Mar 01 2010

Indiana!

Published by at 3:01 am under Why?!?

gary indiana welcomes you with their shit

The people of Gary welcome you. They welcome you with their Flaming Hot Cheeto-filled shit!

I fucking HATE Indiana. If you are from Indiana, I am sorry… I am sorry you are from Indiana!

Indiana’s official state motto is “The Crossroads of America.” In other words, “Nothing to see here, just keep on driving to your more awesome destination.” I am willing to declare that there is nothing worthwhile in the entire state. Not a single thing! I have never driven through Indiana without contemplating suicide the entire painful ride. The only thing that stops me from driving head-on into an oncoming 18-wheeler is the fear that my corpse would be fed to raccoons by the local authorities.

I guess if you like factories that look like they are from the dreams of a German child locked in an iron lung circa 1929, or endless cornfields broken up by shitty towns with the same 10 fast food chains, then Indiana is your kind of place. I know what you’re thinking, other states fit that description, but the difference is they ALSO have at least one reason to visit. Indiana is just unpleasant from border to border. It achieves a level of suckdom that no other state I have visited comes close to. Don’t try to tell me Indianapolis or the dunes are enough to save it. Indianapolis sucks gorilla scrotum and the dunes are surrounded by the rest of Indiana, so they lose too.

I hate Indiana.

Indiana is fucking boring

Gary Indiana, America's butthole

shitty Indiana factory

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40 comments so far

40 comments to “Indiana!”

  1. Andraon 01 Mar 2010 at 6:32 am

    I just love the fact that “poop” made it into the tags

  2. Edon 01 Mar 2010 at 8:24 am

    Ooo.
    You do know that Gary Indiana gave us MJ and the rest of the Jackson clan, right? You are going to catch high hell for this one.
    Gary also gave us “Hawk” from Spencer for hire.
    But the entire state?
    Bobby Knight?
    Hoosiers?
    Breaking Away?
    Breaking freakin’ Away!?!
    I don’t know if I can follow you into this dark place. You my have to pull this one off solo.

  3. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 8:48 am

    Ed – I don’t care if people hate me for this one, Indiana sucks and the world needs to know it.

    MJ might have come from Gary, but the Jacksons are long gone from that dump.

    Fuck Bobby Knight. He’s an obnoxious turd.

    Breaking Away rules, but it’s a product of Hollywood, not Indiana. Those people packed up and got the fuck back to California the second the shoot was over.

    I stand by my original statement, there is nothing good in Indiana.

  4. John Won 01 Mar 2010 at 9:51 am

    Looking forward to your entry on Michigan.

    That’s right…Michigan. Michigan knows what it did.

  5. Scotty Ton 01 Mar 2010 at 10:59 am

    bulls suck go pacers

  6. SanFranon 01 Mar 2010 at 12:25 pm

    I took a year off in ’99 to cruise around the country in my ’73 VW Thing… which had this gasoline-fired furnace for a heater…

    so, I’m driving across Indiana in this car that is missing a window (thanks to a collision with a deer in NY state) that also had a terminal velocity of about 55mph, and the impeller fan that sucks air into the furnace under the dashboard was sounding a bit odd…

    Now, I had rebuilt this heater – and knew exactly what was inside of that intake duct – yet the boredom and nonchromogenic landscape that was Indiana actually made my stick my fingers into the hole, four of them, in fact (insert a joke about your wife/girlfriend/mom here) and impale the spinning metal impeller.

    In a split second, half of each or four fingernails was folded back or peeled off, and the tips of my fingers were all cut up, bleeding like a mofo.

    Yes, Indiana drove me to nearly cut my fingers off. It was that bad, and to this day, I make a point to go around the state.

  7. Tinaon 01 Mar 2010 at 12:49 pm

    I always forget that Indiana is even a state.

  8. Jayon 01 Mar 2010 at 12:58 pm

    The Indiana Dunes were the only thing that made me visit the state while living in Chicago, but even that location is tainted by the excellent view of the power plants on the shore. I find Gary’s shittiness fascinating, I drove through it a couple of times just to witness the horror. It even smelled bad the last time I was there.

