivel for the retarded, sloshing masses that is America.

  4. 8bitheroon 20 Oct 2009 at 10:38 am

    Saraon
    Speaking of news channels
    The White house just made a press release stating that all other news organizations are to stop working with and to outright ignore Fox News.

    I mean they’re assholes and all but do they realy need goverment sanctioning?

    Honestly, Fox news isn’t even close to news. the do about 1 hour of actual news reporting a day. the rest of the time is spent on the opinion shows that get Republicans all frothy at the mouth.

    Opinion shows. That’s all they are. Intelligent people don’t read the opinion pages of a newspaper for the latest news.

  5. Saraon 20 Oct 2009 at 11:08 am

    Are you shitting me the opinion page is better then the comics! Why just the other day in my local paper someone finaly figured out that swine flu is government created (they didnt say why) and another well rounded citizen pointed out that if women in the navy want to work aboard submarines they should expect to get raped.

  6. 8bitheroon 20 Oct 2009 at 11:16 am

    Are you from DC? That was in the Metro paper here.

    Damned guvment creatin’ disease to kill the gays, blacks, poor, whoever the fashionable target is this week.

    And the submarinesses…well, men have no control at sea as witnessed by the rash of Pirates and Vikings.

  7. Joeon 21 Oct 2009 at 12:17 am

    swine flu is a fucking myth. its a placebo planted in all the news and its working just how they wanted it to. “but omg lol, october is already higher than the peak month last flu season” as if that means its true. retarded parents just like to think their kid has swine flu because he has a symptom or two, which are all fucking common. the government knows attention whores like that will shell out money for a vaccine full of water just so they can brag to all the other whores about how zebediah had it before all of their shitty quaker ass fuckin flea kids.