Jun 22 2010

Coors Light cold activated window!

Published by at 3:30 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

coors light cold activated window

How the fuck did I ever figure out whether or not my beer was cold before the world’s smartest scientists at Coors figured out how to make the box tell me? Hey box, if you’re so smart why don’t you tell me why my parents got divorced?

I’m wondering if people who drink Coors Light might be mildly retarded because Coors finds it necessary to constantly invent space-age cans, bottles and boxes that attempt to explain the difference between cold and not cold to their customers.

Some of you elitists out there are probably using your East Coast liberal voice to say, “Can’t you just touch the can to see if it’s cold?” Oh yeah? Why don’t you get back on your polo horse Spencer, because the working man ain’t got no time to be touching no bottles and cans all day long. Real men are too busy chopping trees the fuck down and hauling them behind their pick-ups with chains to waste time checking the temperature of every beer they encounter. Even if they WANTED to check the temperature of a Coors Light it would be impossible thanks to their leathery man hands.

Wait, I just realized I have no idea if Coors Light is a “working-class” beer or not. Maybe it’s the kind of beer college guys in puka shell necklaces drink? Perhaps it’s the beer you are most likely to see spewing from the mouth of a 38-year-old woman in the parking lot during her 20th high school reunion as Phil Collins’ “Another Day In Paradise” can quietly be heard from inside the Holiday Inn? I have no clue because I literally don’t think I have ever seen a single person drink a Coors or Coors Light.

Isn’t it funny how, like, women want to, like, shop and get married but guys, like, totally just want to watch sports and drink beer?

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28 comments so far

28 comments to “Coors Light cold activated window!”

  1. Peteon 22 Jun 2010 at 7:25 am

    Some people flinch when they hear the word “retard” nowadays because it’s like, politically incorrect to use it.

    I’m not one of those people–and the world is full of retards.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jun 2010 at 7:54 am

    Pete – I try to save it for special occasions (no pun intended). I use it sparingly because I don’t want to insult retarded people by comparing them to, say, Guy Fieri. I like retarded people, I really do. What I hate is people who technically are “normal” acting like they are retarded (i.e. Guy Fieri).

  3. kenon 22 Jun 2010 at 10:37 am

    When our daughter was younger, I was a big fan of the indicator diapers, which let you know when her diaper is wet without having to take it off and see. But yeah, the Coors Lite mountains are for retards.

    I do kinda like the Old Style bottles where the ivy grows on the bottle when it changes temperature but I’m biased and it’s totally useless, it doesn’t serve a function other than looking kinda cool.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jun 2010 at 11:15 am

    Ken – Pee activated diapers? Wha? What is their method of indication?

  5. CDBon 22 Jun 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Everyone knows that the best way to tell if your beverage is cold is to hold it against a sissy’s neck. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e6AhjTsacA

  6. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jun 2010 at 1:17 pm

    CDB – Nice!

  7. Saraon 22 Jun 2010 at 2:16 pm

    yes they make potty training underwear that has disney Cars on it but if the kid pees himself the Cars go away. I guess this is suposed to psycologicaly make them realize that if you piss your pants your friends will all leave you.

    Seems like a waste to me, the whole idea of potty training was your wearing underwear from now on and if you think I’m buying MORE Expensive BIGGER Diapers your shit out of luck.

  8. kenon 22 Jun 2010 at 4:37 pm

    The newborn diapers (which I wish they made past the first month or so) have a vertical strip that runs from front to back. When they pee, the strip changes color, which saves the hassle of undoing the diaper to check. I mean, we can pretty much go by feel now but it would be nice to have that option.

  9. rachelon 22 Jun 2010 at 7:14 pm

    1. Coors = bad
    2. intelligent diapers = rad
    3. word “retard” bad
    4. your “List” = awesome

    Listy, even when i disagree with you, which is *almost* never (see LOST posts), i still love you. i have spent the last 10 years working with special needs adults and children and getting to know them and their families on a very personal level. i hate the R-word. and so do they. it’s like using the N-word. and i wouldn’t be your blog-loving-friend if i didn’t let you know how i truly feel. maybe you could substitute the word for one of these well worn descriptors: douche, dipshit, jerk-off, a-hole,
    nim-rod, tool, asswipe or Guy Fieri.

    love always,
    rach

  10. Paul in Saint Paulon 22 Jun 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Rachel, I have to confess the same. After working with mentally retarded (even the clinical term is under dispute!) kids, I just can’t use the word disparagingly, and I have to bite my tongue when I hear it. I know that most people don’t really think about people who are actually retarded when they say, “What a fucking retard!” but it does kind of sting. I’d rather hear any of your alternatives, or perhaps, fuckwad, cuntface, shit-chaser, etc… They are softer on my ears. Plus, they would make the Listman work even hard with his thesaurus.

