Jan 31 2011

Dana Carvey + Linkin Park = Satan shooting explosive diarrhea in your face!

dana carvey and linkin park on saturday night live, snl february 5 2011

Well, it’s official, the universe will implode on February 5th, 2011 at 11:30 Eastern Standard Time.

The earth will rip apart and just as the molten goo from the center of our planet begins to melt your skin off, you will have just enough time to reflect on all the time you wasted carefully placing 20 pillows on your bed every morning. You will beg God for another chance to live life to the fullest but your screaming prayers will go unanswered, because the instant Dana Carvey and Linkin Park share the Saturday Night Live stage, heaven will be the first thing to explode. Poof… no more God. Satan is calling the shots now, pal. It’s over.

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42 comments so far

42 comments to “Dana Carvey + Linkin Park = Satan shooting explosive diarrhea in your face!”

  1. billmigukon 31 Jan 2011 at 5:11 am

    12:30? Doesn’t SNL start at 11:30?

  2. You Just Made My List!on 31 Jan 2011 at 6:27 am

    Stop being right all the time.

  3. saraon 31 Jan 2011 at 7:56 am

    what the hell has either of these people done lately? Is this some new thing SNL is going to do, we’re just going to draw names out of a hat of past host/musical guests. No we don’t care if you haven’t practiced together in years, now throw together a John Boehner impersonation and get out there!

    Next week: Corbin Bernsen and Nada Surf!

  4. kathyon 31 Jan 2011 at 9:18 am

    What’s a Linkin Park?
    Sigh, I’m old as dirt.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 31 Jan 2011 at 9:29 am

    Sara – Don’t be funnier than me.

    Kathy – Consider yourself lucky, I wish I had no knowledge of Linkin Park.

  6. saraon 31 Jan 2011 at 10:13 am

    Kathy’s right. I’m not ever from Chi-town but nowadays when I hear “Lincoln Park” I think of the Zoo. (do people ever say Chi-town over there?)

  7. R-Boneon 31 Jan 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Here is something I was not aware of until recently – The Dana Carvey Show, which was only on ABC for 8 episodes in 1996, had the following people involved:

    Louis CK
    Charlie Kaufman
    Stephen Colbert
    Steve Carell
    Robert Smigel
    Jon Glaser
    Dino Stamatopoulos
    Spike Ferestein (who wrote several memorable Seinfelds including Soup Nazi and the Elaine dancing bit)

    Quite the roster. It’s on Hulu now and is actually kind of ridiculously great for being on ABC in 1996.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 31 Jan 2011 at 12:09 pm

    It’s an impressive line-up but with Dana Carvey sailing the ship, I just don’t think I can allow it to enter my eye holes.

  9. R-Boneon 31 Jan 2011 at 12:42 pm

    He does bust out Church Lady and Hans and/or Franz a little too often for my liking. But otherwise, worth a gander.

  10. Ericaon 31 Jan 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Oh ugh…Dana Carvey has NEVER been funny. I would rather watch that guy with the racist puppet than this hack! And Linkin Park has no been relavant since 1997…wtf? I don’t get it? Can’t they get Mark Zuckerberg back to do some more hilarious improv?

  11. You Just Made My List!on 31 Jan 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Erica – Linkin Park has NEVER been relevant.

  12. Ericaon 31 Jan 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Yes, I regretted that use of word right after I submitted… 🙁

    What about Hoobastank + the racist puppet guy on SNL? That might be a better way to go…

  13. saraon 31 Jan 2011 at 3:35 pm

    good idea Erica….or should I say LORNE MICHAELS!

    also I think R-bone may actualy be Dana Carvey who just happened to be googling himself and is trying to get us to watch his crappy schtick.

    Also the mail box has been spreading lies about me

  14. Rachelon 31 Jan 2011 at 5:00 pm

    i remember reading a while ago that they picked the name Linkin Park, so that their albums would be located next to Limp Bizkit. ..i guess that pretty much says it all.

  15. Matton 31 Jan 2011 at 5:03 pm

    I think we’re all glossing over the fact that Saturday Night Live ITSELF hasn’t been relevant since, oh, 1975. At this point it’s like the dorky childhood friend who begs everyone in the neighborhood to come to his birthday party with promises of pony rides and lame games. It’s basically a train-wreck at this point. Lorne Michaels must have some really good pictures of NBC exec’s doing blow out of a dead hookers’ ass cracks in his back pocket for them to keep this dog turd on the air. Maybe this week’s episode will be as memorable as Sinead O’Connor’s. We can only hope. Not me, of course-I’ve scheduled a head-ectomy for that night in preparation. Wake me when they book a double bill of Belushi’s corpse and Naughty By Nature. It’s just a matter of time. For THAT I’d tune in. Fuck.

