Dec 04 2009

The insane food Americans eat!

Published by at 3:40 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

wendy's triple baconator

Much like the Terminator, you can be sure that after you eat Wendy’s “Baconator” it too will be back.

Do I really need to “conquer” my food? Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin may love to bring their food to its knees, but I just need something that will go down and come out the other end without trying to kill me in the process. Don’t get me wrong, I hate fussy food, but I also don’t need a fucking pizza on top of my pretzel. How in the hell am I supposed to walk around the mall and impress 18-year-old girls (or their moms) when I’m trying to balance a pizza on top of my God damn pretzel? I’m already carrying 4 bags from Hot Topic!

A Triple Baconator clocks in at:
1330 calories
86 grams of fat
780 calories coming from fat.

Let me put that into perspective for your fat ass… a Big Mac has 540 calories with 29 grams of fat and 260 calories from fat. In other words, a Triple Baconator is like eating 2.5 Big Macs. The recommended caloric intake for a 25 year old male who is 6 feet / 175 lbs is about 2500-2900 depending on how active they are. So let’s add medium fries and a large Coke to your Wendy’s order, please drive to the first window. Congratulations you just consumed 2020 calories and 106 grams of fat in ONE MEAL! I’m sweating just from the thought of it.

Your body literally does need to conquer that son-of-a-bitch!

If you can’t live without your precious Baconator, you might as well class it up a bit.

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21 comments so far

21 comments to “The insane food Americans eat!”

  1. kenon 04 Dec 2009 at 4:21 am

    I double dog dare you to have that Wendy’s combo with the fries and Coke. I’ll have an angioplasty standing by.

  2. 8bitheroon 04 Dec 2009 at 7:30 am

    I applaud the fast food resturaunts.

    People continue to blame them for being fat, yet these same people will continue to eat at them. These businesses realized that Americans have absolutely no convitctions. They may bitch and moan, but in the end they will have that Triple Whopper with cheese, super large fries, and megagulp soda.

    They know this.

    They also know that no matter what consumers say about the responsibility of these businesses is to their customers, at the end of the day it all boils down to personal responsibility.

    Sure, they could have had a cheaper, healthier home made dinner. They COULD have.

    But Americans are a lazy and stupid lot. Wendy’s, BK, and McDonalds know for a fact that IF they are ever sued in a court of law, they have this failproof defense:

    “We didn’t make you eat one single thing. You chose, by your own free will and conviction, to eat food that you knew for a fact was unhealthy for you. We are blameless. We NEVER forced your hand.”

    And that is true.

    So, I want them to make a burger that has so many calories and so much fat that it is prone to spontaneous combustion at any time. I want to see a food item that actually comes with an extra packet of lard. I want a snack so unholy that Satan himself would tremble in fear at the very mention of it.

    Do you know why?

    Here, in the great US of A, that shit would sell like gangbusters!

  3. calebon 04 Dec 2009 at 9:07 am

    it’s only a matter of time before fast-food places start having vomitoriums in them.

    that said, i’m a poor bachelor and i do admit to enjoying a Wendy’s Jr. bacon cheeseburger with a value sized fries once in a while. dinner for 2 dollars & change!

  4. calebon 04 Dec 2009 at 9:11 am

    correction – apparently i misused the word “vomitorium”. the ancient Romans DID sometimes puke during their food-orgies, but not in a designated place called a vomitorium. thank you, wikipedia.

  5. Saraon 04 Dec 2009 at 9:13 am

    When I saw the comercial for McDonalds McMuffins for $3 for 2 I figurued one would be around $1.50. No it was $2.88. The guys like just buy 2. I dont want to buy two, then I’ll eat two and my tummy will hurt. I went down the street and got a smoothie for $3 instead.

    NICE TRY RONALD.

    But they suckered in my two year old already. He can see those arches a mile away and just starts yelling “fries! Fries!” I have to change my usual routs to avoid passing McDonalds.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:37 am

    Ken – I while writing this I was trying to imagine actually trying to conquer the Triple Baconator and it literally made me feel sick. I love fat but if I’m going to eat a lot of it it’s going to come in the form of something better than Wendy’s, like a good BBQ meal.

    8bit – I agree, it’s not the restaurant’s fault. Americans are insane (see Sarah Palin).

    Caleb – I know, fast food is so cheap and it’s easy to end up there. I ate at Wendy’s this week. All in moderation though.

    Sara – I think it’s time to put that kid up for adoption. It’s his fault, don’t feel guilty. He’ll forgive you in 30 years or so.

  7. Patrickon 04 Dec 2009 at 11:06 am

    Awesome Review of the Baconator: http://thewvsr.com/baconator.htm

  8. CDBon 04 Dec 2009 at 11:16 am

    http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/ yummers!

  9. Saraon 04 Dec 2009 at 11:17 am

    You want a great website dedicated to the glory of “American Cuisine”
    http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

    I tried to take a picture of my deep fried peanut butter and jelly I got at the fair on, but it didnt work. 🙁

  10. Saraon 04 Dec 2009 at 11:18 am

    damn CDB beat me!!

    I’ve actualy made the meat loaf birthday cake.
    What?!? I dont like cake…I DO like meat!

  11. You Just Made My List!on 04 Dec 2009 at 11:22 am

    CDB & Sara – Thanks for the link, it was funny. Hey, what are you guys doing reading other blogs? Aren’t I enough for you people?!?

    Meatloaf birthday cake? Sign me up! I love anything that combines loaves of meat and cake.

  12. Xinaon 04 Dec 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Since I’m lucky enough to WORK in a fast food restaurant 5 days a week I have uttered the phrase, “Would you like to make your fries and drink large for ONLY 49 cents more?” The answer is yes, they all do. I’ve stopped eating fast food all together. I know what happens in the kitchen. Fat content is honestly the least of your worries. But if you must worry about it, why the fuck are you eating fast food in the first place? And trust me, the salads are no better for many reasons I won’t get into here.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 04 Dec 2009 at 4:46 pm

    Xina – Welcome back, where have you been?

  14. Xinaon 04 Dec 2009 at 6:38 pm

    I have a real job now. When I used to comment everyday I was unemployed. Now I read your posts a week at a time. I hate my life.

  15. CreatureofHabiton 07 Dec 2009 at 7:11 am

    Sorry 8bit, someone already beat you to it.

    http://www.heartattackgrill.com/

    Yes, it is a real place. Sigh.

  16. You Just Made My List!on 07 Dec 2009 at 10:05 am

    Creature – While I do love sexy nurses, that site made me feel a little sick. Honestly.

  17. T.J.on 07 Dec 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Does the Triple Baconator come with a coupon for a free ambulance ride after completion of the burger? Geez!

  18. You Just Made My List!on 07 Dec 2009 at 4:28 pm

    T.J. – It should be served in a casket.

  19. Scotton 03 Jan 2010 at 11:22 am

    Question: what does the triple baconator actually equate too?

    Answer: prepare for triple trips to the toilet, triple flushes during occupation, multiple triple wipes, triple trips to the convience store to purchase triple-ply toilet paper and triple air freshener bottles. Triple strength liquid plumbing would also be appropriate for the consumer and his toilet.

  20. Andy47on 21 Nov 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Honestly, I just finished a triple baconater with large fries, 20 oz Pepsi ,and a 32 oz Mellow Yellow. But im 14, so my metabolism is like through the roof.

  21. Andy47on 21 Nov 2011 at 7:09 pm

    And yes, I did need to take triple trips to the toilet and triple ply toilet paper, etc.