Dec 17 2010

Kidz Bop!

Published by at 3:30 am under Crappy Music

kidz bop

Is it wrong to want to hurt children?

Am I a bad person for fantasizing about punching these tiny turds (girls included) square in the face? It seems like maybe that’s wrong somehow.

The basic premise is “music sung by kids, for kids,” but why? If you want your kids to listen to shitty music why not just let them listen to the original shitty versions? I PROMISE you Train’s version of “Hey Soul Sister” is adequately filled with shit and gains nothing by being performed by shitty theater brats with shit-eating grins on their shitty faces. SHIT! Just think of the sound of all their little teeth hitting the floor.

Here’s an idea… let your kids listen to real music! This is your opportunity as a parent to cram some good taste down their throats. Kids, or kidz, can comprehend and enjoy music sung by adults. Listening to Kidz Bop is like taking your child to a 9-year-old dentist.

On a side note, while researching Kidz Bop (PAINFUL) I discovered these hair-dos. Maybe they are famous? Stereo Skyline, anyone? I am speechless.

stereo skyline naked nude

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15 comments so far

15 comments to “Kidz Bop!”

  1. 8bitheroon 17 Dec 2010 at 6:49 am

    Sex doesn’t sell nearly as well as pandering to children.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 17 Dec 2010 at 8:28 am

    8bit – There’s a joke in there about children and sex but I will let you all make your own punch line.

  3. Rachelon 17 Dec 2010 at 1:19 pm

    even my 5 year old son knows better. his favorite bands are Nirvana and Daft Punk.

  4. calebon 17 Dec 2010 at 1:59 pm

    when i was about 6 my parents took me to see Amadeus, and i loved it so much that from 6years to about 11years old i only listened to Mozart. then i saw a band play on Good Morning America promoting their new album. i had never heard of them before. their name? Genesis. the album? We Can’t Dance. somehow the music intrigued me. to this day i don’t know why, but i asked my mom to buy that cassette for me, and i wore that baby out.

    then in ’93 when i was 13 i saw Bjork perform on SNL (i think it was SNL) and my my mind was blown and i ditched the Genesis and never looked back. i still love Mozart, and a lot of other classical music though.

  5. Rachelon 17 Dec 2010 at 2:05 pm

    ps you need a post totally devoted to the *hair* above.

  6. saraon 17 Dec 2010 at 2:37 pm

    my four year old found my Weird Al tapes and now he loves Al, he even makes up his own songs with funny lyrics. This is cute….for now. If he hits 16 and sports a hawaiian shirts and tries to start some Bare Naked Ladies ass band I’ll have to put my foot down.

    Rachel my kid loves doing the Robot to Daft Punk. He also head bangs to Clutch and Mastadon, We didn’t realy change our household music when the kid came along, we just absorbed him into it

  7. calebon 17 Dec 2010 at 2:51 pm

    my kid sister was OBSESSED with Depeche Mode and Cocteau Twins when she was little. i take the blame.

  8. Rachelon 17 Dec 2010 at 6:04 pm

    sara– YES! family dance parties have been a musical expression since we had the little man. watching my kid do the robot just warms the cockles of my heart. he also does it to the new Target commercial, with Electronic Santa Claus and bangs head and does air guitar to Nirvana. Three cheers for cool moms! <3

  9. You Just Made My List!on 17 Dec 2010 at 6:12 pm

    sara – Clutch RULES!

  10. Paul from Saint Paulon 17 Dec 2010 at 10:12 pm

    Apparently you’ve never experienced The Mini-Pops. I suggest a bottle of vodka before attempting to view the following. Warning: there are seven volumes in this history –

    You’ll never hear Abba’s “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme a Man After Midnight” the same again.

    Some scars weren’t meant to heal.

  11. Sarah in Minneapolis; a tributeon 17 Dec 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Clearly this crap is for parents who are too stupid and lazy to find appropriate music. My sister made great CDs for everybody in our family. She made a cover for it with an old picture of us all and called it Songs to Raise Kids By. It had songs that are child appropriate and awesome, Daft Punk included. It is worth the effort to find shit kids can listen to without their parents wanting to blow their brains out.

  12. Aislynnon 18 Dec 2010 at 4:21 am

    I just discovered this website while trying to find Guy Fieri’s line of sunglasses for fuckwads, and I’m already hooked.

    I’m a senior in high school, so when Kidz Bop decided to rear its ugly head for the first time I was a wee little babe. Even in elementary school I had a friend who I really didn’t like. She always made me feel inferior and was just stuck-up in every way possible, for a kid at least. As it happens, she’s now a huge slut. I digress. Anyway, one night I was sleeping over at her house and to my horror, her mom popped in a Kidz Bop CD for us to fall asleep to. I tossed and turned all night in anguish to the sounds of Smash Mouth and Christina Aguilera songs as they were butchered and skewed by a group of kids my own age.

    I’ll never forget it.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 18 Dec 2010 at 10:21 am

    Paul – How have the Mini Pops escaped me for all these years? Those audition scenes were almost enough to kill me. Thank you?

    Aislynn – I am sorry you had to go through that. Those parents should be in jail.

  14. Canaduckon 19 Dec 2010 at 1:54 pm

    I have the exact same reaction when Kidz Bop commercials come on, and I have for years–is it okay that I want to hurt these children? I like kids a lot, normally, for some reason, but whenever I see the Kidz Bop commercials I feel a sudden and desperate urge to punch some baby teeth in.

  15. K.B.on 02 Apr 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Ugh, Kids Bop: the abomination of music. I’m a senior in high school, and my parents always played music by The Beatles and Pink Floyd all the time (which I didn’t mind at all. They are my favorite bands). Anyway, I remember back in elementary school we were able to bring a CD for everyone to listen to on the last day, and I brought my dad’s Van Halen CD. The teacher refused to play it just because it had the song, “Runnin’ With The Devil” on it, and she decided to play a Kids Bop song instead. That was horrible.