Sep 30 2010
10 easy steps to becoming a Juggalo:
1. Be white. The whiter the better. Try to be almost clear if possible.
2. Be drunk and/or high at least 65% of any given day.
3. Be so incredibly stupid that when you aren’t drunk and/or high it’s impossible to tell the difference.
4. Be poor.
5. Be shaped like a beanbag chair. Alternatively, be shockingly skinny from crystal meth abuse.
6. Have lots of free time. Don’t let bullshit like school or a job get in the way of your Juggalo activities. That fat face isn’t going to paint itself.
7. Love to braid your hair.
8. Have crooked hands. I don’t know what it is but anytime I see a photo of a Juggalo their hands and fingers are all twisted up. I wonder if this is caused by a steady diet of Faygo, off-brand beef sticks and video games.
9. Be in a wheelchair. Juggalos in wheelchairs get extra bonus points!
10. Be amazed and perplexed by magnets.
Gallery of parental failure:
“Water, fire, air and dirt. Fucking magnets, how do they work?”
You might also hate...
102 comments to “Juggalos!”