    Detroit is second on my list of Midwestern failures.

  9. Jonathanon 01 Mar 2010 at 2:44 pm

    I find it pretty hilarious that two sitcoms currently on the air take place in Indiana: “The Middle” and “Parks and Recreation.” Of course, none of the overpaid coke-fiend actors on either show would be caught dead in Indi-fucking-ana.

    PS: The History Channel show “Life After People” actually used Gary as an example of what a city would look like if humans disappeared!

  10. Christineon 01 Mar 2010 at 3:34 pm

    “I guess if you like factories that look like they are from the dreams of a German child locked in an iron lung circa 1929”

    I love you for this line, Listy. I went to grad school at Purdue, and I feel this quote sums up everything I hated about living in Indiana.

    The only thing Indiana has going for it is Steak n’ Shake.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Scotty – I will have to take your word for it.

    SanFran – Sounds less painful than actually living in Indiana.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Christine – Steak n’ Shake is great but luckily you don’t have to travel to Indiana to get it.

  13. nickion 01 Mar 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Bravo Listy, once again you have saved my shitty day! This has got to be one of your best posts yet. Factories from the dreams of a german child locked in an iron lung circa 1929.. I don’t know but I think this is probably one of the best, most fucked up, awesome descriptions I’ve ever heard in my life.
    Reminding me of cities named after guys, Gerald, Missouri sucks too. It’s super small but the suck factor is definitely concentrated, kinda like ALL small and mighty.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Nicki – Thanks. I agree, I am very great.

  15. icecycle66on 01 Mar 2010 at 7:33 pm

    This having to wait until I am home from work to check out the list pisses me off. Fuck Indiana. I am hate fille for the mid-west. It’s one big asscrack on the face of the earth. And I swear I live in the hole portion of the entire butt proceedings. Right in the middle of Fuck-My-Sister, Missouri.

    The show me state, bullshit. Show me the way to fucking Indiana if it gets me the hell out of here.

  16. icecycle66on 01 Mar 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Oh yeah, click my name.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 7:46 pm

    icecycle – I feel your pain but St. Louis isn’t too bad, right? It has one of the most awesomely bad wax museums I have ever seen. I’ve never been to Fuck-My-Sister though. It sounds fun!

  18. hodanon 01 Mar 2010 at 7:53 pm

    i have a friend who recently came back from Indianapolis and he absolutely hated the place. says it’s most boring ‘major’ city ever.

  19. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 8:01 pm

    hodan – Indianapolis is a worthless butthole. It has all the shitty parts of a big city without any of the good parts.

  20. Jayon 01 Mar 2010 at 8:30 pm

    The southern part of Indiana is actually quite pretty now that I think about it.

  21. You Just Made My List!on 01 Mar 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Jay – Stop thinking about it.

  22. hoosieron 02 Mar 2010 at 3:00 pm

    i feel sorry for all of you.
    at least it’s not kentucky.
    BAH HAHA. i love the midwest. and [bloomington] indiana is the shit.
    gary sucks. too bad you got stuck on that sad little city.

  23. CreatureofHabiton 03 Mar 2010 at 7:20 am

    I’d like to know why they have Southern accents in Indiana. Also – no teeth. Indiana: the South of the North. What a shithole.

    Indiana is #1 on my top ten places I’d never live. Nevada is #2. Florida? #3…. I could keep going…..

  24. joeon 03 Mar 2010 at 8:18 am

    you’ve never driven through kansas have you..its your first picture, just different shades of green and brown. the whole way.

  25. Billon 04 Jun 2010 at 8:53 am

    INDIANA DOES SUCK BIG DONKEY DICK AND ITS NOT GETTING BETTER!! FUCK INDIANA!!

  26. You Just Made My List!on 04 Jun 2010 at 9:02 am

    Bill – You are a wise man and I support your comment.

  27. Stefanieon 26 Jul 2010 at 7:20 pm

    I’m from Indiana. Kansas is way, way worse. There may be factories and farms here, but there is NOTHING in Kansas. Worst place in the country for sure.

