Jan 21 2011

Please listen closely as some of our options have changed!

Published by at 3:13 am under I Don't Get It

phone menu systems, listen closely our options have changed

Please stop telling me your options have changed because I know they haven’t.

Apparently every company I have ever called since 1998 is constantly striving for the PERFECT order in which to place their 4 options, like they are the Lennon and McCartney of automated phone menus.

“Hey boss, I was doing some thinking about our phone menu over the weekend instead of attending my son’s 1st birthday party.”

“Go on, I’m listening.”

“Now, just hear me out OK. I think it might be time to put customer service at position 2 which would allow us to put sales at number 3.”

“Johnson, my grandfather started this company in 1918 with only $2, a tin of sardines and a shoelace. From day one our customers could access our company directory by pressing #1, sales has been #2 and customer service has always been #3. Where, sir, do you get the balls big enough to suggest changing some of our options?”

“Mr. Parker, with all due respect to you and your grandfather, I am merely suggesting that it might be time to change some of our options.”

“Johnson, I’ve never liked you, but this company is not doing well and I am willing to try anything at this point. You may change the pre-recorded menu options but SO HELP ME GOD, you had better warn people!”

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9 comments so far

9 comments to “Please listen closely as some of our options have changed!”

  1. Rebeccaon 21 Jan 2011 at 8:34 am

    Amen to that. And then the “Please listen carefully because some of our options have changed” is left on the recording for YEARS.


  2. Jonathanon 21 Jan 2011 at 9:22 am

    HA!! I’ve always thought that was stupid, too, especially since, as Rebecca has already pointed out, they NEVER take down the “listen carefully” warning.

    PS: Hey Listy, how come everything you hate ends up becoming a TV show? From the trades: “G4 premieres JUMP CITY: SEATTLE, the first Parkour championship competition series beginning February 15 at 8p. The series, using Seattle’s urban landscape as its backdrop, will follow two out of four featured teams per episode as they run, climb, vault, leap and more throughout the competition.”

  3. You Just Made My List!on 21 Jan 2011 at 9:37 am

    Jonathan – Thanks for ruining my weekend.

  4. Jonathanon 21 Jan 2011 at 3:43 pm

    If it makes you feel any better, I found out today that I need ANOTHER stupid surgery on my shoulder. It’s not even to fix anything cool like a knife-fighting injury; it’s to alleviate pain caused by my stupid bones rubbing against each other. And yes, I realize how gay that sounds.

    Would you feel better if I threw out some other suggestions of things you can hate and write about? I hate “commemorative” coins and bills that are really just quarters mass-painted with an ugly picture of Elvis or the Twin Towers. I hate Seth Rogen. I hate Palmer’s brand fake chocolate candies. I hate subscription cards in magazines I ALREADY SUBSCRIBE TO.

  5. Piggdooron 22 Jan 2011 at 12:08 am

    I hate Joe Rogen.

  6. You Just Made My List!on 22 Jan 2011 at 9:01 am

    Jonathan – I was actually thinking about ranting on the subject of the new 9/11 coin.

    Also your shoulder sounds like a real dick. Just cut it off, show ’em who’s boss!

  7. Tommyon 22 Jan 2011 at 3:16 pm

    back on point

  8. Jonathanon 22 Jan 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Hell yeah! I could cut it off and replace it with a chainsaw! HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!!

    PS: I also hate turning 270 degrees in one direction when I could’ve just turned 90 degrees in the other direction! And I hate when the need to shit hits you right as you sit down to a delicious meal and prevents you from enjoying the damn food!

  9. Piggdooron 23 Jan 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Listy, why is chocolate milk so FLIPPIN awesome??