Jan 04 2011

Canadian accents!

Published by at 3:53 am under I Don't Get It

canadian accents

OK, before you get your hockey pants all up in a bunch, I will say that I also despise the accents of my fellow Chicagoans. And let me say this as well, I have been to Canada several times and always enjoyed myself. Any place with a chain of stores called “The Beer Store” has to be at least a little awesome. But those accents, eh?

Sure, Canada has exported some pretty important people who have made living on this godforsaken planet a little bit better… Neil Young, Rush, Pamela Anderson and, best of all, porn star and legendary “rope” shooter Peter North. I’m even willing to forgive you for Keanu Reeves and the Barenaked Ladies but I refuse to excuse those accents. Wait, I just remembered, fucking Nickelback* is from Canada. Thanks for shitting that one out of your country’s butthole all over us, Canada!

Lets get back to collectively hating the Canadian accent. It’s hard to really describe why I hate it so much. You might think it’s the annoying way they pronounce “out” as “oot,” or “sorry” like “soar-y,” or instead of saying “process” like “pra-cess” they insist on showing off and saying “prooocess,” but that’s just the icing on the back bacon. At the core of their horrible accent lies something far more sinister… over e•nun•ci•a•tion!

Every precious letter and syllable is given its chance to shine and be a star. While the rest of the world mashes sounds and words into one flowing mess, Canadians talk-like-they-are-speaking-to-a-deaf-person-who-reads-lips.

It doesn’t end there though. On top of this, Canadians end every sentence as if it were a question? “I’m going to the store? To buy some beer? If Bill calls? Tell him I’ll be back soon?” What’s with all the questions, Canada?

*I know, we gave the world George W. Bush, but still, Nickelback?

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35 comments so far

35 comments to “Canadian accents!”

  1. Camon 04 Jan 2011 at 6:51 am

    Really? C’mon, eh? Guess where I live?
    I have had the opportunity to go across this great country of mine and I am finding that the so called “Canadian” accent is in jeopardy of being lost or at least is in decline as Canadians are being inundated and beaten into submission by American TV. Pretty soon everyone will be talking like they are from California, eh? Atleast there is always the great Canadian east coast accent that I hope will never be lost, now if I could just figure out what they are saying…
    You can have Nickleback, I claim no ownership of those knobs.

    And the Beer Store? Great place

  2. saraon 04 Jan 2011 at 7:39 am

    You know how Canada got it’s name. They put a bunch of letters into a hat and drew them out.
    “C… a? N..a? D…a?
    That joke works better off paper.

    I’ll let you in on a slutty girl trick. If you forget the name of the guy your hooking up with (or you woke up with) There is a one in five chance his name is Mike. This trick works for the name Bruce in Canada.

  3. Piggdooron 04 Jan 2011 at 8:18 am

    It’s better than ramen, aye?

  4. calebon 04 Jan 2011 at 9:51 am

    Canada also gave the world Bill Shatner and the super awesome band Skinny Puppy. and Poutine.

  5. emon 04 Jan 2011 at 9:57 am

    Canada got it’s name from “kanata,” the Huron-Iroquois word for village. Way to be ignorant! And the only Bruce I know is from the fab US of A.
    Sadly, the Canadian accent and lexicon is dying away in favor of trendy wordage from incoherent rappers and pop stars.
    We have to claim Nickelback but you gave us Britney Spears, Xtina and *NSYNC…and GWB…pot meet kettle

  6. Diss Contenton 04 Jan 2011 at 11:15 am

    The Canadian accent evolves in a bizarre fashion from west to east.

    British Columbia only has a hint of the oft mimicked dialect with an increase in ‘oots’ and ‘ehs’ noted in Saskatchewan. Am I the only one who finds the capital of Saskatchewan one of the most vexing names on Earth? I can attest to the fact that going to ‘Horny Tim’s’ to score some ‘Beaver Tail’ did not play out as I had anticipated.

    By the time I was in Quebec the accent was so thick, I could not understand anything. It’s going to take more than American television and music to eliminate that collection of multi syllabic, non-diction.

