Aug 19 2010

I pee sitting down and I’m proud of it!

Published by at 3:30 am under Awesome!

men who pee sitting down

Yeah, that’s right, I’m a man and I pee sitting down. Deal with it!

It all started in high school when I realized I could sneak an extra 15 seconds of sleep if I took a little pee-nap on the toilet during my morning piss. It was these brief, relaxing moments that led to my impressive pee-sitting career.

Soon I began to notice all of the advantages to lounging while peeing. Without the distraction of standing and aiming my stream into the bowl, my mind was free to contemplate important issues. Let’s do the math… If I pee-sit 2 times a day for an average of 15 seconds per session (not including pee/poop combos) and multiply that by the approximate number of days I have been a pee-sitter (about 9,490) we are talking about 79 hours and 8 minutes of free mind time. That’s 3.29 days! And where did I figure this all out, on the toilet while peeing of course.

The next advantage of sitting while peeing is the reduction of piss noise. This usually only comes into play when you have guests or while you are a guest at a friend’s house that has one of those annoying bathrooms placed right near the action, like just off the kitchen where everyone is hanging out. Guess what, I don’t want you to hear my powerful racehorse pee stream as much as I don’t want to hear your piss splashing all over the place. Nobody needs to hear that while trying to enjoy a delicious nacho a mere few feet away.

But even without the relaxing, brainstorming and reduced noise, pee-sitting is worth its weight in gold for this reason alone… it’s neater! I don’t mean neater as in “OMG, that’s so neat,” I’m talking about reducing the amount of human piss that splashes all over your bathroom. When a man takes a leak standing up I would estimate about 1% of the pee ends up out of the bowl. Only 1%? What’s the big deal? If you ask me, even one drop of piss out of the bowl is too much!

Now, let me very clear about this, I do not pee siting down in a public bathroom. Public bathrooms are standing room only, hence the huge amount of piss covering every surface.

OK go ahead, start calling me names, I know you are dying to, but I can tell you this, tonight I sleep soundly in a home free of wayward piss.

I am proud to be a pee-sitter!

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74 comments so far

74 comments to “I pee sitting down and I’m proud of it!”

  1. Mr. Kickerson 19 Aug 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Tim and Eric wrote a song about it…once you get past the Nerf commercial:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54t0iyp_udc

  2. Ericaon 19 Aug 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Paul – now I know why my pelvic floor prolapsed!!!! Mother of christ I cannot believe that Chinese people actually got UP onto the toilet seat, shoes on, and squatted to take a dump. That just makes absolutely no sense to me. Why would you want to squat over something vs. sit in relative comfort? Reason #396 not to visit mainland China!!! (Hong Kong is fine…they have very sanitary facilities)

    Paul you must, must try to execute all these things and give us a report. Can you replicate all the poses from the signs? I really want to know how the squat on TOP of the toilet works…I hope you have excellent balance…:)

  3. Ericaon 19 Aug 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Oh and while we are obsessing on the subject of urination (thanks so much Listy!!) what do you men make of this?

    http://www.go-girl.com/what-is-gogirl.asp

    I am putting the “FUD” on my Christmas list! (my husband might be too…)

  4. Paul from Saint Paulon 20 Aug 2010 at 12:35 am

    Erica, can you imagine the plop and splash a turn dropping into the water from maybe three feet up might make? Hardly an Olympic dive entry.

    Your pelvic floor prolapsed, and they didn’t even mention sitting on a toilet as the main cause? This should go to arbitration.

    Also, thanks to regular yoga sessions, building balance, flexibility, strength, and concentration, I had no trouble whatsoever squatting over the toilet with my pants around my ankles and my knees bowed out and straddling but not touching the sides of the tank. Even so, my feet would not have exceeded toilet stall territory at the MSP airport (where I and hundreds of other tourists visited the bathroom where Larry Craig sprawled out on the john – really a mob scene, with wives shoving their husbands inside with cameras to capture the scene of the crime). I confess that I did not actually poop in the experiment, since that is far more difficult to immediately summon than pee, but I feel confident that I could carry out a non-seated action-squat over a normal Western toilet.

    I will not attempt the Chinese version of squatting UPON the toilet seat. That I just can’t explain to the paramedics. And I don’t envision it happening unless it’s to carry out the legendary upper-decker, which would also require a great deal of harbored hatred for someone in order to do something so heinous in their home. It’s nice to have in the back of my mind as an option, though.

    The FUD looks awesome. I wish there were videos to explain its usage, since I’m still not clear on the actual procedure. None of my European friends has ever even mentioned their FUD! I would want to borrow it in a second, just to see how it could be redesigned to accommodate testicles. Back to balls.

  5. Ericaon 20 Aug 2010 at 12:55 am

    Paul – you are a legend!!! I love you. šŸ™‚ What is this penultimate “upper-decker” you speak of? I have never heard of it…is there an instructional video you can refer me to? Can you possibly conscript Fylleguppe to create a quick sketch for me?

    I can imagine many uses a man might have for the FUD! And yes, why isn’t there a full instructional video online? I would not want to misuse this as a party hat or beer funnel!

