Dec 11 2009

SmartShopper Deluxe Grocery List Organizer!

Published by at 3:19 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

SmartShopper Deluxe Grocery List Organizer

It’s official, I relate to nothing. I am digging a hole in the dirt where I shall live until I die.

Have you ever written a grocery list and thought “This is just too quick and easy. There’s got to be a harder way.” You are in luck! The SmartShopper Deluxe Grocery List Organizer takes the convenience of quickly hand writing a list and turns it into an elaborate, complicated task.

With the SmartShopper, you just speak your list one item at a time into your magic list robot. After each item, simply wait 5 seconds for the robot to figure out what you have said. When the robot displays a list of the words you might have spoken, you scroll through the list and find the word you want. At this stage you can also remind yourself that you have a coupon for that item with the touch of several buttons. And just like that, after only 2 minutes you have one item on your grocery list! Pour yourself a glass of wine because your ass is going to be making that list for the next 45 minutes. It’s just that hard!

But wait, how will you remember this list while at the grocery store? Do you rip your robot off the wall and bring him? No, you big fucking idiot, all you do is hit ‘print’ and your robot will start pooping out your list in under 2 hours! Go watch a movie or paint the garage at this stage because your list robot likes to be alone as it slowly handcrafts each letter.

Hey, want to make the world implode? Just watch this clip of Rachel Ray and her audience of cackling morons have g-spot orgasms when the SmartShopper cures cancer. Oh wait, I meant to say when the SmartShopper recognizes the word “garlic.”

smartshopper rachel ray show

Watch the SmartShopper in action with a real life mom! If you need me I will be in my dirt hole.

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8 comments so far

8 comments to “SmartShopper Deluxe Grocery List Organizer!”

  1. AlexandraJadeon 11 Dec 2009 at 12:25 pm

    This makes me want to be sick Listy.

    Why are people so idiotic that they’ll waste copious amounts of money on shit they just don’t need?

  2. AlexandraJadeon 11 Dec 2009 at 12:30 pm

    Also, not that I want to give you a stress induced heart attack, but thought I should bring this to your attention:


  3. You Just Made My List!on 11 Dec 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Alexandra – Sorry to make you sick but you got me back with that link. That woman could probably use her vagina as a hand bag at this point. I hate that family so much.

  4. Paul in Saint Paulon 11 Dec 2009 at 10:08 pm

    This must be the official death knell of writing skills in American culture if we cannot make a fucking shopping list. How about a star by the items with coupons? Oh yeah, fuck coupons. I’d rather pay the extra 50 cents than deal more fucking paperwork than I’ve already got in my life. Just lower the damn price for a sale. But back to the Dumbshitshopper D-minus Food Item Machine… I’m thinking more of that movie Idiocracy and with greater appreciation.

  5. kenon 12 Dec 2009 at 9:18 pm


    You both just made MY list for making me aware that this baby-making machine Duggar woman even existed. I was blissfully unaware of her five minutes ago. Thanks A LOT!

  6. Monday Mentions : Daily Mish Mashon 14 Dec 2009 at 10:49 am

    […] words but he cracks me up regularly.  Maybe I was just in a giddy mood (due to lack of heat) but this post made me laugh until I […]

  7. John Won 16 Dec 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Oh, List Guy, the g-spot orgasm is a myth and you know it. Unfortunately, cackling morons are all too real…

  8. S-Mart Shopperon 21 Dec 2009 at 3:25 pm

    At first I was confused, now I’m offended that this fucking device is similiarly named after me!