Apr 07 2010

Toyota Sienna’s “Dual View” entertainment center!

Published by at 3:30 am under Why?!?

Toyota Sienna Dula View TV

Thank God your shitty kids don’t have to suffer through watching the same program while you DRIVE TO FUCKING WAL-MART!

Are you kidding me with this? It’s not good enough to have a DVD player in your minivan, now you have to have a TV that allows each of your horrible brats to watch their own show? No wonder every kid walks around like they are King Awesome. When did the world start revolving around white, suburban toddlers?

You know what my parents would have said to me if I asked for TV in our car? They would have said “What the fuck are you talking about? It’s 1978.” I was lucky that our car had FM radio, not that I was ever allowed to control it.

When I was about 8 years old we drove 1200 miles (each way) to fucking Florida from fucking Illinois in a fucking station wagon. And guess what assholes, there were four adults so the THREE kids had the pleasure of riding in the back ALL THE FUCKING WAY TO FLORIDA AND BACK. You know what that station wagon didn’t have? A fucking seat in the back so we rode on a hard slab of asbestos filled plastic. Oh yeah, you can forget about that little fantasy of air conditioning too. You know what the craziest thing about that trip was? The fact that all four adults and all three kids fondly look back at that vacation as the best vacation ever.

It was a great trip because we shared the same experience and we were connected as a family. Sure, much of the trip involved the car being pulled over to occasionally beat the children but we were beaten as a family and that’s all that matters.

The more “entertainment” you cram down your kid’s throats the more bored they become. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve lying down on the back seat as we drove through the country, watching the night sky float past as the AM radio filled the car with static-y warmth. Perfection.

Ridiculous.

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27 comments so far

27 comments to “Toyota Sienna’s “Dual View” entertainment center!”

  1. Jeffon 07 Apr 2010 at 3:57 am

    Awww we finally see the softer, sentimental side of listy.

    I do concur, though – some of my happiest childhood memories involved vinyl seats heated to skin-searing temperatures by the Florida sun and trying to avoid suffocation in the back-back of our station wagon whilst driving through Georgia.

    Man that’s one big freakin state.

  2. Jim Joneson 07 Apr 2010 at 5:23 am

    Just think, what if the Griswold’s would have had all that crap? We would have had a shitty movie about a family vacation in which the children sit in the back watching shitty movies all the time instead of getting to see the worlds largest ball of twine!

  3. Jim Joneson 07 Apr 2010 at 5:24 am

    …Oh, yes! Love the dog pooping and Guy Fagetti!!!

  4. Fredon 07 Apr 2010 at 7:42 am

    I’ve turned many people on to this site. Many of whom are convinced that I am, in fact, Listy. I’ve had a difficult time convincing them otherwise. After reading about your Florida trip, I am not so sure anymore. You are either my spiritual soul-mate or a Tyler Durden-like figment of my imagination. People have seriously asked how we manage driving our kids around with no TV in the car.

  5. Kathyon 07 Apr 2010 at 7:47 am

    We would play the license plate game, which you CAN’T DO anymore since everyone has their useless personal viewpoint expressed on their license, along with silly pictures. Each state used to be unique in the color or design of the plate. No more. God forbid the police are on the lookout for a stolen car with Colorado tags, because no one knows what Colorado tags look like anymore, not even people who live in Colorado.

    Now the idiot female in the car ahead of me has to identify herself as a “Fxyldy” next to the butterfly on her plate. I wonder how many people agree with her lofty opinion of herself.

    Please, please do a post about this.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:01 am

    Jeff – I have feelings too.

    Jim – The family truckster would be RUINED!

    Fred – As David Scott Mustaine said in Megadeth “Hello me, it’s me again.” Man that guy is deep! Thanks for forcing people to love me and for making your kids live in the real world.

    Kathy – I was driving behind an older woman a couple years ago and her plate read “KY GAL.” I don’t think she realized the second meaning of her plate. I’m not a fan of vanity plates, except that one.

  7. Jim Joneson 07 Apr 2010 at 8:16 am

    What it comes down to is people are just lazy. The kids get rowdy and hopped up on sugar, hell just put on a movie to try and calm them down. If I got out of line my dad didn’t hesitate to pull the car over and whip my ass with his belt. A few times of that and you learn to sit back and enjoy the ride.

  8. Erinon 07 Apr 2010 at 9:18 am

    Wow…. Thank you for that! You just made my day, and brought back some memories from my childhood. I am happy someone else out there thinks that the world should not revolve around pleasing children. What happened to children trying to please their parents and learning discipline?

  9. Andraon 07 Apr 2010 at 9:33 am

    You are so right on with this one. I was raised by my Dad when I was a kid and he had a job that forced him to travel around the country. We drove anywhere, and everywhere together in a cramped Chevy Pickup truck, singing Crosby, Stills and Nash, The Beatles, Led Zepplin and anything else my Dad thought was good music. I totally credit my Dad with my superior music trivia knowledge, well, my Dad and not having a friggin TV in the truck.

  10. Saraon 07 Apr 2010 at 9:38 am

    maybe she was all to aware of her plate, maybe “lube fan” was taken already.
    “So your the ass man?”

    I realy enjoyed playing along to “what do you know” on NPR. My kid loves to listen to comedy CD’s. We play the clean ones like Gaffigan when he’s awake but break out the Hicks when he’s out. I realy don’t want my 3 year old to hear him relate an 18 year olds vagina to ” a paper cut with a cotten candy whisp”

  11. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:47 am

    Sara – My friend likes to play clean comedy CDs with her kids on road trips. Her kids also love Jim Gaffigan. I gave her the Paul F. Tompkins CD “Impersonal” and she said it’s a good one for the adults and kids. Only about 2 or 3 swears.

