Apr 19 2010

KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich! (and the fact that I can’t remember how to spell ‘sandwich’ correctly, EVER!)

Published by at 3:24 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

kentucky fried chicken double down sandwich

I quit.

When you “double down” in the game of blackjack you are essentially doubling your risk with the hopes of doubling your reward.* When you force Kentucky Fried Chicken’s latest crime against humanity, the Double Down sandwich, down your gaping maw you are doubling your toilet’s reward.

Is it possible KFC is playing an elaborate, multimillion dollar prank on the world? Is this one of Andy Samberg’s HILARIOUS Digital Shorts? Even Kentucky Fried Chicken needs to convince themselves this monstrosity is not just a bad dream. The first sentence out of their greasy mouths on the official Double Down page is “The new KFC Double Down sandwich is real!” Even they can’t believe how fucking disgusting people are. I would not be surprised if they started pushing the limits even further just to see what they can get away with. Chicken fat shakes? Napkins made out of chicken skin? Perhaps they can bypass the whole eating thing and just force grease up your ass with a giant hose.

The thing I love about how uneducated we** are about food is that I actually found a few girlie “diet” websites taking about what a great diet sandwich this will be because it doesn’t have bread, A.K.A. carbs. Do I even need to waste my time dissecting this theory? TWO SLABS OF FRIED CHICKEN, TWO STRIPS OF BACON, TWO MELTED SLICES OF CHEESE AND THE “COLONEL’S SAUCE!” I’m going to get into those skinny jeans by June!

I’m exhausted just from looking at the photo of this piece of shit.

*Shut up, I realize this is not technically correct but I’m not writing a Guide to Blackjack here!

** Not me, I’m a genius.

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “KFC’s “Double Down” sandwich! (and the fact that I can’t remember how to spell ‘sandwich’ correctly, EVER!)”

  1. Jim Joneson 19 Apr 2010 at 6:53 am

    all this means is that fat fucks will only have to make one stop instead of two for fried chicken.

  2. icecycle66on 19 Apr 2010 at 7:06 am

    It tastes like a salt lick.

    Other than sodium content it is better than the Whopper and comparable to a McD’s quarter pounder in health content.

    Though that is no excuse for acting like taco bell and simply reorganizing menu item ingredients in effort to make a new pile of unhealthy food product.

  3. Peteon 19 Apr 2010 at 7:26 am

    You’d think people would get tired of wiping their asses.

  4. Tommyon 19 Apr 2010 at 11:54 am

    Skinny jeans by june! You crack me up this morning

  5. SanFranon 19 Apr 2010 at 2:08 pm

    I would not have my mouth raped by this afterbirth of a sandwich.

    So this is why fast food restaurants have double doors… I get it now.

  6. Adion 19 Apr 2010 at 6:30 pm

    It’s not like KFC’s clientele cares about human dignity anyway, they might as well just put all that shit in a blender and give people face bags like horses. I mean fuck, they popularized eating out of a paper bucket,what was the next logical step? Ironically this might get a few people into their skinny jeans, just looking at that… thing makes me hate the thought of eating.

  7. Adion 19 Apr 2010 at 7:10 pm

    PS they don’t really call it “the colonel’s sauce” do they? Jesus, it just got chilly in here.

  8. Perryon 20 Apr 2010 at 12:41 am

    Adi, I know what you mean…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DNGPEcP6xc

  9. Adion 20 Apr 2010 at 1:32 am

    Holy shit!!! Reality is becoming indistinguishable from the Onion!

  10. You Just Made My List!on 20 Apr 2010 at 8:15 am

    The world is pretty much ending. I’m giving us until about 2016.

  11. pigdooron 20 Apr 2010 at 10:44 am

    it looks pretty damn delicious to me. cant wait to try one.

  12. J Dubon 22 Apr 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Listy, I love you so much.

    For real.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 22 Apr 2010 at 9:19 pm

    J to the Dub – I feel as though it is I who is falling in love with you. There, I said it.

  14. Saraon 26 Apr 2010 at 9:33 am

    somehow this http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1c0r3l9QW1qzvnxpo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1272378731&Signature=nTzVdC6kzLZccPfJqir%2BhI39tS4%3D

    seems more logical to me

  15. You Just Made My List!on 26 Apr 2010 at 9:41 am

    Sara – You owe me a new keyboard, this one is now covered in barf.

  16. Saraon 06 May 2010 at 1:28 pm

    the facination over took me and I found myself in the driver thru.
    1. its huge, I thought it was going to be like two $1 chicken sandwich size patties. Its like two HUGE patties.
    2. The bacon is total overkill I think its put there to make it seems more like a “sandwich” then just “two pieces of fried chicken WITH cheese on it!”

    I took two bites of it sandwich style and felt overwealming shame. I had bought a biscuit JIC and took off a 1/2 of a patty and made a sandwich, the rest is still in the box.

    I now believe I am going to have a stroke.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 06 May 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Sara – I hope your will is in order.

  18. chelseaon 26 Oct 2010 at 4:54 pm

    If they were to have put that sandwich between a bun it would just be a double chicken sandwich and people wouldn’t make such a huge deal.
    Take away the buns and now they can get away with charging like double the price.

    I’ll stick to my cucumber sammiches and veggie burgers tyvm.

    My boyfriend eats pretty much nothing but fast food and he won’t even touch this thing.