Aug 25 2010

Nordic walking poles!

Published by at 8:49 am under I Don't Get It

nordic walking poles

Look at me I’m skiing! Oh wait, I guess I’m just walking… like a douchebag.

Sure, walking is pretty extreme on its own, but add some fucking ski poles and suddenly you’re the (insert name of famous skier here because I don’t know any) of the neighborhood walking club. With enough practice, you might even make the Olympic walking-around-the-suburbs team!

One time, I was Nordic pole walking and I saw this deep crevasse up ahead. I mean this thing was at least 4 inches deep and a foot across! I was thinking maybe I should pole my way across the street, you know for my own safety, but something in me said, “Go for it, fucking go for it dude.” So I approached the gaping crevasse without fear because I had my poles! I approached the edge of the great hole, sweat pouring into my eyes, and planted my poles. Suddenly it was as if I was weightless and I found myself sailing over the abyss. I’ve never felt so free!

Unfortunately, I misjudged my jump and fell on my face. I was so mad because I ripped my best walking pants. Stupid poles.

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18 comments so far

18 comments to “Nordic walking poles!”

  1. saraon 25 Aug 2010 at 9:23 am

    They’re so extreme then can’t use the sidewalk! Out of my way bikes!! Don’t make me stick this pole in your spoke!

  2. Dieteron 25 Aug 2010 at 9:44 am

    Here in continental Europe nordic walking is extremely popular, especially with women. I’m glad your womenfolk over there prefer driving to walking otherwise they’d loose the curves that have made them famous worldwide.

  3. Anneon 25 Aug 2010 at 10:41 am

    I’m a little disappointed Listy. The walking poles are such an obvious thing to hate, it kinda sounds like you’re phoning it in. Step up your game, man!

  4. You Just Made My List!on 25 Aug 2010 at 10:52 am

    Anne – I’m sorry, I will try harder for you next time. I forgot that the internet is constantly abuzz with talk of Nordic walking poles. I really dropped the ball.

    Ironically, I am writing this from my iPhone so I guess I’m phoning in this response too.

  5. hodanon 25 Aug 2010 at 12:16 pm

    i bet they pee sitting down.yeah i said it!!!

  6. Tommyon 25 Aug 2010 at 1:25 pm

    finally.

  7. Jayon 25 Aug 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Those walking sticks would look pretty snazzy with your Rush top hat and a Kymaro Body Shaper.

  8. Ericaon 25 Aug 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Listy – I could understand if these people were missing a leg or foot or something but to be fully functional and need ski poles to WALK on PAVEMENT?? I agree, fucking ridiculous. Why not just get a motorized mobility chair and forget the sticks.

    Jay – hilarious! I am picturing a young guy cruising the mean streets of Chicago with his (retarded, sorry Lister) Rush top hat and only wearing the Kymaro and nothing else…what a sight! 🙂

  9. You Just Made My List!on 25 Aug 2010 at 1:57 pm

    OK, for the record, I was kidding about the top hats, they were actually just baseball hats.

  10. saraon 25 Aug 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Did the hats come with sewn in long curly greasy getty lee hair? ( I know he’s sense cut it but I prefer to remember him with the long greasy curls….just makes him that much more fugly)

  11. You Just Made My List!on 25 Aug 2010 at 3:12 pm

    Geddy Lee looks bad ass with long hair! You will never get me to turn on Geddy.

  12. Ericaon 25 Aug 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Sara – yes, Geddy might possibly be the ugliest man alive but what talent! If he was better looking Rush would’ve been the biggest band ever. But unfortunately, his appeal is for men only…

    Listy – thank god you were joking about the top hats! I have been trying to erase the image of 10,000 people all wearing Dr. Seuss Cat in the Hat type-top hats with weird round spectacles and Mountain Dew extreme foam at the corners of their mouths. It was awful…thanks for clearing it up!!

  13. calebon 26 Aug 2010 at 11:26 am

    i actually almost bought some of these poles once, but then realized i’d look like an ass if i used them. though in their defense, they do apparently help you burn a lot more calories and work your muscles better than simply walking.

  14. kenon 27 Aug 2010 at 5:09 am

    I just love the idea that Erica and possibly Jay thought that we got RUSH top hats. That’s an awesome visual. Now I really want a RUSH top hat.

  15. aka kevinnon 03 Mar 2011 at 9:10 pm

    they are stupid unless ur actually climbing a mountan but there not there just lazy

  16. Tinaon 18 May 2013 at 1:57 am

    Please kindly contact me about the walking pole

  17. Tinaon 18 May 2013 at 2:01 am

    Please contact me about walking pole

  18. You Just Made My List!on 19 May 2013 at 1:05 pm

    What could we possibly discuss privately about walking poles?