  12. Jonathanon 07 Apr 2010 at 10:43 am

    GOD FORBID you interact with your kids! Let’s just zombify them in front of glowing screens 24/7 so Mom and Dad can chat about whether to stop at Panera Bread or Cold Stone Creamery on the way back from seeing the latest Jennifer Garniston rom-com shitfest.

    I also think vanity plates are lame, except for the geniuses who do things like “2GRLS1CP,” and “TIMMMAY” on a handicap plate.

  13. Saraon 07 Apr 2010 at 10:47 am

    awesome thanks, we’re always looking for new comics. Mike Birbiglia is a good one to.

  14. Perryon 07 Apr 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Listy, you’ve done it again. What an awesome post.

    Hit the nail on the head right here…

    “The more “entertainment” you cram down your kid’s throats the more bored they become. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve lying down on the back seat as we drove through the country, watching the night sky float past as the AM radio filled the car with static-y warmth. Perfection.”

    Bravo!

  15. Tommyon 07 Apr 2010 at 12:46 pm

    HA!
    When I was your age sonny we had to get out and push the model t whilst granny played the banjo.

  16. Jayon 07 Apr 2010 at 1:44 pm

    I have fond memories of station wagons and long drives to Florida too. How does a family play I spy and sing songs together with two videos showing in the back seat? Great post.

  17. laura marieon 07 Apr 2010 at 7:22 pm

    I just laughed so hard at this. It may be because I’ve been sitting in a dark focus group viewing room all day or it may be because that was hilarious.
    thank you.

  18. You Just Made My List!on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Laura – I am very great.

  19. Stephon 07 Apr 2010 at 11:19 pm

    I love your sensitive side, Listy. I remember our Florida trips with an ass beating about every 30 miles. By the way, I had my first kiss at 6 years old, in a van, on the way to Disney World with four adults,and my damn brother, and my “boyfriend”. I will never forget that awesome trip. Thanks for making me remember the good times.

  20. You Just Made My List!on 08 Apr 2010 at 8:03 am

    Steph – I see your fetish for car “affection” started at an early stage.

  21. Vickyon 09 Apr 2010 at 4:43 pm

    ha ha…funny post, we had to drive every summer from Santa Maria, California to freakin El Paso, Texas and me and my pain in the ass little sister got the back of the station wagon too!. No back seat either but my dad threw a 2 x 4 and put a towel on it, that was our seat, God forbid if he had to break fast cause our asses were falling, no seat belts, no back rest, just the wood….

  22. Adion 09 Apr 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Who the hell needs to watch TV while they’re in the car? And it’s not like the kids pay for any of this shit themselves. If they want a TV in their car then let them get a job. There are lots of jobs kids are good at, mining coal, working in textile mills, sweeping chimneys, etc. We used to drive from NY to Florida every summer and i had to sit in the back of my dad’s 911, and it was still fun. Hell it was more fun than riding on an international flight and having to watch shitty movies and have some kid (who apparently isn’t entertained enough by his move screen) kick the back of my seat. I’m glad i stumbled on this webpage.

  23. eddkatzon 12 Apr 2010 at 10:42 pm

    You know?

    You can claim that you were poisoned, mentally and physically by all those hours riding on that asbestos.

    Mesothelioma?

    If you find a good lawyer?

    You can sue your parents, the car company and the people who made the asbestos!

    Rock on!

    ———

    FM radio!?!?!?!?!

    I remember 4 TRACK tape decks. Check it out! And you are correct about having no music programming rights on long trips….bastards!

  24. eddkatzon 12 Apr 2010 at 10:49 pm

    OHOHOH!!!!!

    I forgot about the ass beatings! Thanks Steph!

    My mom was 4 foot 11. She would take off her shoe,
    Take her right foot, place it on the glove box, straighten out and stretch the up and over the seat to thrash the living shit out of you…

    And why were we so effing stupid no to listen to those famous words?

    “Stop playing with the seat?”

    You know..shoving your foot under the seat and tickling you mom’s ass until she threw down on your sorry being.

    I could see her frustation now. Dad tickled her rear and that was 6 kids ago.

    No need to remind her of the “Good Times” – you and your sibs ruined if for her and your dad!

  25. Suzyon 28 Nov 2010 at 11:58 pm

    I think you are getting mad about this for no reason it’s a cool invention and you may as well be able to watch movies in the car on a long drive. I do not have a tv in my car or at home, I’m nit just defending myself.

  26. You Just Made My List!on 29 Nov 2010 at 8:35 am

    Suzy – I, on the other hand, still think it’s lame. I am also right.

  27. Canaduckon 02 Dec 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Not much more than 100 years ago, kids were basically thought of as miniature, less useful adults who should suck it up and deal with the fact that they weren’t old enough for most of the world yet. Then–and I think this part is good–we started to slowly recognize that children actually are different than adults, and that they have specific needs. At some point during the last century, though, things went from “hey, children should get education and toys, and they shouldn’t be forced to work, but we’re the ones who run the world” to “children are magical, innocent snowflakes and my child specifically is the centre of the universe, and I’m going to make sure that she grows up knowing that.” Anyway, the point of this long, stupid post is that these ridiculous double TV things are just another result of this weird-ass evolution in our treatment of children.