Nov 24 2009

Buying cool shirts at Hot Topic!

Published by at 3:15 am under Why?!?

hot topic band t-shirts

Yeah that’s right, while strolling through the mall I have not only stepped inside this douche hole, I have PURCHASED a T-shirt there! In fact, I have purchased 3 shirts from Hot Topic and the shame makes me want to set myself on fire.

Occasionally while stopped at red lights in the city I see older “dad” looking guys walking into what is clearly a handjob massage parlor and it is obvious how desperately they don’t want to be seen by anyone, even strangers. They walk quickly, keep their heads down and try to hide behind the collar of their golf jackets. They are willing to suffer through this awkward walk because they want that happy ending! This is exactly how I feel as I quickly duck into the mall’s most shameful teen asshole store. I try to make it look like I accidentally tripped and fell into the store or the wind pushed me in. I’m sorry but I want that God damn Judas Priest shirt, I want my happy ending!

It’s not my fault they have a handful of kickass shirts sprinkled among the other bullshit shitty shit they sell. The problem though is that when I wear one of my Hot Topic purchases I live in fear that someone will know where I got it. I remember seeing a guy wearing the same Johnny Cash T-shirt I purchased at the Topic and I thought “That guy is a dork, he shops at Hot Topic. Oh wait, so do I.” Must be the same when a guy walking into the massage parlor passes a customer on his way out. A simple nod is exchanged that says, “We failed.”

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14 comments so far

14 comments to “Buying cool shirts at Hot Topic!”

  1. 8bitheroon 24 Nov 2009 at 7:01 am

    I remember the day Joey ramone died.

    Every douche on MTV was wearing a Ramones shirt.

    When was the last time MTV gave a fuck about the Ramones?

    Yeah, all these emo teens wearing shirts from bands they have never actually listened to is retarded.

    It’s fun, though, to watch these fuckwits bitch about the “capitalist machine” while being mass consumers themselves.

  2. calebon 24 Nov 2009 at 9:01 am

    well said!

    I actually remember the “good” old days of the early 90’s when Hot Topic was a “cool” store. now they only have about five decent t-shirts in the whole place scattered amongst the psuedo-mod/ska/goth/emo/whatever the hell those baggy airliner-cargo s&m pants are shite.

    just give me my Smiths t-shirt and get me the hell out of that pit of despair.

  3. rachelon 24 Nov 2009 at 10:01 am

    i KNOW. ..but i really do love some of their crap. where else is a thirty-somthing mother of two supposed to buy strawberry shortcake shoelaces and Beatles car-freshener??…WHERE???….(sigh)

  4. Saraon 24 Nov 2009 at 12:04 pm

    When my son was a baby I got an awesome Appetite for destruction onesie there. When I was younger I always got my band t’s from shows or the back of Rolling Stone or Guitar World Magazine

  5. icecycle66on 24 Nov 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Those handjob massage parlors are like pot dealers. I have a feeling i have dealt with them before, but I just don’t know how to broach the subject of the special products that hide within.

    How do you find these places; walk up to someone who you hope is not a cop and ask “Where may I purchase a serving of marijuana?”, or “Which massage establishment in the walking vicinity presents the option of vigourously rubbing my penis until i ejaculate?”.

    I don’t get it.

    Also, i refuse to wear a shirt ofa band that i have not seen in person. sadly, I will probably never get to wear a Pink Floyd tshirt. I though hot topic was a girls clothing store.?

  6. Saraon 24 Nov 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Does seeing Roger Waters twice constitute my dark side of the moon beach towel?

  7. Saraon 24 Nov 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I was thinking about my cool beach towel the other day to, I was wondering if people who have to cover their beyond shitty car seats with a beach towel pick out the towel based on their personal design taste?

    Like some poor white trash is like ” I feel my kitty towel best represents ME and my toyota tercel.”

    I wouldnt give my pink floyd towel that kind of shody treatment but maybe my high life towel

  8. You Just Made My List!on 24 Nov 2009 at 3:34 pm

    Sara – Once no, but twice yes!

  9. chelsakinson 24 Nov 2009 at 8:41 pm

    yur a fucking genius ?

    has ranch sauce ever made your list?

  10. Jayon 25 Nov 2009 at 12:11 pm

    When I worked at a high school about three years ago, every girl on the cheerleader squad had a new Ramones shirt. I asked one of them what their favorite Ramones song was, and she looked at me and said “I didn’t know it was a band”.

    But buying your Replacements shirt at Hot Topic means the band will probably get paid their licensing fee, which is more than I can say for a lot of places that sell rock shirts. Plus Wax Trax and the Turntable are gone, where else are you going to go?

  11. You Just Made My List!on 25 Nov 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Jay – Yeah, that’s lame. I should have pointed out that a cool shirt is only cool if you actually know and like the band. KIDS TODAY!

  12. jayon 26 Nov 2009 at 9:59 pm

    im 42 and do go into Hot Topic.

    ive only owned ONE rock t-shirt in my life, a queensryche shirt in the early 90s before they became gay.

    so i dont go into that “pit of despair” (lol) for clothing. instead, i venture in once a year to find current goth, techno, or metal compilations like the Metropolis annual that have good songs you will never hear elsewhere.

    for that reason, and oh yea, a leather strap to use as a c*k ring.

    i wouldnt mind getting a Dio shirt sometime, though.

  13. stevenon 29 Nov 2009 at 10:46 am

    You’re ashamed for the wrong reason, you should be ashamed for buying a “band shirt” in the first place. Those are only acceptable if you’re under the age of 18 or if you’re actually on a concert of that band.
    For any grown-up man it’s just ridicolous. If i would want to know what music you’re listening to, I’d ask you.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 29 Nov 2009 at 11:40 am

    Steven – Maybe if you would ask me more about what music I listen to I wouldn’t have to wear band T-shirts. A relationship is a two-way street, it can’t always be take, take, take. I give and I give to you Steven but you treat me like I am invisible. Just once I would like you to ask me about MY day and MY taste in music. Just once!