Apr 21 2010

The music played at my gym, especially “Marco Polo” by Bow Wow featuring Soulja Boy!!!!!!!!!

Published by at 3:52 am under Crappy Music

bow wow marco polo

You hear that sound? That’s the sound of me sawing my own ears off with a steak knife.

Apparently the douchebags from Jersey Shore are programming the music in my gym now. I already despise working out but the constant assault of drum machines, auto-tuned vocals and the explanation of one’s monetary worth has taken my hatred of the gym to a new level. Look, I just want to blast my triceps in peace, if I wanted to see a bunch of guys holding their dicks I would go into the locker room. By the way, why do the guys with the worst bodies spend the most time walking around nude in the locker room?

Maybe I’m getting old (and whiter) but I literally can’t comprehend that this is considered music. And congrats on fitting every rap video stereotype, with the exception of jizzing Champagne on some fat asses, into this 4:57 torture video. Can someone buy these rappers a fucking tripod, I’m tired of watching them rap at me from the perspective of an ant.

I sound like Wilford Brimley and I think I like it.

Be Sociable, Share!

15 comments so far

15 comments to “The music played at my gym, especially “Marco Polo” by Bow Wow featuring Soulja Boy!!!!!!!!!”

  1. Kathyon 21 Apr 2010 at 6:43 am

    Thanks a lot. Clicking on that video made me throw up my happy Honey Nut Cheerios. Now I can never read your posts in the morning again. I’ll have to wait until bedtime, when I have digested. No, that won’t work either. You’ll give me nightmares. During the day? No, then I’ll be too angry to do any of the work that I receive such rich financial compensation for. I’ll have to wait for that narrow window of opportunity on Saturday afternoon at 1:37 when I have no critical decisions to make.

  2. billmigukon 21 Apr 2010 at 7:21 am

    Word, G!!

  3. Peteon 21 Apr 2010 at 7:55 am

    You’re not wrong; rap isn’t true music in my book. Indeed, a local rap ‘artist’ in my town flat-out said during an interview that it’s common practice to tape songs right off the radio and rap over them to create ‘mixtapes,’ which they then pass off as their own product.

    I also work part-time at a concert venue at night. Hiphop shows are always funny (not in a good way) because there aren’t any real instruments onstage–no guitar, drums, etc. Nowadays it’s not even a turntable. It’s usually just a mac with an ipod, and they cue tracks and rap over them like monkey clowns. And where a dinosaur prog rock band of sublime musicians might play a three hour show, most rap acts only give an hour. Tops. Which I suppose is consistent with the overall appearance of their ‘lazy’ lifestyle (eg, baggy pants, mumbling words, etc).

  4. rachelon 21 Apr 2010 at 7:56 am

    don’t you wear an ipod?

    ps sorry to kill any dreams guys.. the *unattractive* ladies are the ones that walk around naked in the women’s locker room…

  5. You Just Made My List!on 21 Apr 2010 at 8:38 am

    Rachel – An iPod just gets in the way of my incredible, Hulk-like workout. Plus I would have to crank it too loud to drown out the crap.

    I like naked ladies.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 21 Apr 2010 at 8:41 am

    I should also mention that this is not a racial thing and I don’t hate all rap. In fact, I LOVE and own a ton of hip hop from the late 80s through the mid 90s. Hip hop in that era was incredibly creative and musical, but like most art forms that gain popularity, it has been watered down and turned into a parody of itself.

  7. Tommyon 21 Apr 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I think we can all agree that 99% of mainstream hip hop is total garbage.

  8. Saraon 21 Apr 2010 at 3:11 pm

    I swore you already bitched about this….maybe it was Andy Rooney

  9. Adion 22 Apr 2010 at 1:52 am

    Lemme akks you a quession, what’s yo beef list-dawg? Is you not down wif deez beats?

    In all seriousness though, that shit would grind on me in a hurry too. When i lived in Texas they did the same thing, except with country.

  10. Jonathanon 22 Apr 2010 at 11:13 am

    At my gym, the Muzak plays shitty dance remixes of already-shitty songs by Shakira, Lady Gaga and Beyonce, plus a fuckton of shit rap like this stuff. With that crap, the meatheads grunting and dropping weights, and the spandex dingbats texting on the treadmill, I hate the gym. I just turn up Car Talk on my iPod and exercise my slow- and fast-twitch muscle fibers.

  11. Dub P.on 22 Apr 2010 at 2:39 pm

    So they jump in with snorkeling goggles on? Whatever. Everyone knows black people are afraid of water.

  12. Lushison 26 Apr 2010 at 8:34 am

    Ok so what about this “hipster” image that miracle whip is trying to foist upon the public? To call it ironic would be a stretch, but nothing is sacred now days…

  13. You Just Made My List!on 26 Apr 2010 at 8:58 am

    Lushis – I’m on it… http://www.youjustmademylist.com/?p=2178

  14. eddkatzon 16 May 2010 at 1:43 am

    Ah, fuck me to tears….

    We have ‘ice cream trucks’ here in So Cal.

    Those are the fucking eggheads with the 3,000 milla-mega watt stereos with the bass so loud it sounds like an earthquake as they approach.

    And to make it worse? There is a stoplight at the corner that hangs the drivers out to dry for about two minutes.

    I used to love Talking Heads/Tom Tom Club, but when I heard “Genius of Love” being blasted out the back of a lowrider at 120 decibels?

    no thanks.

  15. Erikon 09 Dec 2012 at 12:29 am

    I found this about 2.5 years late, but amen, amen. I definitely could have not said it better myself. Thank you for putting all of the hatred I have for rap/hiphop into one very well worded post. I laughed my head off. And I also hate how I have to crank up my iPod at the gym to drown out this trash, thus worsening my already damaged hearing.