Jul 19 2010

Whatever this is!

Published by at 3:13 am under I Don't Get It,Why?!?

sun protection face cover

New Star Wars characters released! Soon every child and adult nerd will be collecting the new Robert and Mike action figures from the latest installment in the George Lucas franchise, Star Wars: Let’s Golf This Weekend.

That would be a better explanation of this insanity but sadly these things exist on our planet.

As you all know, since the Iraq and Afghanistan wars began, the burka craze appears to be unstoppable! Seems like EVERYONE owns at least a couple burkas. Moms are wearing them to Walmart and kids in the ghetto are shooting each other over them. I don’t need to remind you that the runaway hit last Christmas was the Snuggie Burka!

Even THAT would be a better explanation.

In reality, these are to protect your precious face and hair (?) from the sun. How about this… if you are that sensitive to the sun you just have to stay inside. Maybe it’s selfish, but when I’m bench-pressing sexy babes on the beach for a crowd of onlookers I don’t need to see you and your sun helmet in my peripheral vision. To be honest, it’s dangerous for me and the girl I’m bench-pressing. I don’t have time for your distracting headgear, not now, not ever.

(This is the part where Jeff leaves a comment like “You know actually, these are for burn victims who need extra protection from the sun” and ruins everyone’s fun. Thanks Jeff.)

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25 comments so far

25 comments to “Whatever this is!”

  1. Jeffon 19 Jul 2010 at 4:33 am

    Ha ha – my work is done here.

  2. Jim Joneson 19 Jul 2010 at 6:26 am

    When I first saw the pics, I thought it was some of those wonderful little things you use in the winter time to keep your face warm. After reading what they actually are all I have to say is, “what the fuck?” And since you mentioned burkas, how is it that a pussy ass country such as France appears to be the only one with balls enough to outlaw them?

  3. CreatureofHabiton 19 Jul 2010 at 6:39 am

    True story:

    I was stopped in the street due to a fat mail man carrying on a conversation in my lane with a car on the other side of the road, as happens in Boston. As I’m stopped, sitting there having an internal rage stroke, I look over and see 3 little girls in black Burqas (head to toe!) playing basketball. It was 98 degrees outside with raging humidity. I was in a tank top in the AC sweating my ass off. These little girls are playing basketball. I looked in my rearview mirror to see how long the line of cars behind me was forming and what do I see? A crazy old dude on a bike with a GASMASK and a baseball hat (Sox).

    So I think it’s completely ironic that you have this post today…. Burqas, masks….. it’s happening all over the place.

  4. rachelon 19 Jul 2010 at 4:38 pm


    you’re welcome.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 19 Jul 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Rachel – Thanks. Yes, unfortunately I have seen those. I think I would rather have beard in my food than have to be forced to think about all the beard that’s being held back. Barf.

  6. Alessaon 20 Jul 2010 at 12:20 am

    I’d rather get an awful 3rd degree sunburn than scare the shit out of everyone else at the pool. This is retarded.

  7. Benon 20 Jul 2010 at 11:58 am

    @ Jim Jones
    Good news, my pussy ass province of Quebec is working on outlawing them too.

  8. Karaon 20 Jul 2010 at 12:34 pm

    I initially thought they were garments for germaphobes. I am undecided as to whether this explanation would be better or worse… Of course, maybe it really is better that their faces are covered up. Imagine their pale, sickly faces lustfully staring as you are “bench-pressing sexy babes” at the beach. They might even use an umbrella as a sun covering instead, getting in the way of your beachy frolicking… What if you tripped on the umbrella and ended up rolling around in the sand with the pale, sickly ones? You may end up thinking… if only they had covered their pale, sickly face with something besides an umbrella… if only…

  9. You Just Made My List!on 20 Jul 2010 at 5:58 pm

    I don’t need to take an umbrella to the sack while I’m flexing.

  10. JulieJulieJulieon 21 Jul 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Jesus f’ing Christ – haven’t these people heard of sunscreen – or baseball hats? Obviously not. I mean my God, they’ve got sunscreen with 100 SPF now – that will even enable lilly white me to go out in the sun without getting burned.

    Are they going to introduce onesies for when you want to go to the beach?

