Dec 30 2009

Almost sneezing!

Published by at 3:23 am under Why?!?

almost sneezing

Thanks for cock-blocking me Mother Nature, you bitch.

Can I just have one tiny bit of pleasure in life? Is it too much to ask? I didn’t start this sneeze, I didn’t ask for this sneeze, but for the love of all things holy can you just let me finish what YOU started? Not getting that sneeze out is like going to a Metallica concert and after the stadium lights go down the fucking Spin Doctors walk out on stage and start Two Prince-ing and Little Miss Can’t be Wrong-ing all over the place. Although, nowadays it might actually be like going to a Metallica concert and Metallica walks on stage.* Can someone awesome please just walk on stage and can I PLEASE just finish this goddamn sneeze!

In other disturbing sneezing news, did you realize there is a sexual fetish for sneezing? Seriously, click here, but be warned it is kind of like porn. Kind of.

*You see, Metallica are old now and no longer rock as they once did in their youth. Therefore, if today’s Metallica took the stage it might be a disappointment, much like not being able to sneeze.

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6 comments so far

6 comments to “Almost sneezing!”

  1. Saraon 30 Dec 2009 at 8:18 am

    try looking up at a light (the sun works best*) I duno it works for my brother and I. We would always sneeze when we walked out of the dark church on sundays into the bright noon sun…..although maybe we we’re just alergic to religion.

    There is a local creepy old man that blows pepper in the face of the teenage girls that bag his groceries to get off

    *disclaimer- Sara does not condone starring directly into the sun, Sara is not responsible for burnt retinas or blindness

  2. Paul in Saint Paulon 30 Dec 2009 at 9:22 am

    Did you pay to watch the fetish sneezing? That is a fantastic little market niche. I was even tempted by Laura Lynn’s Cute Tiny SneezesĀ®, but not for more than a dollar. I wonder how fetishists react to an almost-sneeze. There’s no money shot.

    Sara, that local creepy man deserves to be in some kind of Fetish Pantheon of Fame if his practices are not urban legend. How can a grocery store customer actually blow pepper into a bagger’s face?

    YJMML, maybe you can suggest Metallica change its musical genre. Metal indeed does not usually age well. I’m not hoping, however, that they start hitting up the American Songbook, Rod Stewart-style. I want him and his interpretations of Gershwin off the earth right now.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 30 Dec 2009 at 9:39 am

    Sara – I use the light method but it does not always work. This creepy old man sounds like a real winner. If you are a person who gets off on sneezing, I wonder if seeing someone sneeze in public would be like watching a live sex act.

    Paul – I did not pay but I do feel that I need to search out some free sneeze porn. In some ways I feel like it’s ridiculous how we break sex down to extreme niches, but on the other hand it kind of makes me happy. I think I might like that there are people in the world who just love a good sneeze or could get a boner from looking at a belly button. Why not, life is short.

    Rod Stewart really puled a fast one on he world with all those cover albums. He really figured out a way to make a shitload of money with no effort. I have a fetish for watching Rod Stewart fail.

  4. kenon 30 Dec 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Eeeew, I don’t know what’s weirder, that people actually get off on sneezes or that people will pay $5-7.99 for videos of it.

  5. Tony Jaguaron 01 Jan 2010 at 12:50 am

    Combine sneezing and snowballing, and we may have something. Burp

  6. jayon 07 Jan 2010 at 11:57 pm

    take heart, listy – metallica may suck but Alice in Chains is back – new CD, tour, everything, and they kick butt.