Apr 05 2010

People who only sell mashed potatoes to believers! On Craigslist!

Published by at 3:13 am under Awesome!,I Don't Get It,Why?!?

mashed potatoes for sale on craig's list

Have you ever been an hour away from hosting a dinner party when you realize “Holy shit, I fucking forgot to make mashed fucking potatoes. MY PARTY IS RUINED!” Well idiot, next time that happens, just fire up the internet and hop over to Craigslist. POW, problem solved! And you thought Craigslist was only good for finding BBW prostitutes.

Over the weekend my girlfriend (yeah, I actually have a girlfriend, fuck you) found this post on Craigslist and it made me happier than the resurrection of magic Jesus. I could waste my breath pointing out all the things that make it insane, but why state the obvious. Instead I will show you the very real email exchange between me, as “Kenneth,” and the guy selling mashed potatoes. Again, these are real!

His original Craigslist post…

mashed potato/just heat and serve
IM IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING THIS FOR SOME FRIENDS HOUSE. THEY CALLED AND CANCLED AND WE ARE NOW GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH THEM. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT IT IN YOUR OVEN FOR 40 MIN AT 375 AND WA,LA. ITS REALLY GOOD. WE HAD IT FOR OUR FRIENDS THANKSGIVING AND THEY REQUESTED IT AGAIN. THATS HOW GOOD. IT WILL BE DECORATED WITH A COLORED EGG IN CENTER OF MASHED POTATO(E). PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL xxx-xxx-xxxx. ONLY THOSE WHO BELIVE NEED REPLY.” GOD BLESS “…………ALL.

My first email to him…

Hello. Are the Mashed Potatoes still available??? If so, how late can I pick them up? It’s going to be about a 25 minute drive for me, so I need to plan accordingly.

Also, is the colored egg optional? I’m worried that it will stain the surrounding mashed potatoes by the time I get them home.

– Kenneth O.

He replied…

no it will be fine its in a pie crust aluminum pan no worries. you can pick up any time just call before xxx-xxx-xxxx

I wrote back…

You caught me just in time, I was about to make some instant mashed Ps!

I guess if you say the egg situation is under control that’s good enough for me. About this aluminum pan though….. would I have to return it? If so, would mailing it be an option?

I want to also say I think it’s admirable that you are only giving these mashed potatoes to those of us who believe in the Lord! 🙂 I mean, do non-believers even deserve to eat (ha ha ha ha).

Thanks,
Kenneth

He said…

yes they can eat too, but with living in sin wont help them. ha ha ha. no you do not need to return the pan. enjoy, it will be a delite. someone on cl asked for the reciepe they got it.

A few hours later I wrote…

Darn it! I accidentally fell asleep on the floor (of all the crazy places) so I guess I blew my chance at eating delicious mashed potatoes tonight. I have that post-nap feeling, and to be honest, I don’t even know if I’m going to eat at all tonight. Will probably just watch some Raymond and hit the hay.

You can say that again about living in sin! HA!!!!!! LOL. I don’t mind if sinners eat, as long as it’s not MY mashed potatoes!

But seriously, since tomorrow is Easter I don’t think I can pick them up until Monday and I’m worried they will be A) already picked up by some other person or B) no longer edible. OH, and what about the EGG?!? Will it go bad before the MPs?

Okee dokee, I’m going to turn in early so I can be up early for mass tomorrow. PLEASE let me know about Monday, my mouth is already fantasizing about these darn potatoes!! HAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🙂

God bless on this joyous Easter,
Kenneth

To which he replied…

well if you really want them than i can bring it to you at around 12:30 tomorrow if you live around downers grove. call me and let me know or else im just going to bring it with me to my friends and make them eat it anyway. ha ha ha. xxx-xxx-xxxx before 10:00 please.

The next morning (Easter Sunday) I emailed…

Would you believe I actually had a dream about your mashed potatoes last night??? In this dream I met you in a parking lot to pick up the MPs but the problem was that, for some silly reason, I rode my bike. To further complicate things, you brought so many mashies that they filled a giant, dirty cardboard box. I was like “how am I supposed to carry all these mashed potatoes home on my bike?” Plus I was wondering what kind of a crazy person would put delicious mashed potatoes in a darn cardboard box!!!! I woke up about this time so sadly I will never know if I managed to get the box of MPs home. DREAMS!

I don’t think I can make 12:30 work today so I fear this is the end of the road for me and your mashed potatoes 🙁 I guess you will have to force-feed them to your crazy friends HAHAAAAHAHAHAHA! I hope they appreciate them, it doesn’t sound like they fully do. Thank you for offering to bring them to me, you are truly a kind Christian and the Lord will take special notice of you on you this day (even though Easter is his busy season – HAHAHAAAAAAAAA).