  11. pigdooron 22 Jun 2010 at 10:23 pm

    NO SHIT!! i saw this commercial just this morning and thought of u right away!

  12. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jun 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Rachel – I almost never use the term retard. In the last 500 posts I think I have typed the word 3 times. To be honest, I struggled with using it on this post but ultimately decided, in the spirit of this site, it was OK. Maybe that’s because I know what my personal feelings are on the subject. From an early age I have treated all people equally and one of my best friends in grade school was mentally challenged. I can see how that might not be good enough. But, I also kind of feel like this site is filled with derogatory comments (made by me) and I didn’t think a rare usage of “retard” was too excessive. I’m not sure if that makes sense. I totally understand your point though and that’s why I never really use that word.

  13. rachelon 22 Jun 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Paul.. NICE. i like ALL those.

    Listy, i like to post this blog to my facebook, but have to think twice when the r word appears. i have many special needs friends.

    don’t stop saying mean things about people that deserve it. xo

  14. Tommyon 23 Jun 2010 at 1:24 am

    what happens if the cold-activated rocky mountains aren’t facing the window?

  15. Tommyon 23 Jun 2010 at 1:30 am

    retards do a great thing for human society. they make us feel that it is better than it may be since we care for them instead of disposing of them at birth.

  16. Amy Louiseon 23 Jun 2010 at 3:11 am

    I like the anagram Chris Nieratko coined for the mentally challenged- H.O.G’s (hearts of gold).

  17. You Just Made My List!on 23 Jun 2010 at 1:42 pm

    OK everyone, let’s stop all the “retard” talk. It’s my fault and I feel bad about it. Let’s go back to hating Guy Fieri together.

  18. Saraon 23 Jun 2010 at 1:47 pm

    this whole conversation is trig

  19. You Just Made My List!on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Sara – You saved it!

  20. JulieJulieJulieon 24 Jun 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Coors should be focusing on one thing – making their “tastes like baby pee” beer at least drinkable. Eyes on the ball, Coors, eyes on the ball!

    I get the magician/ misdirection thing that they’re doing by distracting people from the piss-poor beer by tricking out their packaging. But guess what – at the end of the day their beer still sucks! I suspect that Coors people know their beer sucks and will continue to churn out different, trying-to-be-cool-but-failing packaging.

  21. kiddaon 24 Jun 2010 at 6:35 pm

    the cunt took it out of the fridge, of course its cold.

    If you want to see dipshit blokes drinking fizzy piss you should check out the wkd uk adverts

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dElUq3xoikQ&feature=related

    Well done for drinking an alchopop with your mates

  22. You Just Made My List!on 24 Jun 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Kidda – What the hell is that stuff?

  23. kiddaon 25 Jun 2010 at 2:19 pm

    I did have to google as all I know is its a drink for teenage girls whereas they think their target market is oafish blokes

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WKD_Original_Vodka

  24. You Just Made My List!on 25 Jun 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Barf.

  25. Benon 28 Jun 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Paul and Rachel, I have to confess that after working with shit-chasers and people with cuntlike shaped faces, I just can’t use the words “shit-chaser” and “cuntface” disparagingly, and I have to bite my tongue when I hear them. I know that most people don’t really think about people suffer from a medical condition that leaves them with a cuntlike shaped face when they say, “What a fucking cuntface!” but it does kind of sting. I’d rather hear any of your alternatives.

  26. […] now on when I head to a kickass beach party I’m grabbing a six-pack of Coors Light and a sixer of BBQ chicken sandwiches. I’m also bringing a six-pack of condoms because when […]

  27. KTon 27 Aug 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Excuse me LIST but I am drinking my ice cold rocky mountain beer and I am female and I do not want to get married anytime soon!!!! Who cares if Coors is for working class men or not…its good, cheap, and super cold in this 100 degree weather. And so what if you think folks are retarded for needing a window to show that there beer is a perfect temp. You are retarded for not knowing that Coors has to be super cold for you to drink it because it is not pasteurized like other beers, it is just filtered.

  28. Derdrikon 15 Nov 2011 at 10:25 pm

    If you need a diaper to tell you your little one has pissed, for the love of God please don’t reproduce. If you need a beer can to tell you its cold you obviously are special/retarded and need to quit drinkin or check yourself into a home.