May 26 2010

These stupid inventions!

Published by at 3:24 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

I was all set to write about something else when fate directed me to this bullshit. All of these inventions aim to do the same thing… make you look like a dick while the rest of the world is being awesome.

OrbitWheel
What do you get when you cross a skateboard with inline skates? A fucking shitty skateboard. If you ever dreamed of ripping your crotch in two the OrbitWheel is your best bet!

orbit wheel orbitwheel

AquaSkipper
Maybe you would rather look like an asshole on water. Great, just climb aboard your AquaSkipper and start humping!

aqua skipper aquaskipper

“Walk On Water Shoes”
Perhaps you love the water but the AquaSkipper is just a little too extreme for you. Well I would suggest stripping down to your underwear, strapping on your water shoes and going for a nice walk on the ocean.

walk on water shoes

Swerver Ultimate Carving Streetboard
A skateboard cracked in half? Sure, why not.

Swerver Ultimate Carving Skateboard

Magic Wheel
Let’s see… if there was just a way to combine the nerdiness of a unicycle with the outrageous fun of a wheel chair… hmmmmm… and if you could put it dangerously close to my balls that would be perfect.

Magic Wheel skateboard skateboarding

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25 comments so far

25 comments to “These stupid inventions!”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TWT INVENTIONS, TWEET INVENTIONS. TWEET INVENTIONS said: These stupid inventions! | You just made my list!: I was all set to write about something else when fate directed … http://bit.ly/byBmn2 […]

  2. pigdooron 26 May 2010 at 7:05 am

    i distinctly smell poop.

  3. SanFranon 26 May 2010 at 10:42 am

    Fuck. This. Shit.

    That water skipper thing is the mechanical representation of Trig Palin.

    And the rest of it all, well, fuck them, too.

    I guess these are all better than the idiot exercise machines that are constantly flooding (or attempting to) the market.

    Death would be the very next thing to happen to me if I tried any of those.

  4. SanFranon 26 May 2010 at 10:44 am

    Oh, does anybody remember those spring-loaded shoes that were popular in the 70’s? Two plates of metal with two springs each between them. Proof that my parents were trying to get me to break my ankles so they wouldn’t have to buy me more stupid shit like that.

    Here they are! http://www.flickr.com/photos/sfschafer/2319172879/

  5. You Just Made My List!on 26 May 2010 at 10:45 am

    SanFran – “Trig Palin” NICE!

  6. You Just Made My List!on 26 May 2010 at 10:48 am

    SanFran – No but I remember Romper Stompers! http://www.skooldays.com/images/ty1195.jpg

  7. SanFranon 26 May 2010 at 11:03 am

    Romper Stompers! My cousin had those – they sucked…. not dangerous enough.

  8. Jonathanon 26 May 2010 at 11:11 am

    Romper Stompers FTW!!!

    The Water Skipper is so fucktarded that words escape me. Even if you can get it to work, you still look like a fucking moron.

    However, if you ride the Water Skipper wearing a monocle, now you’re playing with power! CALLBACK!!

  9. Amy Louiseon 26 May 2010 at 4:20 pm

    I’m not sure if you just made my night or wrecked it? Any news on that cure for cancer? P.s. Listy- I love you!

  10. Perryon 26 May 2010 at 10:11 pm

    Amy Louise – Yeah, seriously! If we put half the effort into…ah, why bother? Clearly they’re not listening…

    P.S. Listy, I love you!

  11. Saraon 27 May 2010 at 11:03 am

    Well its official my new saying is “thats so trig” my husband and I used it all night watching Idol.
    “I can’t believe they slapped a wig on Bret Michaels and sent that walking stroke out on stage, thats so trig”

  12. Saraon 27 May 2010 at 11:05 am

    And whats up with Lee’s mouth going to the other half of his face when he sings? he looks totally trig

  13. Ericaon 27 May 2010 at 6:30 pm

    SanFran – wow, you could possibly be the angriest person on earth! If you do live in San Francisco, that is where I grew up and most people there are old hippies! Are you a transplant? Your rage would certainly scare a few old hippies…

    Listy – thanks for introducing me to these devices. Someone is getting an AquaSkipper for Fathers Day!!!!! 🙂

  14. Ericaon 27 May 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Oh and one other thing…isn’t the retarded Magic Wheel basically a scaled down Pennyfarthing?

    http://thedailydairy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/pennyfarthing.jpg

    This guy looks WAY cooler than the douchey Magic Wheel dicks. Love those chops!

    Oh and that reminds me, I work with someone who, yup, you guessed it rides a mother fucking Pennyfarthing to work!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  15. You Just Made My List!on 27 May 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Erica – Seriously, you must past through some sort of time vortex on your way to work. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take photos for me. I’m BEGGING you!

  16. Ericaon 28 May 2010 at 12:39 am

    Listy…you are in luck…I took a picture of this stupid retarded bike about 6 months ago. He parks it INSIDE the building, in the hallway outside his office!!! Presumably so it won’t get stolen…yeah, I am sure there is a HOT black market for pennyfarthings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But how do I embed a pic for you? Let me know and I can send your way…then you can vomit.

  17. Saraon 28 May 2010 at 7:46 am

    where the fuck do you people work? Steampunks incorporated? Do the employes occasionaly have fist to cuffs in the hallway all dancing around one another?

  18. You Just Made My List!on 28 May 2010 at 8:36 am

    Erica – I will email you right now so you can send it to me. Thanks!

  19. Ericaon 28 May 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Sara – that really made me laugh! No, unfortunately I don’t work at Steampunks Inc, but that would be awesome! No the douches I work with are just into being weird. They are all programmers and developers so a VERY different breed. There is even a club here for Pennyfarthings and they race them! Although this one is not his RACING one…he has another one for that.

    I know insanity!!!!!!

  20. Jacobon 02 Jun 2010 at 2:00 am

    HOLY SHIT DUDE!!!!! The guy on the magic wheel was talking on his cellular telephone AND eating an ice-cream WHILE CARVING SOME SWEET URBAN LINES ON MR. GARRISON’S “IT”! I can’t even do that when I’m walking!

  21. Dongaon 07 Sep 2010 at 12:08 am

    I really want the magic wheel

  22. ickyon 04 Jan 2011 at 11:54 am

    magic wheel=unicycle with training wheels
    broken skate board=what’s the point?
    aqua humper=looks like a great workout, but also looks idiotic
    orbit wheel=just dumb

  23. zeal-aspenon 19 Aug 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Hey people, I a concept artist and designer and this is what I think about:
    OrbitWheel – Conceptual, but not practical for those technical skate board/roller blade tricks.
    Aqua Skipper – Nice idea, although you look stupid hopping up and down; plus it’s harder than it looks.
    Split Skateboard – Mmm, a wannabe RipStick, great! Uh, that’s dumb…
    WaterShoes – … that’s retarded, get a boat for that shit. This idea is worse than the split skateboard.
    Magic Wheel – pretty cool, the guys eattin icecream and taking on a cellphone; you can’t do that on a road bike at slow speeds.. you just can’t (unless you have bluetooth). Although you look silly riding one, for short distances it’s a little better than hauling bicycle, breaking a sweat and locking it up. I’d probaby give this a try out of all the wacky inventions listed here.

  24. stevenon 27 Jun 2012 at 4:52 pm

    SOCCER PRACTICE SPORTS BAG.

    A sports bag attached to a soccer goal post.

  25. stevenon 27 Jun 2012 at 4:54 pm

    soccer practice sports bag