  11. Jenniferon 03 Aug 2010 at 6:08 pm

    I am a little disturbed that people would make fun of this. My 4 year old son has to wear full face coverings like this do to his medical condition. He is literally allergic to the sun and breaks out in severe hives, swelling, and blisters in a matter of minutes. Very short periods of time in sunlight result in not just the physical discomforts you would expect from this type of reaction (such as severe burning and itching) but also can result in headaches, stomach aches, vomiting, etc. sunblock does absolutely nothing for him. There are numerous conditions like this. Don’t believe me? Google these medical conditions: Solar Urticaria, Polymorphus Light Eruption, Porphyria, Xeroderma Pigmentosum, etc. So before you tease, be careful . . . you never know what is really going on.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Jennifer – Oh geeze, don’t take it so personally. I’m obviously joking around and not going to make fun of a child who HAS to wear this thing for a medical condition. Group hug.

  13. bobon 03 Aug 2010 at 7:43 pm

    If i could sit down and have a chat with you that would be great ,not on the computer, but face to face.I think that your opinion might change, like jennifer my 5 yr old,has the same reactions, i get so tired of stupid,ignorant people who are “adults”when they have not an f’in clue, most wouldn’t unless it was shoved down their throats, i will do anything for my kids, even deal with stupid fuckers like you, and hey smart ass i got a group hug for ya come on over! just imagine,that your out in the sun and you get blisters,and oh yeah,they have to give you second degree burns to make sure it kills the cancer. YSF

  14. Shannonnon 03 Aug 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Jennifer you go girl , My daughter has the same thing EPP she is allergic to the sun and Unltra Voilet light . It’s close minded people like these ones that make life harder for our kids to live with thier diseases. and to say that you would never make fun of a child that had to wear it for medical reasons , are you so stupid as to think that there isn’t adults that have the same condtion ? It makes me sick that I have to tell my 9 year old every day when some stupid like you make a bad remark to her or about her so that she hears it about how she looks with all her protective clothing on that some people are just rude and silly and not to worry about it . ( What I really want to say is that your ASS Holes and if for just one day you had to do what she does just to go outside you might just shut the f**k up.) Try useing your head before you mouth or your key board and just don’t say anything at all. Karma is a bitch and I hope that yours catchs up with you soon . Shame on all of you .

  15. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2010 at 8:48 pm

    OK, people, calm down. Go somewhere else and discuss this. This is the wrong forum. Have you seen the site? It’s not a very serious place.

    By the way, I’m sure YOU never made fun of ANYTHING, right? Thank god you are perfect.

    Get off your high horse and stop acting so high and mighty. You act like the world revolves around your needs and your special situations. You have no problem laughing at things that don’t personally concern you, so just take it easy and see the big picture here.

  16. Caroleon 03 Aug 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Although my son does not have any of the conditions listed by Jennifer, he is also is allergic to the sun. A few hours in the sun with out protection caused hundreds of skin cancers and years of surgeries and excruciating treatments.

    Jennifer, take heart, ignorance and poor judgement has always been a part of our society and the internet just gives even them a voice. These uneducated and insensitive individuals have now unknowingly mocked disabled children and adults who suffer horribly due to rare conditions. Shannon, I’m with you…they should walk one day in our childrens shoes… they wouldn’t survive.

    There is a saying; better to keep you mouth closed and have people think you a fool, then to open your mouth and prove them correct.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2010 at 9:49 pm

    Carole – Don’t call yourself foolish just for opening your mouth.

    Blah blah blah, get over yourselves.

  18. Lucindaon 03 Aug 2010 at 10:35 pm

    Dude. To call you a jackass would insult poor mules the world over. I am a full-fledged grown person with a disease that does not allow me to be in the sun much at all without breaking into hives. Yes, I do wear sun screen (the new 100 SPF, in fact)…yes, I do wear special sun protective garments…yes, I own the facial covering pictured above on the right (I refuse to hide indoors permanently from the likes of morons like yourself…I like to remain active outdoors whenever possible). I also wash sun protection into my clothing for added protection. Still get breakouts…still have sun cancer and awaiting surgery. I am not a germaphobe and I am not protecting my hair you dolt, I am protecting my scalp, which also breaks out. Whilst you are reminding folks with serious medical conditions to ‘get over themselves’…perhaps you should share the method that we should do so, since the medical community does not seem to have those answers. Perhaps then we and our special needs shall not offend you. Pray chance you ever were to become ill in some fashion, I most assure you that I would not make fun. Not a single person in this world revolves around me and my medical condition, but that does not mean that they have to be as insulting as the likes of you. So, if a dolt like you ever dare comment to my face, they may have concern to protect themselves from things, say….something lovely that would make that umbrella to the sack look and feel like a picnic.

