May 23 2010


Published by at 11:30 pm under Sucky TV

lost series finale secrets

Spoiler alert… Lost can suck my dick!

I just wasted six years of my life on smoke monsters, polar bears, “freckles,” punches to the face, slave ships, numbers, button pushing, hatches, people who see dead people, plane crashes, helicopter crashes, car crashes, spinal injuries, hot Australian girls who become less hot as time goes on, a giant foot, the fucking Dharma Initiative, Walt, temples, electromagnetism, disappearing islands, Tunisia, terrorists with puppy dog eyes, endless walking through the jungle, men who never shave but don’t grow beards, an excessive use of the word “dude,” Driveshaft concerts, skeletons, mercenaries, machine guns, Koreans who learn to speak English in two weeks, sex in cages, time travel, hydrogen bombs, a good guy in white, a bad guy in black and a motherfucking golden cave? And for what? What did it all mean? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing!

Just as I always suspected, the writers of Lost had no clue what was going on and never had a plan to connect any of their mystical dots. If I tried to list all the unanswered questions, plot holes and missing characters I would be here all night. FUCK YOU LOST, YOU OWE ME 6 YEARS!

I never even enjoyed watching the show, I accidentally started watching and only stuck with it because I wanted answers. I was just curious. Well, curiosity killed the cat and threw it into a magic cave until it turned into a smoke monster, whatever the hell that means!

Fuck you Lost, fuck you.

Be Sociable, Share!

21 comments so far

21 comments to “Lost!”

  1. Jeffon 24 May 2010 at 12:52 am

    You seriously kept watching after they started time traveling in parallel universes and saw themselves being born in another dimension (or whatever)?

    *YOU* should make your list

  2. Detective John Kimbleon 24 May 2010 at 1:02 am

    Jeff is right

  3. Ericaon 24 May 2010 at 2:23 am

    Yeah, I worked it out…approximately 576 hours of life WASTED on a fucking steaming pile of horse shit!!!!! FUCK YOU ABC…FUCK YOU JJ Abrams for leaving the show in the hands of two fucking idiots while you tippy toe through the fucking tulips over in Cloverland and outer space!!!! FUCK OFF EVERYONE!!!!!!

  4. Paul in Saint Paulon 24 May 2010 at 6:55 am

    I purposefully steered clear of Lost after suffering through the entire run of Abrams’ spy serial, Alias, the finale of which made me question why I’d stuck with a show that went in so many wrong directions, especially a Nostradamus-like plotline that involved magic. In a spy series. Fucking Nostradumus!

  5. Peteon 24 May 2010 at 7:30 am

    Never watched the show, so it don’t matter to me. I generally don’t watch television. In real life when a plane crashes, they mop up the body parts and try to reassemble them so they can tell the papers how many died. That’s how it’s supposed to happen.

  6. Saraon 24 May 2010 at 8:38 am

    I never watched any of it….I don’t get that channel. They should have just had the producers come out at the end and tell the cast they were in a hidden camera TV show without their knowledge and now its getting cancelled and sorry we confused the hell out of you and wasted 6 years of your life. After what you described it could be plausible

  7. You Just Made My List!on 24 May 2010 at 9:17 am

    The worst part was the pre-show which consisted of the creators and actors stroking themselves for all being brilliant and being part of one of the most important TV shows ever. Horse shit.

  8. Scotty Ton 24 May 2010 at 10:28 am

    Wake up in the mornin’ feelin like P-Diddy
    Put my glasses on
    I’m out the door
    I’m gonna hit this city.

  9. pigdooron 24 May 2010 at 11:01 am

    i just didnt get it. were they all dead on the island the whole time or what??…cant wait to try one.

  10. Jayon 24 May 2010 at 1:04 pm

    I have to agree with Jeff on this one.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 24 May 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Jeff, John & Jay – I agree with all of you. I hate myself. I literally was watching the last half hour of the show and thinking things like “You idiot, why did you waste so much time on this shit? What’s wrong with you?”

  12. Jim Joneson 24 May 2010 at 3:29 pm

    At least its over and no more time will be wasted on this piece of shit!

  13. Adion 24 May 2010 at 4:08 pm

    I feel like i’ve just dodged a bullet. The only time i’ve ever watched Lost was while it was on at other people’s houses, and since i didn’t really know what the fuck was going on i never followed the show. If a show is really popular and isn’t offending people (namely christians and minivan drivers) then it’s generally going nowhere good.

  14. Ericaon 24 May 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Sara – sorry but where do you live that you do not get ABC? It is available in almost every country on earth!! Available with just an antennae as well…no cable needed. Do you live in Sub-Saharan Africa? I think even there they can get Lost….

  15. Alessaon 24 May 2010 at 9:39 pm

    I have never been so happy to not know what the hell somebody was talking about.

  16. kenon 25 May 2010 at 1:29 am

    The first three seasons were downright fantastic. Then when they flashed forward they squandered an opportunity; the show could have gone to another level but instead just treaded water for the next three.

    Regardless of how bad the show DID get, just getting to watch Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson (Locke & Linus) act every week was worth most of the implausible stuff.

  17. CreatureofHabiton 25 May 2010 at 7:28 am

    I watched the first season and gave up 1 episode into season 2 cuz it was so lame. But I still watched the finale and you know what? I didn’t miss a beat. So glad I didn’t waste my time all these years trying to figure it out. During the Jin/Sun scene in the finale I looked at hubs and said “they’re all dead”. See how smart I am???????? Me, Me, MEEEE!!!!!

  18. arod13on 25 May 2010 at 8:05 am

    the hell with Lost,isnt anybody upset over Heroes’ demise with so much shit my dumbass tried to follow albeit late?!

  19. Jonathanon 25 May 2010 at 9:39 am

    I agree with CreatureofHabit – you could have skipped seasons 2-5 and most of six and you wouldn’t have missed anything crucial. They just kept making it up as they went and filling time with more bullshit once they needed new villians. The Others! Evil Dharma! Widmore! Penny! FUCKING TIME TRAVEL! Evil Locke!

    I should’ve given up when they started jumping in time (which is when I gave up on Alias), but I had already invested three seasons’ worth of my time.

  20. Tommyon 25 May 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Dude, you just gotta let go and move on

  21. The Weezer “Hurley” album!on 27 Sep 2010 at 7:49 am

    […] become, a photo of “Hurley” from everyone’s favorite island of mystical bullshit, Lost.  I guess in many ways listening to a new Weezer album is just like watching Lost… you sit […]