    I also hate Florida.

  28. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jul 2010 at 8:00 am

    Stefanie – I’m sorry to hear you are from Indiana, I wish there was a way I could save you. I’m not a huge fan of Florida either but at least it has sun and the beach.

  29. Bobbyon 04 Sep 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I hate living in my suburban neighborhood. Indiana sucks!

    This afternoon is the only time I have to be busy this month, and out of all the 90 degree days we had in a row, today just had to break the combo and be 60. It’s fucking windy too, so my hair will get all fucked up. Of course, it’s going to be 90 again tomorrow because I’ll be stuck in the house doing work on the computer.

    Drivers are a joke. This morning I drove to the bank to cash a check, and on my way there this asshole pulled out in front of me and I had to dart into the other lane to avoid a head on collision!

    When I was driving back to my house, some jackass tried to pull into my lane without paying attention, and he almost sideswiped my Chevy Lumina.

    Around noon I decided to go on a bike ride to calm down. Big mistake. As I was peddling down the neighborhood, some dog starts chasing me. I looked around to see if anybody could help me, but there was nobody in sight. If I hadn’t sped off, that dog would have jumped up and mauled me!

    This has to be the shittiest day ever. I also forgot to mention that telemarketers won’t stop calling me. Fuck this bullshit.

  30. IhateEffexoron 28 Oct 2010 at 5:20 pm

    BloomingFART, SHITTYana is the crappiest place in the world… Overflowing with hillbillies, asshole cops, horny hoosiers, countrified zombies, and the KKK, Bloomington, Indiana is sure to contain all of Dante’s Inferno’s multitudes of the Circles of Hell. I died in Bloomington and now my ghost will haunt the town until the end of time.

  31. Wolf_22on 04 Jan 2012 at 8:42 pm

    There’s plenty of things in this that I agree with, especially the “factories comment.” One thing I have learned while living here is that it takes a kind of person to live in this state who can make big of the small things life offers. I know that most would probably rather kill themselves than live here and to that, all I can say is, “to each, their own.” Personally, I would never kill myself just because I live here. I mean, there’s so many more places out there that are far worse than Indiana.

    I always thought Ohio was “off.” Everyone I came into contact during a trip I took awhile back where I went through that state seemed weird. Maybe they despise Hoosiers? Maybe they didn’t like the way I looked or else, maybe they just have a different way about them… Hell, maybe I’m just paranoid (most likely, I am), but I always thought they had this kind of aura about them that just sent chills down the spine… It’s something about how they behave or “watch” you…

    Anyway, again, to each their own. I have my days where I hate Indiana, too. I’m so over it. Everyday, it’s the same thing over and over again. You have to drive a long way any which way you go just to feel like you’re somewhere else. This the biggest thing I hate about the damn place. There’s nothing that distinguishes it from anything…

    It’s just… There.

    I don’t mean to offend anyone with this comment, but most of the people who make the claim about hating Indiana are those who can’t entertain themselves without an iPhone, take every opportunity they have to not sit still, and drive 90+ mph wherever they go. You might hate Indiana, but I hate people like that… If they don’t like Indiana, I’m glad.

    That said, I guess it takes a person capable of living in “a different lane” to live here. But I do understand the complaints. Trust me, I totally understand the perspective…

  32. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jan 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Wolf – Yeah I guess Rwanda is worse than Indiana, so you have a point.

    Sent from my iPhone

  33. Ryanon 02 Feb 2012 at 12:35 pm

    FUCK INDIANA! As soon as we get our tax refund, we are leaving this abomination! No scenery! No culture! Stupid laws, and the people who enforce them ( police) are the most hypocritical, selfrighteous trash I have ever dealt with! I pray that if we get invaded that they place a nuke right in the heart of america’s crossroads and forever erase this wasteland. Indiana will be the LAST state to legalize marijuana even for MMJ, and the court system is a joke! Notre Dame may be a great school, but after students graduate, they generally get the hell out of here. I can’t wait to smell the fresh mountain air of Washington State, feel the love of amazing people, be surrounded by music, art, and freedom. North West Coast all the way!!
    Hey South Bend, Elkhart, Mishawaka, and Goshen! You can go FUCK YOURSELF! So long Suck town! Kiss my ass!!!! By the way officer sgt. ********** it wasn’t a dog. I found hour shitty house and took a shit on your driveway you fucking cock sucker!

