Jan 21 2011
Please stop telling me your options have changed because I know they haven’t.
Apparently every company I have ever called since 1998 is constantly striving for the PERFECT order in which to place their 4 options, like they are the Lennon and McCartney of automated phone menus.
“Hey boss, I was doing some thinking about our phone menu over the weekend instead of attending my son’s 1st birthday party.”
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“Now, just hear me out OK. I think it might be time to put customer service at position 2 which would allow us to put sales at number 3.”
“Johnson, my grandfather started this company in 1918 with only $2, a tin of sardines and a shoelace. From day one our customers could access our company directory by pressing #1, sales has been #2 and customer service has always been #3. Where, sir, do you get the balls big enough to suggest changing some of our options?”
“Mr. Parker, with all due respect to you and your grandfather, I am merely suggesting that it might be time to change some of our options.”
“Johnson, I’ve never liked you, but this company is not doing well and I am willing to try anything at this point. You may change the pre-recorded menu options but SO HELP ME GOD, you had better warn people!”