Oct 15 2010
Want to know what to get me for Christmas? Just ask me to open a jar for you.
Nothing makes me happier than to hear “Can you open this jar for me?” You might as well have just asked me if I want to have a threesome, it’s that awesome.
There are so few chances in modern society to prove your dominance (I mean worth) as a man and, sadly, opening a jar for a female in distress is just about all that is left. Helping the cute girl in the office figure out how to add clip art to her PowerPoint presentation doesn’t quite give me the boner that opening a jar does. In my mind, hearing that little lid pop is not unlike killing a water buffalo with my bare hands.
This activity does not come without pitfalls however. As I approach my prey there’s always that nagging thought in the back of my mind saying “What if this is the jar I can’t open?” Luckily for you girls I will work a jar lid until my hands bleed, I will never give up and I will never fail. Yeah that’s right, if Hulk Hogan and Clint Eastwood had a baby and it was eaten by a gorilla, I would be that gorilla.
FYI, ask me to get something down from a high shelf and there’s a 98% chance we will be making love right there on the kitchen floor.
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