Nov 17 2009

Skin tags!

Published by at 3:20 am under Why?!?

skin tags

OH-MY-GOD-I’M-GOING-TO-BARF

I know, we all have at least a couple of these unwanted little shits hanging around, but if there was ever proof that God is cruel, it’s skin tags! Their official name is “acrochorda” but you could call them “happy pretty sugar sacks” and they would still be just as disgusting. It’s not even that I think they are gross on other people, it’s more that when I find one on my body I feel like cutting my own head off.

I get happy pretty sugar sacks on my neck sometimes and usually don’t notice them until they get poked or snagged by my shirt collar. I can promise you this, the second they make themselves known I reach for the tweezers. Yeah, that’s right, I rip them off with all the subtlety of a wolf shaking a bunny to death. Do wolves eat bunnies?

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31 comments so far

31 comments to “Skin tags!”

  1. guilty noodleson 17 Nov 2009 at 10:21 am

    I started get mine after I had kids… and they’re BROWN. You can have your doctor snip them off or do it yourself. You don’t have rip them off with tweezers… just pull them taught and snip with a clean pair of sharp scissors.

  2. Hhhmmphon 17 Nov 2009 at 11:03 am

    Are you fucking kidding me???? Scissors? Tweezers? Cutting and ripping shit off your body? My ass hurts, for some reason, thinking about that shit. Stop it…please.

  3. Hhhmmphon 17 Nov 2009 at 11:13 am

    To answer any questions that may come from my previous post, no, I don’t have any skin tags in my ass. My ass area simply hurts when I think about, or see, any grossness. Just so you know.

  4. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 11:31 am

    Hhhmmph: it doesn’t hurt, and only bleeds for a few minutes, unless you’re on coumadin or the likes, in which case you could bleed to death on the cold tile floor of your bathroom, amongst the pubes.

  5. Hhhmmphon 17 Nov 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Thanks, SanFran, for the information. I have a skin tag (it’s brown too) but I’m still not convinced that I could snip or rip it off…Eeewww! What is that Coumadin that you speak of? I’m pretty sure that’s not one of my prescriptions. By the way, my tile floor in the bathroom is pubeless, as I am nicely waxed, and have OCD. So, If I happen to die there, I won’t be too ashamed, unless I’m found on the can.

  6. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 12:18 pm

    Coumadin is a blood thinner, prescribed to stroke victims and the likes…

    Send me your mailing address, and I’ll send you some pubes. We just had a house full of guests, so the bathroom is very much in need of cleaning.

  7. Hhhmmphon 17 Nov 2009 at 12:32 pm

    I’ll pass on the pubes for now, but thanks for thinking of me. Perhaps you could fashion a scarf out of the collected household guest pubes. Pube scarf + Louboutins=fashionista exstraodinaire!

  8. rachelon 17 Nov 2009 at 1:23 pm

    Listy~ SanFran is giving you a run for your money. Just a heads up.

  9. Great Oden's Ravenon 17 Nov 2009 at 1:59 pm

    I have had one on my boob for about 4 years now. I didnt know they come in brown. Yes, on my boob and brown. My fiance calls it a 3rd nipple. Maybe one day I will be brave and snip it off. Maybe I will have a few drinks tonight and see what happens…. EEK!

  10. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2009 at 2:06 pm

    Jeeze, I go to one morning meeting and all hell breaks loose!

  11. Saraon 17 Nov 2009 at 3:13 pm

    yea raven drunkenly wield scissors around your nipple. Record it to, there’s a fan base for all kinds of weird porn.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2009 at 3:17 pm

    You can also use nail clippers.

    (I’m going to fucking barf!!!)

  13. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 3:31 pm

    back in high school, I had a wart on my finger, and I just worked at it with a nail clipper every night, and sometimes even sandpaper, until it started to show evidence of capillary bleeding… then, I’d stop.

    It took about three months, but when it was finally no longer a bump, I put a drop of model-airplane fuel on it, which evaporates upon contact because of the nitromethane content (it’s a simple organic compound, so I thought it was “safe”).

    After about a week of this, the site was really dry, and cracked like a mud flat – creating an inhospitable environment for said wart. It never came back, and I applied the same procedure to a wart on my foot a few years later, which also worked like a charm. No scar, either!

    I think word got out in the wart community, because I’ve been wart-free ever since.

  14. Saraon 17 Nov 2009 at 4:20 pm

    anybody else have a disgusting body mutilating story? Anybody just get sick of their fingernails and ripped them out or something?

    and on the topic of wolf vs bunny
    http://www.brainshrub.com/blogmedia/images/bunny.jpg

  15. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2009 at 5:57 pm

    Sara – I have never purposely mutilated myself (other than a couple tattoos) but I did have most of my big toenail removed in high school thanks to an ingrown toenail. They had to jam a needle into the tip of my toe and because the tissue is so thick it took about 5 minutes to fully stab it in there. Horrible memory!

