Aug 02 2010

Puppets!

Published by at 3:28 am under Sucky TV,Why?!?

Outerscope II creepy puppets

Buckle up because you WILL have nightmares tonight.

I don’t like puppets. I especially don’t like puppets from the 70s and 80s. OK, I guess the puppets of Sesame Street were badass (not that piece of shit Elmo) but most other puppets from that era look like fucking burn victims. Burn victims who want to lure you into their van and stick you in a secret room under their back yard. I’m amazed that the children’s programming I watched as a kid didn’t cause me to go crazy and kill my parents in their sleep.

Let’s start with a show that, sadly, I grew up watching, Gigglesnort Hotel. In this hotel, a human named B.J. is forced to live and work with a dragon named “Dirty,” a bell boy named “Weird,” a faceless hunk of clay named “Blob” and a bunch of other freakish puppets. Truth be told, it’s a pretty shitty hotel and I can’t imagine it getting more than 1.5 stars on Yelp. I would also like to mention that occasionally a bad guy shaped like a lemon would throw bad jokes out of a helicopter and cause anyone who read the jokes to become horribly deformed. But have no fear, “Weird” would become a superhero named “The Shusher” whose only power was to quietly shush people. WHAT? My parents are lucky they got out alive.

Gigglesnort Hotel

One of the best ways to make a puppet creepy is to give it human hands. I can’t figure out how old these horrible creatures from Peppermint Park are supposed to be. They look like they belong in the AARP and yet the sight of bubbles sends them into an excited frenzy. I also like that they suggest putting newspapers on the floor before blowing bubbles indoors. Huh? Is that because the excitement is going to cause you to shit your little puppet pants?

Peppermint Park

I vaguely remember Outerscope II but I think I have pushed it way way back into that dark part of my brain that tries to forget such horrible things. In this scene, Henry, who looks like a young George Costanza, falls in love with a rocking horse and fucks it in the ass while the other children read a diary entry about a dying Indian. Hurry kids, you’re going to be late for school!

Outerscope II

This clip is supposed to prevent house fires but if I saw this as a kid the first thing I would do is burn my house down to keep the demons away. This clip reminds me of this fetish.

And this brings us to the perfect storm of creepy…
Puppets + Clowns + Jesus + Hugs = Your worst childhood memory.

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27 comments so far

27 comments to “Puppets!”

  1. Jeffon 02 Aug 2010 at 4:00 am

    Holy crap – I instantly recognized that first picture – they’re from ‘Vegetable Soup’.

    That show genuinely scared the crap out of me as a kid. Uggh I’m going to have nightmares.

  2. camon 02 Aug 2010 at 6:43 am

    One weekend a few years ago, I stumbled on this little gem of a festival: http://puppetsup.ca/
    There were freaks of all kinds walking around with giant heads, playing fiddles and crap…I literally ran to get the hell out of there.
    The freak factor was well beyond anything that I could handle.
    Stay way the hell away from this if puppets freak you out!!

  3. Amanda Cateon 02 Aug 2010 at 6:47 am

    One of my favorite things to do (wow, sad) is to look up haunted dolls on ebay. It’s an equal mix of creepy and hilarious.

    A personal favorite a friend brought to my attention: http://img825.imageshack.us/img825/5194/ebaydoll.jpg

  4. Peteon 02 Aug 2010 at 7:20 am

    “Team America” was funny. But I guess those were marionettes, not puppets per se. FUCK YEAH!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 02 Aug 2010 at 8:30 am

    Jeff – Yes, it was a segment on Vegetable Soup. I did not remember this show until I saw these horrible puppets and then it all came flooding back like I was in therapy remembering being molested by a priest.

    Cam – Puppets + Hippies = No thanks.

    Amanda – Haunted dolls? I love it. Well, I hate it but I love it.

    Pete – Yes and yes.

  6. Benon 02 Aug 2010 at 11:25 am

    Thank god I only watched Sesame Street and the Muppets, any of the above puppets would of left me scarred for life.

  7. Ericaon 02 Aug 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Jesus fuck Listy…why???? I will never sleep again. I am going to hear that mother fucking bull dyke voiced puppet forever.

    If you want a funny look at insanely dumb shit from the 50’s (puppets included) you have to watch Rifftrax Shorts…here is a sampling from YouTube (Mike’s commentary is hilarious!):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA8U0k8NAkw

  8. Rebeccaon 02 Aug 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Listy, totally unrelated, but I just stumbled on this and thought of you. They look like they just walked (or biked) off the set of a Miracle Whip ad shoot. “We’re so young and crazy and unconventional; fuck mayo!!!”