  19. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Lucinda – I’M KIDDING! Do any of you people understand basic SARCASM?

    Jesus Christ, I’m so OBVIOUSLY JOKING!

    What a bunch of fucking babies.

  20. Lucindaon 03 Aug 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Maybe you are just not that damned funny….and I highly recommend that you avoid babies, they might puke or something and completely ruin your so-called sarcasm and frollicking at the beach.

  21. You Just Made My List!on 03 Aug 2010 at 11:16 pm

    Lucinda – Yes, a baby throwing up will ruin my sarcasm. Huh? You’re a regular Carrot Top with that superior sense of humor of yours. Stick with being humorless and leave the comedy to awesomely hilarious people like me.

  22. bobon 04 Aug 2010 at 7:53 am

    well good morning, I see youve gotten some attention,while I was at work, you have no idea.I as a parent try to teach my kids that there are some things in life that are different, you dont point or make comments, if you have a question ask and ill try to give you an answer.Did you know that most of these people and children have to have genetics testing to even know what they have, di you know the last I knew these tests run around 10,000 dollars a peice, and the ins company do not always cover these tests.Now on to school clothes, my wife and I just spent over 200 dollars on 2, yes 2 pairs of pants and a couple shirts so our son can just go to school and be safe.I love to laugh, I dont mind havin some beers now and then,but if I were you,I would realize that this is not a laughing matter and move on,you say not to take it personal,but thats all we have,our children are different than most, but they are still kids that love to do what every other kid does,so I would probably erase this mess and move on,I sure you wont, but im sure youll hear more from us

  23. Babygirlon 04 Aug 2010 at 7:55 am

    As a person who suffers from a sun allergy, I completley understand the anger from those who are directly affected by this disease. I was upset when reading some of the comments as well. BUT-let’s not be quick to judge. I can recall in all my days of living that I have at least once or more laughed at a comedian making a joke regarding a diability or race that doesn’t directly affect me. Unfortunatley, since I’ve had this condition, I’ve found it’s doesn’t feel good for the shoe to be on my foot. With that said-instead of calling those who are offended babies or telling them to get off there high horse, maybe you could realize that this is a very real condition affecting people across the globe and apologize. When people feel that you understand where they’re coming from they’re more likely to forgive. Just a thought.

  24. You Just Made My List!on 04 Aug 2010 at 9:01 am

    Babygirl – I think it’s fair, and restrained, to call these people babies when they are calling me things like “asshole.” Had they taken the time to READ and more importantly, COMPREHEND what I wrote and then left a comment that was as well-thought out as your comment I would not have reacted the way I did.

    However, unlike you, they chose to display a typical knee-jerk reaction. They ARE acting like huge babies and hypocrites. I’ve seen it before on this site many times. People think it’s great when they agree with me on a subject but as soon as I make fun of something they love, suddenly it’s “wrong” for me to comment on it. Luckily, most of my readers are smart enough to understand sarcasm though.

    I shouldn’t have to explain this but I will… in this post, I am CLEARLY saying the opposite of what I believe. I am CLEARLY writing in the voice of an idiot on purpose. Did these people even read what I wrote? I’m talking about bench pressing girls for Christ sake.

    It’s a typical holier-than-thou American reaction to have an overly-BIG reaction to something as long they have a personal attachment to it. Usually these people don’t even understand what they are commenting on. Otherwise, these same people are free to joke and criticize anything else, as long as it doesn’t affect them personally. In other words, freedom for them but not for others. I hate hypocrisy.

  25. Nameless L.O.S.T. Extra - Soon deadon 13 Feb 2011 at 5:42 am

    Don’t talk about things, it makes me mad because I’m extremely insecure about everything.

    People, chill the fuck out. This is a comedy site, above all else. If you want to have a serious discussion about how much it sucks that your kid has a medical condition, do it on a medical forum, since it probably won’t have the best reception on a comedy site.

    You people are the cancer that is eating away at the world, with your need to be overly politically correct about everything. Heaven forbid I make a joke about being A.D.D., since someone’s kid might actually be suffering under that horrific condition. Doesn’t matter if I am, in fact, if I am, I should be taking it more seriously, etc. etc. Yes, by all means completely ignore the fact that it was a joke to begin with, and thus -> NOT SERIOUS, so by proxy, shouldn’t be taken -seriously-. Listy, for the record I have a cousin with PLE, and when I showed it to her both of us laughed, since it was a FUCKING JOKE, and on an unrelated topic at that. She said she particularly liked the burka gang wars part, btw.