Oct 14 2010

People who don’t know how to pull up to an ATM!

Published by at 3:31 am under Why?!?

bad driving atm bad parking

This is going to be a short rant for 2 reasons.

1) I spent the day in a 5 hour meeting. The kind of meeting where you aren’t the person doing any talking so all you do is sit there and conjure up the sickest sexual fantasies you can involving the women attending the meeting. Then someone finally turns to you and says, “What do you think?” and you blurt out “Baby oil!”

2) Does anyone really care what I have to say about anything?

3) I’m just kidding, I know I am worshiped by many.

4) I was going to write about Giada de Laurentiis and her crazy psycho smile but while looking for photos of her I realized I’m too hypnotized by her cleavage to say anything negative about her. “Baby oil!”

5) Finally, what can really be said about these people? Learn how wide your car is jackass. Should this bother me? Does it actually affect my life in any way? The answer is obviously yes. I hate these people! I also hate people who have no idea where their front bumper is and will cause me to die a slow death behind them in traffic because they REFUSE to simply turn their steering wheel and go around whatever obstacle is in their (our) way. It bothers me. A lot of things bother me.

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “People who don’t know how to pull up to an ATM!”

  1. Bullet-x-theoryon 14 Oct 2010 at 9:45 am

    Listy your great, every morning for the last almost year you have made me laugh, or savagely loathe someone or something new! Never change.

  2. Jonathanon 14 Oct 2010 at 9:53 am

    I can’t stand people who creep and creep and creep into the intersection at a red light and then take their sweet time once it turns green. I usually blow by them from a dead stop anyway. Good thing you crept up, asshole.

    Driving in general is just pissing me off. I’m not an angry person, but I find myself getting more and more agitated by lights, stop signs, pedestrians and, especially, other drivers. I want to move to a place where I can rely solely on public transportation so I can get rid of my car.

  3. calebon 14 Oct 2010 at 10:52 am

    @Jonathan – move to minneapolis! the public transit here is great and getting better with the light rail lines they are building. i’ve never owned a car and i get around just fine. yeah it can be an inconvenience sometimes, but you just get used to amount of time you need to get places. oh and it can be cold in the winter, but thats what coats and boots are for.

  4. calebon 14 Oct 2010 at 10:56 am

    oh and Listy – my dad still laughs every time he sees Giada on tv, and makes a joke about how much he admires the way she uses her “cleavers”.

  5. Paul from Saint Paulon 14 Oct 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Caleb, are you fucking crazy? For a non-native, the winter is far too cold for standing at a bus stop. Listy cannot even walk from his private transport to the front door – that’s how cold southerners from Chicago find it here. And Chicago is cold enough to begin with. Coats and boots do not suffice: I am waiting for a heated hamster ball for getting around without a car in the dead of winter.

    I’m all for biking about seven months out of the year. The trails are great. And I live one block from one of the stops scheduled for the Saint Paul light rail. That may tempt me back into public transportation.

    Also, I plead guilty to misjudging my car’s position at the ATM. It doesn’t help that the dispenser is built for people in trucks or SUVs and even I, relatively tall, have to climb out of my window to reach the buttons.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 14 Oct 2010 at 4:02 pm

    There is no chance I am moving farther north. Chicago winters are bad enough. I’m moving to Maui next summer!

  7. kiddaon 14 Oct 2010 at 5:21 pm

    For fucks sake, drive through ATM’s? How lazy are you people?

    Having said that, standing behind someone at a cash machine waiting for them to (for some reason) press 20 buttons (and ponder time) to get money is infuriating. If you include bad driving to that I’m surprised there aren’t more crashes outside those places.

  8. Fartfaceon 14 Oct 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I nearly threw myself in front of the train every day last winter, just to finally guarantee I would never have to wait in that whipping freezing wind and wet icy boots again. I HATE Chicago winters more than anything else in this world.

    Why would anyone want to live here? It’s bad enough that it is dark when I leave for work and then dark when I am on my way home, does it have to be depressingly cold, too? The midwest BLOWS!!

  9. Paul from Saint Paulon 14 Oct 2010 at 6:16 pm

    I am hoping your blogging identity is a well-kept secret from the women in attendance at your meeting. Unless they are into baby oil.

  10. rachelon 14 Oct 2010 at 7:42 pm

    she can’t use an ATM *AND* has stuffed animals in the rear window.

  11. Mia from KCon 16 Oct 2010 at 3:08 am

    ATM’s, and other drive ups, are built for large to medium cars… definitely for not little cars. I’m a good driver, NO WAIT, I’m fucking Mad Max! Awesome driver (but without any record). I’m 5’2” and drove a Toyota Celica for 10 years. It may be a bank teller, food drive through window, or a homeless person I’m giving money to 🙂 … tiny cars with anyone under five foot nine demands that the driver has to open the door in order to reach upwards for the “business transaction” (no sick thoughts please, because a bizzzzness transaction could be misconstrued as….FUCKING…. but I diverge).
    Since my Celica, I have been driving a Jeep Grand Cherokee for a year and have not opened a door since. Moral, give time to those who are short and also driving little cars. They can’t help it.

  12. Mia from KCon 16 Oct 2010 at 3:09 am

    P.S.,
    I love baby oil!!!

  13. You Just Made My List!on 16 Oct 2010 at 9:55 am

    Mia – I was going to lecture about how it should be easier with a smaller car but then you mentioned baby oil and I lost me train of thought.

  14. eddkatzon 13 Dec 2010 at 11:50 am

    The most dangerous part of the “5 hour meeting” sexual fantasies is moving into the “I wonder how the 50+ women would look in a thong” or trying to figure out what kind of underwear the gal writing on the WhiteBoard wears as she jots down the company’s mission statement.

    God I miss work.

  15. bad drivers are lameon 02 Mar 2011 at 10:37 am

    Well its a woman driving, = clueless, = skill less just ignore them or you’ll get old quick.