    (I found this by Googling FBC — the medical abbreviation [full blood count] — and this came up.)

    http://fuckingbikeclub.blogspot.com/

  9. Rebeccaon 02 Aug 2010 at 2:50 pm

    PS. This one especially.

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rBoXpAysk8M/TE-zsj-renI/AAAAAAAACME/tRLg-F8Ukiw/s1600/IMG_7659.jpg

  10. Jayon 02 Aug 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Peppermint Park! I still have that VHS tape somewhere. Impressive gathering of clips, Listy, well done. Thank goodness we have YouTube to prove this strange programming did actually exist.

    I also have the melancholy sounds of Carole King’s Chicken Soup With Rice permanently burned on my brain. Kid’s entertainment has really changed over the last few decades, but I feel lucky to have grown up during a less media savvy era, too much sterilization can be a bad thing too.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 02 Aug 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Rebecca – I, I, I, I’m going on on a killing spree!

  12. You Just Made My List!on 02 Aug 2010 at 5:27 pm

    I forgot, there is one puppet I like…

    httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7Gx7wKwqWQ

  13. Jayon 02 Aug 2010 at 8:11 pm

    I’m surprised you left this one off your list of examples, might be the creepiest of all.

    http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational/watch/v314320mtDXwbyN

  14. You Just Made My List!on 02 Aug 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Jay – WHY?!? I erased this from my memory!

  15. Jeffon 02 Aug 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Heh – Jay do you still have the Levi’s Flat Beat puppet?

  16. You Just Made My List!on 02 Aug 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Jeff, I have a full size and a kickass mini version.

  17. Ericaon 02 Aug 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Jay – what the hell is that 10 min video of? I got through like the first 45 seconds and it was some kids fugly mom putting his shit away in a closet? WTF? Am I missing something? Is there a payoff if I invest almost 10 min of my life in that video…

    Listy – best puppet ever though is Conky from Trailer Park Boys! He rules.

  18. pigdooron 04 Aug 2010 at 9:03 am

    truly bone chilling.

  19. Steveon 04 Aug 2010 at 11:17 am

    Some puppets do their own rapping!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFIVbnsVkUQ

  20. You Just Made My List!on 04 Aug 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Steve – Um, I’m not sure what I just witnessed but I think I need to spend some time in my crying closet.

  21. SanFranon 04 Aug 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Holy Fuck. I do believe you have done irreparable harm to me.

    That is some grade-A certified fucked up shit!

  22. You Just Made My List!on 04 Aug 2010 at 7:30 pm

    You’re welcome.

  23. SanFranon 04 Aug 2010 at 8:22 pm

    and the ultimate puppet show: httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_1d–yrujU

    crank up the volume!

  24. You Just Made My List!on 05 Aug 2010 at 8:32 am

    SanFran – How dare they defile Sesame Street! I’m writing my Congressman about this. You sire, might be going to jail, so think about THAT!

  25. SanFranon 05 Aug 2010 at 3:58 pm

    I didn’t defile anything! This is brilliant, and shows that even Sesame Street characters need to break it down and vent their frustrations.

    The brilliance is lost on your ill-equipped mind.

    Go ahead, send the police with their warrant – I’ll just sing NWA loud and send them on their way.

    (c’mon man, you have to admit, this was pretty clever).

    PS: I was a sesame st devotee, too, you know.

  26. scared4lifeon 05 Dec 2010 at 10:27 am

    Seriously, I’ve been searching for the name of the show that fucked me up for life, and thanks to you now I know. I used to describe it to other’s my age, hoping they would recognize it but they just thought I was crazy.
    Granted, during the time I watched this show I was the subject of terrible physical and emotional abuse (I think my abuser knew how disturbing outerscope was to me and forced me to watch it).
    Thanks for posting this. Although I am having major flashbacks I think I can finally find some closure.

  27. MarkDon 07 Feb 2011 at 2:48 pm

    I’ve described the “Outerscope” segments of “Vegetable Soup” to people, too, and yes, they thought I was crazy. But damn, those creepy puppets MADE ME crazy! What a nice little acid trip for an 8-year-old. I remember the dead eyes, the unmoving mouths, and the HANDS. Freakishly large hands sticking straight from their bodies, no real arms to speak of. The lead puppet, as I recall, was a boy named Edgar – he wore a red baseball cap and a blue sweater with his name on it. The dead eyes, the hands! I’m haunted!!