Apr 14 2010
I share my toys and I also share signs my parents make me hold.
I’m writing this on my brand new computer! When a friend brought “Kidical Mass” to my attention this morning I was so filled with rage I literally ate my old computer. Yeah, I ATE a 27″ iMac!
I realize I just wrote about bike hipsters a couple days ago and have already taken a shit on “Critical Mass” but this is child abuse and it must be stopped. These poor kids are being turned into bearded hipsters and Bon Iver fans without their knowledge. It reminds me of the children of KKK members. Yeah, that’s right, Kidical Mass is exactly the same as the Ku Klux Klan!
Apparently this nonsense is designed to raise awareness about bike safety or something. Here’s an idea, keep your kids OUT OF THE ROAD! The road is for cars, not toddlers with poopies in their pants, struggling to stay upright on a SpongeBob bike. The last thing I need is some mini-hipster scratching my SUV when I’m trying to watch YouTube on my iPhone while driving.
Here’s the deal… If this is just supposed to be some fun family activity don’t name it after such a jackass event. Call it “Family Fun Bike Time Festival of Fun and Bikes!” Everyone (yes EVERYONE) hates Critical Mass except the hipster douchebags who participate in it, so associating your kid with such a bunch of misguided bullshit is lame. Just stay home and listen to Neutral Milk Hotel* as a family.
I will sit back and await my Nobel Peace Prize.
*For the record, I love Neutral Milk Hotel
You might also hate...
23 comments to “Kidical Mass!”