  6. You Just Made My List!on 20 Aug 2010 at 1:22 am

    Erica – an upper decker is when you shit in the toilet tank.

    goodnight.

  7. You Just Made My List!on 20 Aug 2010 at 1:56 am

    Kidda – yes.

    Kickers – yes.

    Fylleguppe – Will you illustrate my autobiography?

    Everyone – I think I;’m going to barf (see tomorrow’s post)

  8. Sheinyon 20 Aug 2010 at 2:39 pm

    My husband is also a pee-sitter and it is AWESOME! The seat is ALWAYS in the down position in our house. No pee stains for the cleaning lady to worry about either. How did I get so lucky?! I pity the fool however who takes his early morning calls — there’s definitely a pee-poo going on in the background. I don’t go near that Blackberry, EVER!

  9. elgation 21 Aug 2010 at 10:10 am

    Dude,

    A great deal of the Indian sub-continent’s male population squats to pee. Specially if doing it outdoors.
    Reasons are:
    Modesty
    Cleanliness (no splatter to your feet)

    Also in countries where squat toilets are common, this is also true, so pee on! I myself stopped sitting on toilets alltogether at age 15. I prefer to squat because I don’t have to sit on someone else’s residue, and everything comes out easier. And yes in the mornings it’s so much easier to pee sitting or squatting!
    As per balls touching the toilet wouldn’t that have happened already when crapping? WTF?

  10. Creature of Habiton 23 Aug 2010 at 7:09 am

    Wow- you go away for a bit and look what happens! Never did I think Listy would let out a little tid bit like this….

    For the record, my husband pees like San Fran describes, and always puts the seat and lid down. Perhaps he’s more highly evolved that I give him credit for.

    That Australian poster is fascinating. WTF with the dude squatting in front of the toilet? Who fucking does that? Go in the woods if you’re gonna shit on the floor man!

  11. grebbyeleon 26 Aug 2010 at 3:54 pm

    *delurks*

    saw this & thought of you!

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/aug/21/unthinkable-having-a-sit-down

    *relurks*

  12. You Just Made My List!on 26 Aug 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Maybe I sit because I’m 1/2 German.

  13. lolaon 15 Sep 2010 at 2:31 pm

    OMG You would think that 1/2 the people here have no clue of the design of the human body! The guy just sits down and he pees for cripe’s sake. Does it really sound that difficult? Honestly, I know A few men that prefer to sit down when they Pee. These guys are more abundant than you think. It’s more private too. I don’t know how guys can just stand in a long line and pee in front of each other anyway! I know I’m just a girl.

  14. lolaon 15 Sep 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Sorry I should not have said half the people here. Only a couple actually.

  15. […] get it, you’re a dude, you’re a man, you like beer and you pee standing up. In fact you are such a man that you usually just pee on the floor while crushing a beer can on […]

  16. Yummmmon 05 Dec 2010 at 10:52 am

    You should try Pee-sitting backwards, as in face the way you do standing up but sit down. It’s a completely different sensation. But it feels amazing. It takes a minute to come out because it basically feels like you’re sleeping and about to pee in your dream, and your body is use to trying to stop that from happening, but it still feels great! Better than regular peeing.

  17. You Just Made My List!on 05 Dec 2010 at 10:55 am

    Yummmmm – Intriguing.

  18. Nameless L.O.S.T. Extra - Soon deadon 13 Feb 2011 at 3:43 am

    @this post and it’s 67 comments…
    what the fuck?
    TMI people… this was clearly all just an elaborate ruse so Listy would get multiple opportunities to ‘subtly’ drop the hint that he has a huge (in his opinion) penis. šŸ˜‰

  19. Every Guyon 30 Mar 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Every guy pees sitting down half the time anyway.

    http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/andrei-trostel/why-do-men-pee-standing-up

  20. tyrellon 08 Apr 2012 at 4:14 pm

    I PEE SITTING DOWN TOO AND IM PROUD OF IT AS WELL

  21. You Just Made My List!on 08 Apr 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Tyrell – Say it loud, say it proud!

  22. Marcon 19 Apr 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I’m a 42 year old man. I’m in better shape than most men half my age and I have an average package. I sit down to pee. You young stupid farts need to wake the hell up. In a public bathroom, sure, stand up…they’re generally cleaned daily.

    At home, why the HELL would you stand up to pee? It’s messy as hell and gets PISS all over the floor! What are you STUPID?

    Furthermore, I’m really confused about some of you people, talking about penis angle and such. The penis is angled DOWN when you sit to pee, just as it is when you stand to pee. And about the balls touching the water, um…balls shouldn’t do that until you’re MUCH older (80ish?), and at that point, who really cares?

  23. Zequezon 06 Sep 2012 at 12:27 am

    I started with this practice a couple of weeks ago and I couldn’t be happier with the results. So many advantages!

  24. BABon 01 Nov 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Well for the record, I also sit down to pee while at home. The reason being is that I don’t care how careful you are there will be pee splatter either on the floor, or on the rim. Which you would have to clean up anyway, I personally don’t want piss all over my floors.