Feb 10 2010

Over the mantle flat screen TVs!

Published by at 3:31 am under I Don't Get It,Sucky TV

flat screen tv over the mantle

Hey thanks for inviting me over to stare at your ceiling for 4 hours! What’s that you say, you want to play Guitar Hero? Sure, let me just go ahead and lie on my back on your dirty floor so I can see the TV. Perfect.

You know, just because you see something on MTV’s Cribs doesn’t mean you have to try and recreate it in your Dorito-covered trailer. As a general rule, if you see some dumb rapper do something on Cribs it’s best to do the opposite. Sure, it might seem cool to have an actual panda bear as your butler, but after the money is gone who’s going to feed that thing? God, I would pay so much money to watch a hungry panda chase Lil Wayne around some shitty, beige, Atlanta McMansion. Lil would try to hide behind his pool table only to immediately regret buying the world’s only perfectly clear pool table made from Swarovski crystals. Go get your Wayne on, panda.

Sorry, I got distracted by that fantasy. When did placing your TV at eye level become the exception rather than the rule? Plus, I can think of no better place for your $1,500 TV than over your hot, dirty, smoke-barfing fireplace. I keep my computer in the oven.

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16 comments so far

16 comments to “Over the mantle flat screen TVs!”

  1. Camon 10 Feb 2010 at 6:54 am

    Exactly Listy!
    How does placing electronics over a source of heat make any sense? I’ll chalk this idea up to all the dumbass renovation shows on TV that promotes making your house uninhabitable yet “modern” and “trendy”. Have you ever gotten an email about how tacky houses and furnishings looked in the ‘70’s? Guess what? Everyone will be laughing at todays trends in a few years….”Espresso” furnishings and oh so wonderful IKEA kitsch, TVs over the fireplace. Lets not forget about making a bathroom the size of the living room and closets the size of bathrooms.
    Interior design TV shows are on my list.

  2. Edon 10 Feb 2010 at 7:54 am

    “In the oven?” Mmm, mm. Dinner is served.
    I think the TV in the crapper is another classic.
    Can’t miss a second of Idol while I’m relieving myself. Yeah, I pay extra for that DVR, so I could just rewind it, but I want to be current. Going backwards is for losers.
    In defense of some (my sister-in-law) who have a living room taking up with seats and kid’s stuff – and no place to put a TV stand and all the walls are taken up with doors of windows – sometimes it is the only wall surface left for a 42-incher. If you can get by having to drill into the brick.
    Also, all the appliance stores tell people to put them up that high for that genuine “theater” experience.

  3. kenon 10 Feb 2010 at 10:23 am

    I hate Lil Wayne too. When I heard he was going to prison, I was happy.

  4. SanFranon 10 Feb 2010 at 11:57 am

    Personally, having a TV anywhere in the living room is uncool. Granted, we have a TV in our living room, but it’s hidden in an armoire, because well, we live in San Francisco and couldn’t afford to buy a house with a dedicated media room.

    It saddens me that the TV set has basically become a family member.

    The Peter Mulvey lyric comes to mind:

    “A billion blue tubes light up a billion rooms”

    Sad, indeed.

  5. paton 10 Feb 2010 at 11:59 am

    I think the only way to watch a tv above a fireplace is to have sunglasses on the back of your head.

  6. SanFranon 10 Feb 2010 at 12:34 pm


    Oooooof. Wow. I’m speechless, which doesn’t happen often, trust me.

    Good, meaning bad, work.

  7. Tommyon 10 Feb 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Someone should regulate on these busters….i mean thanks for doing that for us lister you’re the best

  8. joe?!on 10 Feb 2010 at 2:18 pm

    nice, nice.

  9. Jacobon 10 Feb 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I hung my friend’s wall mount tv the other day. Was a vizio bundle… fucking nightmare!

  10. Jeffon 10 Feb 2010 at 7:11 pm

    LCD TVs are up high now to keep them away from kids cos greasy handprints never quite go away. Next.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 10 Feb 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Jeff – Nope.

  12. Paul in Saint Paulon 10 Feb 2010 at 8:33 pm

    But television IS family, SanFran. It’s helped heal many a wound inflicted by my “other” family.

    I have no problem placing the TV on the mantle, but my old model weighs about 1,500 lbs. and isn’t going anywhere unless someone else carries it away.

    Cam, I can only DREAM of having decor that will age as fantastically as wood panels and shag carpet.

    Also, to help make the Listman’s Li’l Wayne fantasy more concrete… Imagine if no passerby were on hand:


    Also, perhaps you might give Gu-Gu the panda good references for the position at Li’l Wayne’s crib. Make note that tools were required to pry Gu-Gu’s teeth out of the victim’s ligaments:


  13. You Just Made My List!on 10 Feb 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Nothing beats the image of a cute and cuddly panda on the attack!

  14. SanFranon 10 Feb 2010 at 10:10 pm

    baby Panda’s are bad-ass-motherfuckers, as seen here…


  15. Look at me ma, I’m on the TV!on 01 Apr 2011 at 7:47 am

    […] just say your hero and savior, Listy, will soon be on your stupid flat screen TV. Well not me personally, but You Just Made My List, as a concept, […]

  16. bigTopon 13 Jan 2012 at 12:52 pm

    @Paul in Saint Paul
    What kind is your old TV?? I’ve done home theater installs for almost 20yrs and have never come across a 1500lb TV.. The most I’ve seen were in the range of 500-600lbs(40″ tube TVs from Sony & Mitsubishi, or Sony’s 65″XBR from the late 90s)

    And, most houses I went into that wanted the TV above the fireplace, I’d try to talk out of. Most mantles are too high to begin with, but occasionaly, I’d run across one that was 3.5-4ft off the ground. Which would be ok to mount the TV over. Most of the problem comes from older houses where the fireplace was the center of attention in the family/living room. But now, with so many people hanging TVs, builders are starting to put fireplaces in the corner of the rooms, and leaving a big open wall for the TV system.
    Plus, they have cables that are rated for fireplaces..