    I also once had a pretty good-sized zit on my penis. After a few days I decided it had to be popped so I locked myself in the bathroom and let the carnage begin. I won’t go into detail but it involved a sewing needle and a boner.

  16. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Rachel: I believe I am no longer giving Listy a run for his, or anybody’s, money.

    Listy: you may want to seek professional help.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Hey, Sara was the one who asked! I’m sure we all have horrible secrets that involve boners, I’m just man enough to admit it!

    I AM AWESOME, NEVER FORGET IT!

  18. Paul in Saint Paulon 17 Nov 2009 at 7:19 pm

    I get fucking skin tags on my face. I shave through them and they bleed but don’t slice off. My doctor has snipped them right off in the past with no blood or anything. Is it really safe for me to have at the one by my chin with cuticle scissors?

  19. You Just Made My List!on 17 Nov 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Paul – I actually researched this a little a while back because I wanted to remove a couple. As far as I can tell, it is perfectly safe to remove them yourself. There are a few techniques. Some as simple as cutting them off with the sterilized instrument of your choice, or more complicated methods involving tying it off with thread. They do bleed more than you would think but they don’t grow back.

    Happy tagging!

  20. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 10:17 pm

    What, nitro-methane model engine fuel isn’t good enough for you?

    Elitists.

  21. Paul in Saint Paulon 17 Nov 2009 at 11:07 pm

    SanFran, I understood that sanding/chemical burning was the home treatment for warts, not skin tags. Plus, it’s on my fucking face. I’d rather not have this end with me on Oprah sitting next to a woman whose face was ripped off by a chimp.

  22. SanFranon 17 Nov 2009 at 11:28 pm

    Paul, where’s your sense of adventure? I mean, what’s wrong with a little chemical burn, and if you’re lucky, like I was not, getting that in your blood stream?

    If it could take out a wart, a skin tag is no match.

    Which reminds me, what we did with the remaining gallon of the fuel was really, really stupid.

    We hung the gallon jug from a tree in the sand pit behind our house – down by the cranberry bog, and then we taped some M80s (procured at South of the Border by my dad) to it and lit the fuse (extended by about 6″, for safety, of course) and ran like hell.

    Well, the fuse actually burned through the plastic jug before it even got the the explosives, and ignited it (this shit was so fucking flammable it was unreal), which resulted in a mass-melting of the jug, and then a massive fireball cascading down into the sand, and pine needles, and grass, and with it came the M80s, which then went off, scattering the flaming mess everywhere.

    Fortunately, it must have rained recently, and the stuff burned so fast it was under control quickly.. but that was, officially, the last time I pissed my pants.

  23. You Just Made My List!on 18 Nov 2009 at 1:36 am

    SanFran – I just realized you said “model-airplane fuel” not “glue!” How did you come up with this crazy home remedy?

  24. SanFranon 18 Nov 2009 at 1:46 am

    Well, Listy.. I was a “cellar dweller” from 7th grade on, built a sweet-ass cave in the basement – a darkroom, there was a refrigerator, and like a fucking crazy cache of stolen signs from around town.

    Where was I… oh, right…

    I was big time into RC cars, and my cousin and I built from our own design a gas-powered RC swamp boat – it was an engineering marvel, and it actually worked, until it tipped over and sunk in the middle of the pond, leaving us with a shit load of model engine fuel…

    Anyhow, in the process of refueling this crazy contraption, we discovered that it evaporated crazy fast, and burned clear (unless the lights were out, you couldn’t see it)… and being I was a cellar dweller, all this stuff was readily at hand.

    Now you know.. the rest of the story.

  25. mikeon 18 Nov 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I was seriously eating a delicious bowl of raisin bran crunch when I came across this disgusting post. I couldn’t even read the whole thing, i had to click off.

  26. You Just Made My List!on 18 Nov 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I’m sorry Mike but they really needed a place on my list.

  27. jasonon 22 Nov 2009 at 10:59 am

    i’ll forego lunch today….and probably dinner.

  28. Great Oden's Ravenon 24 Nov 2009 at 3:42 pm

    You’ll all be happy to know that I tied a piece of floss around my boob tag and it died quite nicely. After 3 days, it was hard and I clipped it off with nail clippers and it didnt bleed at all! It was too big to do that in the first place. Now my fiance will have sex with me again. Oh Happy Day! Thank you listy for bringing this topic to light. I had never thought about removing it before I read this, and now I am FREEEEE! 😉

  29. You Just Made My List!on 24 Nov 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Great Oden’s – Wait, are you telling me that this crappy website actually HELPED someone? A single tear just fell from my eye. Thank You.

  30. chelsakinson 24 Nov 2009 at 8:06 pm

    listy is the absolute best !

  31. You Just Made My List!on 24 Nov 2009 at 8:38 pm

    Chelsakins – Awwwwww. I agree, I am great.