  16. Black and Orangeon 31 Jan 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Linkin Park definitely sucks, but I understand why they would be on SNL because they still sell tons of records and tour arenas around the country.

    But Dana Carvey hasn’t been on TV in like 15 years. How does anyone benefit from him hosting SNL?

  17. kenon 01 Feb 2011 at 12:47 am

    I’ll spare Matt the lengthy list of actors/comedians who were a) funny on SNL and b) went on to have semi-successful careers in both television and/or film after leaving the show c) contributed to our national lexicon and pop cultural fabric and d) had a profound impact on our national political climate.

    Yeah, none of those things were relevant over the last 35 years.

    Tina Fey isn’t funny; Alec Baldwin sucks; Eddie Murphy was a hack; John Belushi wasn’t the funny Belushi, Phil Hartman had no talent; Adam Sandler has zero comic abilities; Will Farrell has no imagination; Kristin Wiig blows; Jimmy Fallon should never been allowed on TV.

    Thanks be to God we have Matt to sort it all out for us.

  18. Matton 01 Feb 2011 at 4:03 am

    No problem, Ken. Glad to help you realize that SNL has always been a shitty, immediately dated show that has zero resale value. I’m hard pressed to think of any alum that has contributed in any meaningful way to American pop culture. (OK, maybe Belushi’s COLLEGE shirt.) Certainly no one and nothing we couldn’t live without. Bass-o-matic ’76 still makes me piss my pants with laughter. Oh, wait, that’s sarcasm dripping down my leg.

  19. Elaineon 01 Feb 2011 at 4:09 am

    Linkin Park is in every way LAME… but i will attest that I saw them live ten years ago, and the tiny blond white guy that sings the vocals can actually sing, impressively (the guy went full out for two hours). I am excited about Dana Carvey hosting SNL, but only for a new episode of Church Lady. He cannot be Garth (my second favorite character) without Wayne… Does anyone expect a surprise Mike Myers appearance? Schwing!!!

  20. You Just Made My List!on 01 Feb 2011 at 8:33 am

    I am not an SNL hater liker many people seem to be. Sure, each show has clunkers but it’s usually worth watching (as long as you FF over the musical acts).

    I consider myself to have a good sense of humor… fuck that, I KNOW I have a GREAT sense of humor and there’s no getting around the fact that SNL has is consistently funny. it’s not perfect but it is usually good.

    I think it has just sort of become a “thing” to hate SNL. Every year people say it’s the worst cast ever and they talk about the original cast and the good old days. Have you seen those first few episodes all the way through? They had clunkers too.

  21. saraon 01 Feb 2011 at 10:10 am

    I think we can all agree that we hate Lincoln Park and current Dana Carvey
    **hand shakes and shots all around**

  22. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Freddy Tulo, Chris Holmes. Chris Holmes said: Dana Carvey + Linkin Park = Satan shooting explosive diarrhea in your face! http://icio.us/ziNsJd […]

  23. kenon 01 Feb 2011 at 11:49 am

    Yeah, Matt’s right, no one, that’s right–NOBODY–from SNL ever made a dent on pop culture after leaving.

    Seinfeld, The Simpsons, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Weeds; yeah, none of those shows ever made an impact.

  24. Rachelon 01 Feb 2011 at 4:12 pm

    i’m sensing some serious sexual tension between Ken and Matt.

  25. calebon 01 Feb 2011 at 4:25 pm

    don’t forget Conan. what a hack, am i right? oh man i need a head-ectomy like Matt.

  26. Mon 02 Feb 2011 at 10:40 pm

    I’m sorry…did someone just say that the blonde guy in linkin park could sing? Tell me my eyes deceive me. A rabid horse sings better.

  27. Elaineon 03 Feb 2011 at 12:16 am

    I only meant that the tiny white guy who sings in Linkin Park was impressive because he could sing/scream like a rabid horse effectively for two hours (without any sign of fatigue)… that’s all. I am not a fan of the band and I am not attesting to his ability to sing, because I don’t give a shit. The band is (i say again) LAME. I’m pretty sure you agree about lameness… like a dead horse.

  28. Elaineon 03 Feb 2011 at 12:20 am

    I wasn’t clear about my detestation for Linkin Park in the fist message… I greatly, desperately apologize.

  29. Mon 03 Feb 2011 at 6:41 am

    Apology accepted.

  30. Matton 03 Feb 2011 at 6:48 pm

    You know Ken, I was only just trying to inject a little levity here. I have nothing against Seinfeld or The Simpsons, and OF COURSE they are an ingrained part of American pop culture. Yes, SNL, 30 Rock and Conan are unwatchable television in my humble, yet educated and experienced opinion, but I don’t dwell on or get upset by that. I simply choose not to watch these shows. I don’t try to convince others of their inferiority (in my opinion; superiority in yours). I don’t develop or nurture my sense of self-worth based on what TV shows I watch (or don’t watch), or what tidbit of pop culture I can reference. A person so ardently trying to convince others that their opinion is the correct and only opinion is really simply engaging in a sad attempt to convince themselves in order to feel validated. I’m sure there’s a psychological term regarding this phenomena. At the moment it escapes me. Perhaps it is simply narcissism.