Maybe you could email me the recipe of the mashed potatoes and I can give ’em a shot?

Enjoy this blessed Easter Sunday – Praise him!
Kenneth

I have not heard back but I am hopeful “Kenneth” will soon have that delicious mashed potato recipe in his hands! You will be the first to know if/when the mashed potato believer writes again.

God bless you sinners.

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19 comments so far

19 comments to “People who only sell mashed potatoes to believers! On Craigslist!”

  1. Annaon 05 Apr 2010 at 7:00 am

    Nice. That bit about you having a girlfriend was hilarious!

  2. Jim Joneson 05 Apr 2010 at 7:04 am

    WTF!!!! Just put it in the fridge and save it for later or give the shit away to your friends!!!!

  3. 8bitheroon 05 Apr 2010 at 10:37 am

    I like how they didn’t know that viola is “wa,la”.

    I guess being a believer means other “education” is moot.

  4. FFAFon 05 Apr 2010 at 10:52 am

    Listy you’ve outdone yourself. I cannot explain how much I enjoyed this post.

  5. Jim Joneson 05 Apr 2010 at 11:01 am

    sinners beware the mashed potatoes

  6. SanFranon 05 Apr 2010 at 12:05 pm

    I love fucking with people like this, although it’s been a while…

    Last November, when we learned that my family was descending upon us for Christmas (which is a good thing), it was clear we were going to need something bigger than our two-seater to get everybody around… Turns out the minivan isn’t a popular item here in the Bay Area, and all of the rental units were spoken for.

    I turned to Craigslist.

    Turns out some kook just north of the city rents his Minivan… but only if you spend some time with him to discuss his decidedly narrow-lensed view of the world, and his cult-like church. The price was right, and because I actually enjoy scrapping with people like this, we considered it.

    I do think though my asking him what kind of minivan it was, was what turned things in a southwardly direction.

    He replied that it was a Mazda MVP.. and I said “huh, I’m surprised it’s not a Jesus Chrysler!”… I was so proud, and then he hung up on me!!!

    c’est la vie.

    Don’t believe me? Here’s his fucking website:
    http://www.missionsaintgermain.com/

  7. Jonathanon 05 Apr 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Mmm…mashed potatoes. This kind of reminds of the guys who string along Nigerian scammers. They sometimes trick the scammers into doing really stupid shit in the hopes that it’ll score them some money.

    SanFran: Wow – I knew Tito had a cult, but not Jermaine!

  8. You Just Made My List!on 05 Apr 2010 at 12:55 pm

    SanFran – Jesus fucking Chrysler!

    Jonathan – I’ve done that to a few Nigerian scammers too. It’s so incredibly fun. I think I scared the Mashed Potato guy away but I’m going to try to get that recipe!

  9. Jeffon 05 Apr 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Talk about an easy target!

    For your next trick, why don’t you prank call the Home Shopping Network?

  10. Ken(neth)on 06 Apr 2010 at 2:27 am

    Gee thanks Listy, now for my next prank, I’ll use your name. Giving us Kenneths out here a bad name.

  11. SuperSluton 06 Apr 2010 at 4:45 am

    You just made my night! Maybe even my whole fucking week. WA LA! Love you, Listy! And your chick, too! God Bless your little nasty souls!

  12. Amy Louiseon 06 Apr 2010 at 6:02 am

    “(even though Easter is his busy season – HAHAHAAAAAAAAA)” oh Listy this is why I read this! x

  13. You Just Made My List!on 06 Apr 2010 at 7:53 am

    Ken – Sorry. I should have used the name Jeff.

  14. Tommyon 06 Apr 2010 at 11:39 am

    perhaps your might enjoy: http://www.dontevenreply.com/
    also I know why he got scared off. You made a fatal mistake on the closing of your last letter. you wrote: “Praise him” and not “Praise Him”. every good christian knows that He must always be capitalized. We Shall Never Forget HIM

  15. You Just Made My List!on 06 Apr 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Tommy – Thanks, that is a good tip.

    FEAR NOT though, I have had more email exchanges with mashed potato man and I will be sharing them soon.

    Thanks for the link but please stop visiting websites not created by me.

  16. SanFranon 06 Apr 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Tommy, Fuck him, he, Him, He, HIM and HE…

    There, i… er, I said it.

  17. Tommyon 08 Apr 2010 at 2:46 pm

    SanFran: indeed

  18. Adion 09 Apr 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Somebody else already mentioned this but how the hell does someone spell voila as “wa la”? A turd floating in the gene pool.

  19. jennifuhon 28 Apr 2010 at 9:04 am

    I cannot believe the Crazy Christian Potato person is in Downers Grove! I wonder if it’s my neighbor. That would explain so much…