Feb 26 2010

Metal detector enthusiasts!

Published by at 3:49 am under I Don't Get It

metal detector enthusiast

If I am ever this bored please kill me. Punch me in the face, take the metal detector out of my trembling hands, use it to find the nearest large metal item and kill me with it. The only problem with this plan is that it will most likely take you 10 years to find a metal “treasure” big enough to even slightly wound me. I don’t want to sit there for weeks while you try to kill me with someone’s lost earring. Fuck it, just kill me with the metal detector.

I know I shouldn’t care if this activity makes people happy, especially since it’s usually old guys, but it depresses me while I’m chugging my Corona and flexing my biceps for the young ladies who inevitably crowd around me at the beach. Do these dorks realize how hard it is to keep my pecs pumped while watching this sad display out of the corner of my eye? I’m trying to decide which girl gets to oil me up while Joe Treasure Hunter is collecting bottle caps. It’s very distracting.

THIS JUST IN… I love metal detector enthusiasts!

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9 comments so far

9 comments to “Metal detector enthusiasts!”

  1. SanFranon 26 Feb 2010 at 8:09 am

    My uncle is an avid metal detector guy – and he’s found some pretty amazing stuff, like a still-loaded COLT pistol from some notorious pirate (it’s engraved with his name) that ship-wrecked off Cape Cod hundreds of years ago.

    He’s hired by people to find their missing jewelry and shit like that.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 26 Feb 2010 at 8:32 am

    That would have been PERFECT to kill me with!

  3. joeon 26 Feb 2010 at 9:08 am

    at least it keeps me off the crack.

  4. mikeon 26 Feb 2010 at 10:44 am

    A metal detector guy once helped me find my hotel key, back when it was a big deal to lose a hotel key. total lifesaver. I have nothing against these ole timey men.

  5. Benon 26 Feb 2010 at 10:59 am

    go get about 50 metal washers from the hardware store. drop them just in front of the metal detector guy. Sit back and watch the hilarity.

  6. Tommyon 26 Feb 2010 at 12:49 pm

    i’d rather have a flame thrower

  7. Edon 27 Feb 2010 at 6:55 am

    THIS JUST IN-ME TOO! Wow. Awesome.

  8. Edon 27 Feb 2010 at 6:56 am

    THIS JUST IN- Outstanding. My metal detector is going off. Sorry.

  9. Jonathanon 01 Mar 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Ed: Don’t you mean a wood detector?