  7. joeon 04 Jan 2011 at 11:15 am

    canada gave us justin bieber, but US born Usher made him famous so……folly all the way around i guess

  8. Rachelon 04 Jan 2011 at 5:15 pm

    what’s worse is non-canadians doing the canadian accent.
    and i love the barenaked ladies. i hope that doesn’t come between us.

    ps http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/02/08/2010-02-08_megan_fox_uses_a_thumb_double_for_her_sexy_bubble_bath_ad_for_motorola_during_th.html

  9. You Just Made My List!on 04 Jan 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Rachel – Love? The Barenaked Ladies? Are you sure?

  10. Rachelon 04 Jan 2011 at 5:26 pm

    LOVE. (all caps) i guess it’s time you found out.

  11. jasonon 04 Jan 2011 at 7:49 pm

    i once thought nothing could be more grating than post-game interviews with black american football players. but then i realized canadian NHLers were even more annoying.

  12. alanon 05 Jan 2011 at 2:01 am

    Trailer Park Boys makes up for anything bad Canada ever did to us. So just get drunk or stoned and chill oot!

  13. Snowfanon 05 Jan 2011 at 4:38 am

    This post is enlightening. I thought Canadians sounded rather like Snow – aka Informer

  14. You Just Made My List!on 05 Jan 2011 at 7:48 am

    Snowfan – If all Canadians were like Snow, we would have no problem.

  15. Melissaon 05 Jan 2011 at 10:57 am

    I’m still stuck on someone actually loving the Barenaked Ladies.

  16. Jonathanon 07 Jan 2011 at 9:50 am

    Did anybody see the guy “formerly of the Barenaked Ladies” mangle “O Canada” before the NHL Winter Classic? He couldn’t sing with he was with BNL and he can’t sing now. I mean, how awful and annoying must you be to be booted from one of the worst bands ever?

  17. Benon 07 Jan 2011 at 9:55 am

    It’s funny because I’ve lived in Ottawa all my life and I’ve never heard anyone talk in any way that resembles the way Canadians are portrayed by Americans. People actually pronounce “about” like “a boot”?!? It must be Canadians from a certain area.

  18. Laurenon 08 Jan 2011 at 1:22 am

    You’re an asshole.

  19. Laurenon 08 Jan 2011 at 1:23 am

    What I don’t get is Canada actually has an ARMY WHAT?!! You need an army to protect you when 85 percent of the world doesn’t even know you exist?!!

  20. jasonon 08 Jan 2011 at 9:29 am

    @lauren – you didnt know canada actually has an equipped military? thank goodness for you you have a vagina, and therefore some usefulness.

  21. Laurenon 09 Jan 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Right to protect them from all those countries that will NEVER invade and don’t give a shit about Canada. The only way Canada will get invaded is if another country got lost and thought they were in Montana.

  22. You Just Made My List!on 09 Jan 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Once again, for the record, I like Canada.

  23. Perryon 10 Jan 2011 at 12:11 am

    Hey, don’t forget we gave you Terry and Deaner, the true embodiment of Canada!


  24. Canaduckon 13 Jan 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Ouch, Jason.

    (You have issues.)

  25. StitchWidowon 20 Apr 2011 at 7:55 am

    What I dont get is why americans have to comlain about and blow everything they dont understand or want to take the time to understand.
    Americans allways bitch and complain about the rain when it rains the snow when it snows the heat when its hot they go up on there ruff to fix the assfault um dudes its whatever you make of it so get a life get a brain and live life , why cause one day your dead and its all over .

  26. You Just Made My List!on 20 Apr 2011 at 8:00 am

    I don’t understand why you can’t spell a fucking single word. Also, I can’t understand the point you are making.

