Jan 20 2010

The way I waste technology!

Published by at 3:33 am under Why?!?

how tall is seth green

On any given day I can be found employing some of the most powerful modern technology to do important things like look up who directed Meatballs 4 or find nude photos of Beverly D’Angelo. My friends and I zoom essential text messages like, “This hallway smells like farts” up into space, where some billion-dollar satellite that took decades to design safely delivers our fart-filled messages back to earth in literally seconds. I’m sure that was the dream of the geniuses who invented the microchip, the computer, the satellite, the cell phone, etc.

The iPhone is mostly to blame for my daily shedding of precious IQ points. If you ever make the mistake of pondering anything out loud, no matter how insignificant, in front of an iPhone owner, you can expect to have that question answered in a matter of seconds. What’s that you say? What was the name of the movie where Tom Cruise’s ex-wife gets her boobs massaged for an hour and a half? Let me check that for you… bleep bleep blorp beep bop boing… The answer is Mimi Rogers in Full Body Massage. Actually, that’s a bad example because any self-respecting straight man should know the answer to that. I should have said… What is Mimi Rogers bra size? (checking my iPhone) The Answer is 38D. Thanks technology!

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “The way I waste technology!”

  1. Bradon 20 Jan 2010 at 5:03 am

    Necessity is no longer the mother of invention. Marketing, research, and luxury are now the adoptive, neglectful parents of progress. Welcome to the new world where information and innovation are tools for commerce instead of improvement and advancement of the human race.
    I don’t know about you, but I feel great knowing that our generation is responsible for the most wasteful society the world has ever seen

  2. Jeffon 20 Jan 2010 at 6:03 am

    Ask it why the democrats lost what should have been a slam dunk in Massachusetts.

  3. Paul in Saint Paulon 20 Jan 2010 at 6:45 am

    I can’t believe Seth Green is so teeny!

    At work I use the iPhone constantly. I check the temperature before recess to see if hats and gloves are mandatory. I go to Amazon to check prices on books so I can show the kids how much money they owe me tomorrow if they don’t return my library book. And I read the better part of the newspaper during boring performances on field trips. It’s magic.

    But I still hold that twittering is for nimrods.

  4. Iron Fistson 20 Jan 2010 at 6:51 am

    I googled Mimi Rogers…. great cans!

    this means nothing to anyone, but I have to share, right now my boss is opposite me eating hs lunch, can you cram that beef baguette any further into your your fat fucking mouth???? Jesus you are like a cock starved nynpho!!!

    I guess he just made my list!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 20 Jan 2010 at 9:38 am

    Jeff – This is why people can’t stand Republicans. This 3rd grade, na na na boo boo attitude does nobody any good. That’s the problem with America right now, everything is us vs. them. It doesn’t matter if you are “us” or “them” because we are all getting screwed while our “leaders” argue back and forth like a bunch of children. In the meantime everyone suffers and nothing gets done. It’s shameful and embarrassing.

    Why even bring up politics? I know you are trying to bait me but honestly, I don’t care about the election in Massachusetts. I really don’t. As you know, I’ve had a really difficult year and it forced me to re-evaluate a lot of things in my life. One of the things I realized is that I don’t care about politics anymore because you really can’t change much with your vote. I’m focusing on other more important things.

  6. kenon 20 Jan 2010 at 11:01 am

    Amen on the politics, Listy, I’ve grown weary too. I do still love it when Colbert and Stewart have their ways with it though, that will never get old for me.

    The first Vacation movie has the definitive (and gratuitous) Beverly D’Angelo boob shot.

  7. kenon 20 Jan 2010 at 11:03 am

    Oh, and you know that the nerds who invented all this stuff were just trying to come up with better ways of discussing Star Trek and Doctor Who, so farts are totally acceptable to text about.

  8. Jeffon 20 Jan 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Ah see – politics are OK as long as it’s Colbert and Stewart making funny faces about Republicans. But when the tables are turned it’s suddenly ‘na na na boo boo’. Can’t have it both ways, partner.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 20 Jan 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Jeff – The difference is that you tune in specifically to those programs to see those political jabs, but trying to start something on an unrelated post here just seems silly. I should also add that I don’t watch the Daily Show or Colbert for the same reason I don’t watch Fox News. I’m tired of all the back and forth bullshit from both sides.

    Somehow I still manage to like you though Jeff.

  10. Jeffon 20 Jan 2010 at 11:52 pm

    Actually the snark was about getting a quick fact from your iPhone when there are probably 10 billion blog entries on said topic.

    Fine, we’ll stick to mammaries and body emissions in future…

  11. You Just Made My List!on 20 Jan 2010 at 11:55 pm

    Jeff – That’s all I ever asked for. Boobs and farts.

  12. kenon 21 Jan 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Jeff, you’ve never seen Stewart or Colbert have you????

  13. kenon 22 Jan 2010 at 1:01 am

    I meant to post this yesterday:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LkusicUL2s

    (Don’t worry, it’s a funny rant about technology)

  14. Biffon 27 Jan 2010 at 11:18 am

    Wait… you think your iPhone works off of a satellite?

  15. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jan 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Biff – Of course it does, and my TV is filled with tiny actors.