  34. Fuck219on 05 Jun 2012 at 12:56 am

    4 fucking years of my life I can never have back. The girls are sheltered and stupid. The guys are moronic and stereotypical. The food is good food covered in several layers of grease so, you can feel the depression coursing through your veins. You like driving like a zombie, waiting for your death? You’d love it here. I was invited to go to Purdue University Calumet, to recieve a Purdue degree. Do I regret this waste of 4 years? Absolutely. I learned nothing NOTHING!
    This is where the world goes to die. I actually had a friend from Brazil visit for an exchange student program and he went home depressed and crying. He spent his college fund to go to Paris and London, so he could gain some semblance of culture from anywhere better than this shithole. No fucking joke.

  35. Fuck219on 05 Jun 2012 at 12:57 am

    And, oh! Rwanda has culture. Indiana, doesn’t. Unless you count racism and bigotry…

  36. flipon 04 Aug 2012 at 1:30 am

    Fuck219: You went to Purdue Calumet. That is practically a community college and NOTHING like Purdue. No shit you learned nothing.

  37. Oliviaon 01 Nov 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Good. One less elitist, smarmy asshole in this broken state. Go fuck yourself and live in another state that’s rampant with the exact same shit that Indiana has.

    Indiana does suck in terms of being ├╝ber-conservative, backward, full of ignorant assholes, lack of culture, and being economically depressed. Honestly though, what state doesn’t have at least some if not all of these problems?

    My biggest gripe about Indiana: there’s too many rednecks that drive diesel trucks that have fake nut sacks dangling off their trailer hitches. I have a feeling that this isn’t only an Indiana thing, though.

  38. Connieon 15 Jan 2014 at 11:16 pm

    I fucken hate IN too! Unfortunately, I grew up in northwest IN and wasted all of those years there. First of all, you went to Gary, which is the worst city in the entire state. Nobody goes to Gary, unless you are broke or insane. But, I have seen states and cities worse than Gary, IN. No joke. Jacksonville, FL is worse than Gary. Pine Hills, FL is worse than Gary. Homestead, FL is worse than Gary. Dolton, IL is worse than Gary. These are just a few examples. There are plenty more. It is hard to believe, but true. I lived in so many different states and I have to say they all SUCK in their own way. The only good thing about IN is that it is located within good driving distance to many other states. It really is a crossroad. And, the property taxes and cost of living is dirt cheap. It is the cheapest place I ever lived actually. Now, I live in the crooked state of IL, which sucks even worse than IN. I hate living here. My property taxes are insane, gas is too expensive, no jobs, ugly homes for sale, and greedy politicians. So many people are moving the hell out of here and going to IN, where they can actually afford a roof over their head. I actually considered going back because I would be saving so much money! But, I know my life will suck there, so I will be moving back to FL where my life will suck too, only in the heat instead of the cold. Good luck to you!

  39. You Just Made My List!on 17 Jan 2014 at 1:51 am

    I’ve only driven past Gary on my way to other more awesome places. Florida is the Indiana of the south. What a piece of shit that state is! It’s shaped like an old man’s dick for a reason. I spent the first 40 years of my life in Chicago so I know all about the problems with IL. Still love Chicago but I needed a change so I moved to motherfucking Hawaii. BOOYAH! Take that, everyone who says I live in my mom’s basement. They don;t even HAVE basements in Hawaii, ya jerk wads.

  40. kjoyon 22 Feb 2014 at 7:59 pm

    I hate indiana! Everything you said about it is true!!!! Saving up to get the hell out of here!!!! Tired of the bipolar weather, the pollution, no Sun! It’s the ugliest place that I have ever lived in!!!!!