  27. StitchWidowon 20 Apr 2011 at 8:01 am

    Oh and sorry to say this FUCK YOU Lauren american muilitary couldnt blow up the right target if you painted fuk you america on it and had every one leave a shit mark where it was to hit, The US army is a bunch off ppl that have no life and throw puppies off a friggen cliff WHICH I THINK IS A SAD SICK FUCKING THING TO DO !! So when Canada is allways neutral think about the sick fucks that are american that pulled that one.. Take a breath and smell the shit and blood on your hands lauren and hey you loose the game every time its where the term Epic Fail originated from . XD you loose again FickTard

  28. You Just Made My List!on 20 Apr 2011 at 8:05 am

    Yeah, you stoopid ficktard!

  29. StitchWidowon 20 Apr 2011 at 8:05 am

    Learn to read YJMML and youll get it if you like canada than why drug shit up over it and cause drama , Im from Pittsburgh been to canad once or twice not bad at all , we are the ones that need to learn .. and you need to read spelling on an internet in the states that sucks doesnt help much when that sucks along with most of the states ive lived in .. I’d rather be in canada 😛 at least shit works !.
    Have a great day i have to go and , well get shit done not complain about Canadas accents you lame asses.. get a life !! you need one XD ahahahahaha

  30. You Just Made My List!on 20 Apr 2011 at 8:10 am

    Stitch – Would you like to be a guest writer on this site? You are brilliant. Fucking BRILLIANT! I need more of you.

  31. StitchWidowon 20 Apr 2011 at 8:27 am

    Yes I’d love that actually,
    As we say here , we have the best Trolls in the great USA. I’m a good Player, you are the good Puppet . 😛
    You choose to waste your time picking on Canadian’s LOL I love picking on Canadian’s and American’s It makes my heart colder and colder , makes my day darker and darker to feed on your hate , to watch you all flinch, fight back.
    Wait till your DDOS hits lol lag lag lag will be the main event and I’ll be here to watch it all unfold .
    Laughing all the way , But yes i would love to be a guest speaker , speaking for my fellow haters and trolls , would be an honer indeed : ) Cause to be honest
    You Made Our List ! hahahahahahahahahahahaha Im not Canadian , I’m not German , nor am I British or even pakastani or a spick even . I’m just having the time of my life watching y’all cringe and bash Canadians and yourselves all to shit. It’s really quite entertaining .
    I should bring Jericho in on this one to have some fun as well lol. So yes I’ll be your guest Troll as long as I can make you all spute and hate and piss all over eachother XD . So tell me will this go on for a long time ?
    Cause I really find this a blast .
    Ill be back to watch more of this , I’m a lurker I will return , I look forward to see what you all have posted 🙂

  32. Nikkion 03 Dec 2011 at 1:50 am

    I find Canadian accents kind of charming, and I also enjoy the OCCASIONAL Nickelback song.

    I think this makes 5 posts I disagree with you on.

  33. Americaruleson 14 Feb 2012 at 6:51 pm

    The best is when you meet one, who has the little man complex. Too funny. They don’t fight though, only when drunk or cornered; wait they are cornered. Canada is like the backyard we don’t use.

  34. Savannahon 07 May 2013 at 7:28 pm

    This is totally inaccurate. I live in Canada, and maybe it’s just where I’m from (Victoria, BC), but I’ve never heard anybody speak like the way it has been described. The accent where I live is basically identical to a Californian accent. I have many American friends from California and other places in America and they have no accent to me and nor do I to them. I also have a best friend from Ontario and cousins in Alberta and there is still no difference in accent. Maybe a little bit from Alberta, but nothing noticeable. I have also NEVER heard someone say about like ‘a-boot’. We say about like a-bow-t,(not ‘a-boat’, but like you say the word “bow”, not as in bow like bow and arrow, but as in ‘take a bow’). I have also never heard someone end their sentences like a question. Please do not say all Canadians speak like this because that’s like me saying all Americans speak with a southern hillbilly accent like in Texas, which is not true. I have yet to meet any Canadian in my life that does any of the things listed here.

  35. You Just Made My List!on 07 May 2013 at 7:39 pm

    Oh sweet sweet Savannah. You innocent and naive hoser. I hate to be the one to tell you this but you don’t sound like you are from California.

    P.S. All American’s do talk like southern hillbillies. At least according to A&E and TLC. YEEEEEEHAW!!!