Aug 12 2010

The Kymaro Body Shaper!

Published by at 3:00 am under Sucky TV

Kymaro Body Shaper reviews

Ladies, have you ever wanted to transform your jiggling fat rolls into solid hunks of slightly less gelatinous fat? Have you ever wanted to go from a size 53-inch waist down to an incredible 52-inch waist? Do you want to go from looking like fat 1992 Rosanne Barr to the incredibly sexy 2010 Rosie O’Donnell? And most importantly, do you want to reshape your neglected body without making a single lifestyle change or watching what you shovel into your mouth cave?

Then let’s start celebrating with a sack of cake because the Kymaro Body Shaper is about to rock your fat ass!

Why waste all that time at the gym when you can simply cram yourself into a giant sock? Eat what you want and let the magic Kymaro do all the work. Hey, it’s not even your fault that you’re overweight, it’s that damn fat gene that they are always talking about on the news! God did this to you, not Pizza Hut and Mountain Dew!

Some people are just genetically fat and no amount of McNuggets or ice cream can stop them from gaining weight. For example, look at this poor woman below. You can clearly see why she needs an elaborate device to control all that disgusting fat all over her body. When I think about the unlucky guy who has to have sex with this woman… I want to be sick.

Kymaro hot girl in the commercial

Sure, there’s going to be an awkward moment when the young stud in the Affliction shirt you lure back to your apartment sees you naked for the first time. He thought he was going home with Brooke Burke but once you squeeze out of your little space suit there, he’s staring down Delta Burke. Yes, he will start making excuses and will bolt for the door but luckily you are now big enough to fill it.

I think the infomercial host sums it up best when she says, “Keep your doughnuts.” Yes America, keep your doughnuts. Keep them in your cold dead mouth!

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22 comments so far

22 comments to “The Kymaro Body Shaper!”

  1. Jeffon 12 Aug 2010 at 6:04 am

    hah – very funny – but last sentence needs an ‘in’ I think…

  2. Jim Joneson 12 Aug 2010 at 6:05 am

    The fat bitch is still fat!!! It’s amazing there are dumb fucks buying the hell out of this probably saying, ” Look honey, I lost two inches off my waste and I can still eat that bucket of fried chicken tonight! Maybe I’ll even get a “double down” sandwich to go with it, since it’s healthy and all!”

  3. Peteon 12 Aug 2010 at 7:29 am


    I don’t care what anyone says, big is not beautiful and people should take care of–and have pride in–themselves. Stop eating and get some exercise.

  4. saraon 12 Aug 2010 at 7:35 am

    “He thought he was going home with Brooke Burke but once you squeeze out of your little space suit there, he’s staring down Delta Burke”

    I think it would be a better infomercial if they showed the fat girl wriggling into the suit then one of those star swipe shots to the hot girl. TA DA!!

  5. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2010 at 7:56 am

    Jeff – Whoops, thanks.

    Jim – Hey, she might not be a bitch. I’m not a fan of calling women bitches. I loves the womens! I should also point out that I’m not anti fat people either, it’s just that I’m not a fan of the typical “something for nothing” attitude that this dumb product celebrates.

  6. Jim Joneson 12 Aug 2010 at 8:09 am

    I apologize, the “woman is still fat.”
    The next big thing is gonna be the “Do it Yourself Liposuction Kit.”

  7. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2010 at 8:14 am

    Jim – She’s fat but did you see that “after” photo? She’s tiny bit less fat after Kymaro. Way to go science!!!

  8. Jonathanon 12 Aug 2010 at 8:41 am

    Affliction t-shirts are stupid. Fucking meatheads.

  9. Paul from Saint Paulon 12 Aug 2010 at 8:46 am

    It does seem to minimize Sandrea’s muffin top.

    Where’s the male version to reduce the beer gut?

    One might think about taking more permanent steps before resorting to a body tube to reduce “back bulge.” Both sexes seem to be afflicted with that.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2010 at 8:47 am

    Jonathan – Agreed

  11. Erinon 12 Aug 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Hmmmm… glad to see that God broke the mold after he created all you perfect men on here! God forbid that any woman should gain weight and look less like a half starved 11 year old girl. Curves are sexy, and being morbidly obese is a disease. Why should every woman look like Listy’s “Kymaro Hot Girl”? Just wondering?

  12. You Just Made My List!on 12 Aug 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Erin – For the record, I’m criticizing the product not the women. Well, I am criticizing people who want something for nothing. If the fake customer in the commercial wants her pants to not be so huge, maybe she SHOULD give up the doughnuts. I workout 6 days week (which I HATE) and watch what I eat (which I HATE) in order to maintain my flawless body.

  13. Erinon 12 Aug 2010 at 12:49 pm

    I don’t think this is really a something for nothing product. The women that purchase this product know that to the average pin-head they are not physically attractive. What they are trying to buy is some self confidence because they have been told over and over that they are only as good as the reflection in the mirror. Which in my book is a load of horse pucky. I am not pointing fingers at you Listy, and yes give up the doughnuts and work out… but even if they did they would still buy this product because of the damage that has already been done psychologically… Sorry for getting so deep. Keep Rockin’ Listy! I still love you xo

  14. Jonathanon 12 Aug 2010 at 1:07 pm

    You only work out six days a week? Pussy.

  15. Badhorsieon 13 Aug 2010 at 8:45 pm

    I can’t believe I watched that twice, but i wanted to make sure….

    The measurement is being taken in two different places. The first one is much lower and around the fattest part of the stomach, while the second measurement is 2 inches below her breasts at a much smaller area.


  16. Dennison 25 Aug 2010 at 2:28 pm

    What is proper etiquette when this occurs.. something like “Looks like you dropped a couple of tons and went from grey whale to walrus”?

  17. body shaper girlon 21 Oct 2010 at 7:32 am

    i like the body shaper!!

  18. Laurenon 17 Nov 2010 at 12:50 am

    Disease my ass!! The only disease in this country is sorry ass fools who take ANY reponsibility for their own damn behavior while whiny enablers like you make utter bullshit excuses for them!! Unless you are a baby elephant nobody is born weighing 250 pounds it’s what you do AFTER you come out of the womb that’s a problem. Her blimpy size is her own fucking fault and no amount of misguided pity changes that.

  19. Lizon 18 Nov 2010 at 11:52 am

    Disease? Lauren, what do you tell the 16 year old girl that has been touched by her stepfather for years and the only thing that saved her was her gaining weight to keep him away? Her saftey net!!! What about the cancer survivor who has to take steroids and gained 60 pounds, it improve her system? Her body changed! Before all you have a say try thinking of why? What happened in their lives that created that body. Not all cases stuff their mouths with doughnuts.

  20. You Just Made My List!on 18 Nov 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Liz – I think it’s pretty clear that I am talking about cancer patients. I can’t speak for others, but I’m obviously making a different point.

  21. Jasmineon 22 Dec 2010 at 11:59 am

    You guys are all pathetic… this isn’t even worth having a conversation about. i don’t know if the writer was trying to be funny with this or just being a serious asshole…but if it is a joke then don’t be so sensitive about, but if you truly want to make women feel worst because of there size, then you should check yourself writer!

  22. You Just Made My List!on 22 Dec 2010 at 12:25 pm

    Jasmine – I can’t remember but I think I was trying to be a serious asshole. I take being an asshole very seriously.