Jun 28 2010

Massage stock photos!

Published by at 3:45 am under I Don't Get It

massage stock photos

All I know is that every time I get a massage it looks nothing like the tranquil rocks-on-the-back photos I always see advertised. In fact, it’s usually midnight, I’m somewhere near the airport and I’m sitting in the parking lot of a 7-11 trying to freshen up by triggering a Glade Sense & Spray off in my pants. Sorry, I like to be presentable for the ladies, sue me.

But wait, that’s not the point of this post! I’m not attacking hot stone massages, rather I take issue with the endless parade of identical massage stock photos we are forced to suffer through. Sure, the boob squishing out from the side is a check in the plus column but is it enough? Is it enough? I’m here to ask the difficult questions.

I sincerely hope you have found yourself on this page after doing a Google search for “massage stock photos” and I hope you are now rethinking your decision to use a photo of a topless woman with “rock spine.” I understand why you want to use a photo like this but I implore you to help put an end to this epidemic. Let’s do this together, let’s think outside the box.

Maybe… just thinking off the top of my head here… maybe we can try some with the woman on her back? Maybe she’s in heels? You know, something fuckin’ classy.

Remember in the last post when I said my next post would be better? Boy did I get that wrong!

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Massage stock photos!”

  1. kenon 28 Jun 2010 at 6:45 am

    I’m with you on pretty much ANY stock photography. I want to start an affordable ‘custom stock’ photo shop where we take the shots you need at a decent price that doesn’t look like the staged, so obviously stock photos. I genuinely like most of the features on Yahoo’s front page but the stock photos ruin it most of the time. Let’s get on that, Listy.

    Could the inevitable ‘fonts you hate’ post be lurking around the corner? Papyrus? Everyone’s whipping boy: Comic Sans? Helvetica? Dingbats?

  2. Yours Trulyon 28 Jun 2010 at 7:15 am

    All those stock photos are missing is the standard black guy in the picture subtitled: “Come see our diverse team.”

  3. UltimateChaseon 28 Jun 2010 at 8:12 am

    I’m with you on the identical stock photos, but really I am more outraged by the idea of hot stone massages. There is no way I’m paying some dipshit to put heated-up rocks on my skin while I lay around next to some candles with my side(man)boobs exposed for his perverted eye pleasures. I hate all non-groin massages anyway. I keep my muscles bunched up and tense for a reason. And that reason is…basically I don’t like getting massaged. I hate it. It hurts and it makes me nervous.

  4. noodleson 28 Jun 2010 at 8:26 am

    I had the skin burned off of me once from a hot stone massage and the women kept chucking the rocks in a bucket which made me jumpy. I think she was kind of an angry massage therapist.

  5. T.J.on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:44 am

    Give me a girl on her back in heels anyday!

  6. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:49 am

    Thank you T.J., that’s all I ask.

  7. Ericaon 28 Jun 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Ken – I just read your response and had to laugh at Dingbats! I believe you mean Wingdings…yes, an even MORE retarded fucking name for that font! I need to ask someone in the Office product group what sociopath came up with that fucking font? It is gibberish!!!

    Oh and Comic Sans makes me nauseous when I see it used…seriously vomit inducing.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jun 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I’m comic sans asshole.

    Don’t read other blogs.

  9. Munchieson 29 Jun 2010 at 12:37 am

    I love hot stone massages, but dislike comic sans and papyrus – can we still be friends?

    And can you hate this tomorrow?


    I haven’t had the time to give this article/website the proper mocking it deserves, but it’s been on my list.

  10. Ericaon 29 Jun 2010 at 2:06 am

    Listy – that Comic Sans rant was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!! I think the final straw for me was when I saw that mother fucking dildo font on a sign for a funeral home, the funeral home where a family member was about to be interred…the gall of that ballsy little font shit.

  11. CreatureofHabiton 29 Jun 2010 at 7:24 am

    I was going to post that McSweeney’s link too Listy. Goddamn it’s funny!

  12. You Just Made My List!on 29 Jun 2010 at 8:43 am

    Munchies – Wait, can I be paid to be a temporary friend? Sign me up! I LOVE PEOPLE!

    Erica – At a funeral home?

  13. kenon 29 Jun 2010 at 10:50 am


    There is a Wingdings (which also sucks) but on my Mac there is also a Zapf Dingbats which isn’t too bad of a font. I do still hate Comic Sans and Papyrus.