Mar 10 2010

Men who marry pillows!

Published by at 3:10 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

man marries dakimakura pillow

Today is my birthday, so you are lucky I am even taking the time to write about this creepy bullshit.

Do you know what a “dakimakura” is? If you answered yes to this question and then looked across the room to see your pillow girlfriend sitting on the couch watching TV, I kindly ask you to drive to Home Depot, buy a chain saw and mutilate your entire crotch area. God damn it, I don’t want to live in a world where men marry pillows. Global warming can’t come fast enough.

Sure, I dated a few tube socks in high school, but I never took them to prom or bought them flowers. I may have made out with my pillow a few times in junior high while watching scrambled porn on channel 44, but that was just young love. It never went further then heavy petting and casual dating. To be honest, I had a fear of commitment back then. How could I be sure this was THE pillow I was meant to be with for the rest of my life? I was young and there were lots of linens out there to explore. OK if you want the truth, I had my heart broken by a pillow when I was 16 and I don’t really feel like talking about it!

My birthday is officially ruined.

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14 comments so far

14 comments to “Men who marry pillows!”

  1. Amy Louiseon 10 Mar 2010 at 7:02 am

    I was just sent your link today and I love it.

  2. Saraon 10 Mar 2010 at 7:27 am

    This is what happens in cultures where boys are favored children. The girls are shipped off to American Adoptions. where western men achieve hapiness in fulfilling there asian fetish and more asian men marrying the only alternative available.

    Wait this is Japanese not Chinese…..well they’re just weird anyway. I mean what the hell is up with this?

  3. Saraon 10 Mar 2010 at 7:31 am

    Oh and happy birthday, you share it with Osama Bin Ladin. no shit

    I’m going to a Dr Suess Bday party tonight, its going to be fantasmagorical!

  4. Peteon 10 Mar 2010 at 7:49 am

    Have a great b-day, my king!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 10 Mar 2010 at 8:27 am

    Amy – Welcome. Do people play Sun City now? I remember in the 80s a bunch of people telling me not to. Thanks for reading my awesome and always correct opinions.

    Sara – Thank you for a link to the sexiest video I have ever seen. Osama was born today? My Dad’s birthday is 9/11. Is there some sort of conspiracy going on here?

    Pete – I am placing my Ninja sword upon your shoulders as you kneel before me.

  6. Tommyon 10 Mar 2010 at 12:55 pm

    yjmml: you call your dong a ninja sword? happy birthday sorry it’s ruined

  7. John Won 10 Mar 2010 at 1:50 pm

    He’s so ronery.

  8. rachelon 10 Mar 2010 at 3:19 pm

    did you see the episode of 30 Rock with James Franco?

    — Happy Birthday, Asshole!

  9. You Just Made My List!on 10 Mar 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Yes, I saw that 30 Rock and yes, I’m an asshole.

  10. rachelon 10 Mar 2010 at 3:55 pm

    yeah…but you’re OUR asshole! xo

  11. You Just Made My List!on 10 Mar 2010 at 3:59 pm

    I’m crying tears of joy (from my asshole)

  12. Paul in Saint Paulon 10 Mar 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Ever since the brilliant James Franco-Tina Fey-Japanese Pillow three-way, I’ve been plagued by questions.

    Do these men dry hump the pillow, and if so, don’t they cum all over it? Wouldn’t the pillow’s pictorial orifice areas be all crusty with layers of dried jism? Is there a pillowcase that can be unzipped and washed? Isn’t unzipping a disturbing experience for the Japanese man, who is emotionally attached to the pillow?

    Are these Japanese men also the ones who become voluntary and unnecessary shut-ins in their twenties? There’s word for that too.

    Japan’s really cornering the world market on new male psychological phenomena.

    Happy Birthday!

    I’ll await your research results. Have them on my desk by Friday.

  13. Alessaon 10 Mar 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Huh. Reminds me of that one guy who married a video game character… God, the Japanese are so weird.

    Happy birthday, Listy.

  14. Poster ?! - WebGirlForum.comon 18 Mar 2010 at 9:50 am

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