May 07 2010

Oxygen bars!

Published by at 3:30 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

Breathe oxygen bar Las Vegas

How is this real?

Writing about getting your fat ass massaged at the mall reminded me of another utterly useless form of relaxation. I am of course speaking of reading a good book on the beach. Oh, and also oxygen bars!

If the sky was made of free beer would you still bother going to a bar to BUY beer? (And with that sentence, I complete my journey to becoming the world’s bestest thinker. Me smart!)

Do you realize these idiots are paying over a dollar a minute to breathe flavored air? Suck that concept up your nose holes and try to understand it. Oh, but it must be special oxygen because look at all those colorful beakers of bubbling potions! If it looks like science from the classic 60s Batman TV show it must be good!

The meaningless fun does not end there. If you are feeling a little frisky you can have one of the bartenders(?) mash a piece of hard plastic into your spine or dig out your brain with a German mind-scraper used in the late 17th century to extract homosexual fantasies and other demonic thoughts from your skull.

I quit.

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Oxygen bars!”

  1. pigdooron 07 May 2010 at 3:38 am

    OXYGEN BARS!!?? are you serious?? oh man, cant wait to try one.

  2. Jim Joneson 07 May 2010 at 5:16 am

    Did you notice the tip jar? Somebody put $10 in there, WTF?!?!?!?!?

  3. Kathyon 07 May 2010 at 7:27 am

    Please tell me that those are only in California.
    Please tell me that the rest of the country has a few more brain cells.
    But it really is like the idiocy of buying expensive little bottles of… TAP WATER …instead of drinking the water from your damn faucet.
    http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/07/27/pepsico.aquafina.reut/

  4. Peteon 07 May 2010 at 7:28 am

    And I suppose you’re not allowed to smoke in oxygen bars, eh? That’s twice less fun. I hope a meteor hits the Earth.

  5. Saraon 07 May 2010 at 7:42 am

    Jim: I know! This stuff fucks you up so much you tip large bills and believe that playstation controller is a massager

  6. billmigukon 07 May 2010 at 9:37 am

    These were a fad 10 or 12 years ago…even Cleveland had one! Why is this just now on your radar? Are they even still around?

  7. You Just Made My List!on 07 May 2010 at 9:42 am

    Jim – The tip jar is a nice little scam. Every photo I found of this place (Breathe in Las Vegas) the tip jar was filled with fives and tens. I’m sure the employees put those there to guilt you into tipping the same. Any singles are promptly removed.

    Kathy – Shit, I was going to mention bottled water in this rant. I should try harder.

    Billmiguk – This one is in Vegas. Plenty of dolts eager to lose money in that city.

  8. Rebeccaon 07 May 2010 at 10:23 am

    Is this the same obnoxious couple as the one in the massage chairs at the mall? Do they just move through life stumbling from one jackass activity to the next, making total spectacles of themselves?

    Oh wait, these two couples don’t really look alike, except for the fact that they all look like total douchebags.

    Suck it [the pay oxygen], jerkfaces!

  9. SanFranon 07 May 2010 at 11:16 am

    This reminds me of two things:

    1) My entrepreneurial spirit was clearly starting to percolate in college, when, at parties, I would pick up discarded balloons, and covertly blow them up about half-way, and then, acting completely like, totally fucked up, sell them for “half price” to unsuspecting underclassmen, who were truly fucked up. You see, this is when Nitrous was popular at parties – and for five bucks you could get yourself a balloon-ful of the stuff, or, for 2 or 3 dollars, a half a balloon-ful of my cigar-stained breath. I usually made 30 or 40 bucks at any given party, which was some serious coin back then.

    2) Somehow, I found myself at the Viper Room in LA (Johnny Depp’s place, where River Phoenix O.D’d from my breath balloons) about 11 years ago. Anyhow, everybody was doing Oxygen Shots, for like 30 bucks. Screw that shit. I can understand the desire for some clean air in LA, but give me a fucking break. The girl I was with, an actress from the show JAG, tried to buy me one – and couldn’t understand the absurdity of the situation, so I sat there drinking my 14.00 Ice & Tonic, er I mean Gin & Tonic. Avoid Oxygen bars.

  10. Kathyon 07 May 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Listy, no problem. Do the bottled water in your next rant and I can tell everyone I am your inspiration, right?

  11. hodanon 09 May 2010 at 5:23 pm

    doesn’t oxygen get you high? or have i watched fight club a little too often.

  12. Peteon 10 May 2010 at 7:29 am

    I don’t know about that, Rebecca. I’d take that chick for a spin.

  13. Adion 10 May 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Technically what you’re breathing in every day is mostly nitrogen, and around a fifth to a quarter of oxygen. Breathing in pure oxygen creates a euphoric effect. That said, if i’m going to get fucked up i don’t want to look like an octogenarian hospital patient. I kind of think that if you’re sucker enough to pay to huff oxygen, then you deserve to get ripped off. Douchebags deserve to be fleeced.

  14. I'm so meon 29 Jul 2011 at 10:16 am

    Seriously, Oxygen is not air.

    Oxygen bars are the kind of thing people can try once for the experience. If you’re doing it on a regular basis you’re a dope. I agree, I’d rather pay a lot less and look a lot cooler getting high 🙂

    Love the idea of beer falling from the sky! That’s a keeper!

  15. Connoron 16 Jan 2012 at 7:46 pm

    I love the new seats and they acualy are pretty awesome and a great idea. if ur like me and dont like waking up sick u should buy one cause I bought a ton.