Nov 16 2009
You know those people in the Philippines and Latin America who flog and crucify themselves in an attempt to feel the exact pain Jesus Christ went through? Well, that’s nothing compared to the pain and horror of drinking water through a straw. If Jesus had to suck down a glass of water through a straw to save us from our sins I bet he would have thought twice about it.
“What’s it gonna be Jesus?”
“Um, hold on, I’m thinking. Is that nailing me to a cross thing still an option?”
This is a true story, I was once at lunch with a 5-year-old child who took a big drink of his water through a straw thinking it was soda. What followed was the most overt expression of disappointment I have EVER seen on a human face. He was literally on the brink of tears and who can blame him? The human brain is simply not equipped to handle such an assault, or lack thereof, on the senses. There is no doubt in my mind that this child will become a serial killer.
And while I’m on the subject of water… can you please stop putting a slice of lemon in my glass? I asked for water not the world’s shittiest lemonade.
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