    Your swift attack on my comment and opinion was nothing short of childish. I bet you’re the kind of person who says, “The book was sooooo much better than the movie”, and then proceeds to explain in great detail why that is so, despite the fact that your captive audience probably wishes they could jam an ice pick in their ear as soon as you start waxing philosophic on the subject. You probably still liked “Mad About You” even after they had the kid. I envision you in a beret and a soul-patch, typing away your fancy little internet posts (probably on a MacBook) while sipping some fussy coffee concoction at Starbucks. But I digress, forgive me.

    I don’t know you, but just from what I’ve read I think you’re a very small person who needs to justify his place in the world by attacking other people’s opinions and trying to inject your own brand of pseudo-intellectualism into the fray. I saw right through it in your first response to my post, but chose to egg you on in hopes of another equally slimy and absurd overreaction from you. You certainly didn’t disappoint. Kudos to you on that! (Can you hear the clapping?). Was my little joke that offensive to you? It must have been, because you reacted like it was a personal attack against YOU. Perhaps you’d be better served by not spending your days lurking in the Ethernet and attempting to undermine other people’s humble opinions when they dare to so obviously violate, contradict, and fly in the face of your own belief system. Does that really do anything for you? Does it make you feel witty, or edgy, or smart? I don’t think so. Either way I’m not impressed. Anyway, thanks for playing along, and don’t even bother with a response, for I will not read it. I’m done with this particular topic of Listy’s, and I’m done with you. But, perhaps we’ll cross paths in another comment page. You can only hope, right?


  31. You Just Made My List!on 03 Feb 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Oh jeeze. Just wanted us all to hate Dana Carvey and Linkin park together… now this happens. What is this, Egypt?

  32. […] Dana Carvey + Linkin Park = Satan shooting explosive diarrhea in your face! (You Just Made My List!) […]

  33. Laurenon 04 Feb 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Fuck him you are absolutely right!! And it’s not an ‘in’ thing to hate on SNL it’s because the show has become a rotted,festing,putrid,hollowed out version of it’s once brilliant self. Clunkers notwithstanding the first 5 seasons were like diamonds compared to the cubic zirconia shit we got now. And by the way the whole Palin shit ran it’s course about 5 minutes after it started why the fuck is someone on RAPPING about her. What like she and Lil Wayne are ‘tight’ like that?! Formuliac bullshit and don’t even get me started on the painfully unfunny weekend update it seems that THEY don’t get it ain’t 1975 anymore. Stop the fucking madness all damn ready when they said a new show called ‘Walking Dead’ was going to premiere I thought they were talking about this show!

  34. Joeon 05 Feb 2011 at 10:47 pm

    Dana Carvey……just not funny…..he tries very hard, but not funny. It is painful watching him on SNL tonight….I think Mike Myers was a bit uncomfortable with Carvey in the opening sketch. Carvey milked the monolouge….again, painful. I remember he and Robin Williams did a sketch together in a spoof of Mork…..Carvey couldn’t keep up with Williams in the improv and free-form involved in the sketch….but he tried. Check it out and see what you think.

  35. mikeon 05 Feb 2011 at 11:54 pm

    Linkin Park is awful. Why did I watch this?

  36. Wayneon 06 Feb 2011 at 11:37 am

    I like old school linkin park but they really sucked on SNL.

  37. You Just Made My List!on 06 Feb 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Wait – There’s “old school” Linkin Park? I’m killing myself.

  38. PoodlesRuleon 10 Feb 2011 at 11:10 am

    Tina Fey is God.
    I have never heard/heard of “Linkin” (wtf?) Park except for this blog.

  39. Edon 11 Feb 2011 at 5:07 am

    I watched the episode. Carvey was great. LP put me right to sleep. What the hell are they doing?

  40. Biker Galon 25 May 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Nice site…

    Share the love. It doesn’t matter if you’re red, black, purple or normal.

    It doesn’t matter if you wear the pants. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Moderate Southern Log Cabin Republican or not.

    What matters is what’s in your heart.

    Keep up the good work!

  41. fuckoffon 30 Sep 2011 at 11:40 pm

    fuck dana carvey and fuck lincold mark…with bats…in the fucking ass!

  42. Nathanon 08 Jul 2012 at 3:39 am

    “John wasn’t the funny Belushi”? WTF is wrong with you? Of course he was funny damn it.